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Do you feel like it's your responsibility to take care of the household?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Just curious where other SAHMs fall on this spectrum. When I first began SAHM-ing, I really felt my sole responsibility was to take excellent care of DS. But as the years have passed, I've begun to feel more and more responsibility for keeping the house clean, keeping the pantry stocked, meal planning, etc. Part of this is probably that DH is working waaay longer hours (60 hrs/week), so the reality is that he can't help much. He is, however, an excellent chef, and some nights will cook two meals for us so we have something to eat for later in the week.

I think part of it is that I don't like living in a messy, disorganized home, so it's become important to me to take care of our home.

What are your thoughts?

-Erin
post #2 of 27
My husband works too many hours. I take care of the house and I'm happy to.
post #3 of 27
My Responsibility? No. My Pleasure? Often. However, my dh is very interested in the runnings of our household and gets great pleasure from certain things, including cooking and working on our two acres (He works in the 'city', but has a great deal of interest in our land). While I am at home right now, I still contribute financially in various ways.
post #4 of 27
I am coming to the place of embracing taking care of the whole household. My partner does what he can, but only can get to the surface stuff.... or has time for taking care of the more obscure things that come up.When the kids were youngger I felt that it wasn't my responsibility. I was very resistant to being a " home maker" or a " housewife"! Now I am making steps towards being at peace with it all, and finding a way to make it into spiritual practice I guess. I really like having a clean house, food stocked, good meals, nice yard and garden etc. I also homeschool my boys.... its a tricky balancing act.
post #5 of 27
Nope. My husband's 9-5 job is to work for pay. Mine is child care. We split the housework and child care when he is home.
post #6 of 27
I do feel like its my responsibility essentially to do 98% however I must admit it is VERY much welcomed if dh wants to help out since we have 3 under 3 and I am 22 weeks pregnant. I cant keep up as well as I'd like with the heavy duty cleaning but I do my best. I too cant stand a messy disorganized house so I try an d clean up all day as I go along. I am happy when my dh can come home to a meal and clean house....they kids may be screamin but he's got a hot plate and a clean place to sit!
post #7 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
Nope. My husband's 9-5 job is to work for pay. Mine is child care. We split the housework and child care when he is home.
You are so lucky, DH works anywhere from 12 to 18 hour shifts a day. I can't expect him to clean the house the way I do or even half the chores but he is responsible for certain chores like garbage and cleaning up after himself (my rule is if my dishes are done and either of the other adults cook after my dishes are done, they do their own dishes and clean up) and I do expect (when he's home) to equally parent as much as I do.

Sheal
post #8 of 27
We split things when he is home. On a weekend, he will do what is needed, as will I. On the weekdays, I will get up with the kids, do all laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. But we split pretty much 50/50 on days he has off. It's not planned, it's just how it happens. He wakes with the kids at least on weekend morning, so I may sleep in until 11am or so.

I enjoy keeping the house up during the week (and weekend). It's something I pride myself in doing, if that makes sense. I have a routine every night. Kids go down, I pick up the stray toys, vacuum, clean up the backyard if needed, dishes, laundry, take out garbage, shower myself.. not always in that order.
post #9 of 27
Really depends on how many hours he's working. When he was putting in just eight or nine hours a day, we were more equitable about splitting the housework.

He has decided to work more hours in hopes of landing a promotion and to make a little extra money, so now I've taken on basically all the housework. Even the lawn mowing.

I've gotten better at juggling it all, out of sheer necessity. And I've also gotten better at demanding my own time off-- I refuse to work 16-18 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Anyway, it would be a big, big stick in my craw if he was only working 8 hours a day AND expecting me to handle all the household responsibilities/childcare/gardening stuff. Cuz that IS a lot.

As it is, we both work pretty hard now, and I am (mostly) convinced that the arrangement is labor-equitable. I don't mind bustin my butt, per se, but I WOULD mind busting my butt if he weren't putting in a lot of his own effort.
post #10 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Village Mama View Post
and finding a way to make it into spiritual practice I guess.
Curious if how intentional you're being about this. It's something I resonate with as well. Have you read The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris? The subtitle of the book is "Laundry, Liturgy, and Women's Work." It's a tiny little booklet, an essay really.
post #11 of 27
I think it depends on what you define as "taking care of the household".

If by that you mean doing all of the grunt work/housework, then no. DH and I believe that the family that lives in the house should share responsibility for taking care of it.

