naturegirl- I think the "right" care provider is going to be very understanding once you explain your history and your concerns. They want you to have a wonderful birth experience, and they should be willing to work with you to make you as comfortable as possible. If that means answering a million questions until YOU feel confident in their abilities, then they should be fine with that!
Just explain your birth experience, your worries/concerns, and ask them point blank if they have had experience with SD or other potential birth emergencies. Ask them what they did, what the outcome was, how they felt at the time, what they might do differently now, etc. Interview doulas and find out which of them have attended mamas who have had scary/traumatic births in the