However, if by "taking care of the household" you mean taking on the organizational task of running things/events/appointments/making sure they get on the calendar/people have what they need available when they need it...yep, I do that. It's just easier for me to do that, since I'm generally the one who's most in contact with the teachers/classes/parents of friends, ect. And I've gotten better at it over the years.

Would DH do it if I asked him to? Yep. But I don't mind it, it's something I like to do for the family and him since A) I'm the most attuned to it, and B) it helps me keep in the rhythm of things.
post #12 of 27
Do I WANT all responsibility to be mine? NO WAY! Does it become all mine? YUP!! My husband works 60 hours a week so he doesn't have much opportunity to really help out but it does get to me sometimes. Im home taking care of 4 kids, cooking, and cleaning and all that stuff that you all know about so well too....and I dont get a second to breathe or even communicate with the outside world...and his job is to sit at a desk even though it is somewhat stressful but atleast he gets to socialize and laugh with people that are actually adults. He can come home feeling more refreshed with the energy still going so yeah..I'd love for him to come home and help me clean up the kitchen after dinner or take the garbage out without me asking. Sometimes I'd love to look at a clean house without being the one exausted from making it that clean house.
post #13 of 27
I don't want it to be my responsibility but it is. I despise cleaning and don't even care if our house is clean, but I feel an obligation to do it for some weird reason. DH only works about 30 hours a week and I feel like a parent asking a kid to do chores when I need him to do anything, even the most basic things. Where he works so little, I think it should be shared, especially now since I'm babysitting and often have a houseful of kids to take care of now.
post #14 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by aprildawn View Post
Curious if how intentional you're being about this. It's something I resonate with as well. Have you read The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris? The subtitle of the book is "Laundry, Liturgy, and Women's Work." It's a tiny little booklet, an essay really.
I had just read a short book about Amish women that really gave me some insight into looking at it differently as well. We also have a book of translated Rumi about " work".
I am being very intentional about this. I am homeschooling the boys, so see this as being long term for now. I really need to come to a peaceful place with this. I don't want to look at it as somthing I dislike, or somthing I need to get done so I can get onto somthing else better...
post #15 of 27
I am 75% responsible and if dh is home, he pitches in as well. He is an excellent cook like myself and is also super handy. So right now along side his FT career, he is remodeling our home. The hard work and sacrifice we are doing at this time will pay off when our home is done in the next few months.

I do 90% of the shopping, 100% $$ issues although we discuss all purchases together since its our money. And it was when I was also an earner. I do 100% of the laundry, 50% of the cleaning, garden work, etc. If I wasnt here to run the house, it would not get done. I am just better at it and I am also the sah parent.
post #16 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post
If I wasnt here to run the house, it would not get done. I am just better at it and I am also the sah parent.
This is how it is at my house, too. Dh would do what needed to be done RIGHT NOW, but he misses the whole planning ahead, making sure that the pantry is stocked, that there are clean clothes all the time, that we don't spend all our money as soon as we get it. That sort of thing.
post #17 of 27
Quote:
My Responsibility? No. My Pleasure? Often
My responsibility? Yes. My pleasure? Never

I detest housekeeping. I don't like living in a dirty house, so I do it, but I hate every minute of it.

However my husband is in the navy and I don't really have an option. He works insane shifts and hours when he is home, and he is exhausted at the end of the day and needs to spend time with the bee (our DD). He does do the dishes almost every night as he has seen me crying over dishes before because I hate to do them so much (it goes back to a childhood abuse thing)
post #18 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
Nope. My husband's 9-5 job is to work for pay. Mine is child care. We split the housework and child care when he is home.
ditto.
post #19 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin_d_a View Post
My responsibility? Yes. My pleasure? Never

I detest housekeeping. I don't like living in a dirty house, so I do it, but I hate every minute of it.

However my husband is in the navy and I don't really have an option. He works insane shifts and hours when he is home, and he is exhausted at the end of the day and needs to spend time with the bee (our DD).
Yes, me too . Except my husband is not in the navy (he has a different job which has him working insane hours).
post #20 of 27
Yes but I pretty much took care of all of that before DS was born. Well we had a cleaning lady when we both WOH. But in the 4 years we were together before DS was born, I think DP did about 5 loads of laundry total. If I tell him I'm not cooking dinner his response is "Okay where do you want to go out to eat?"
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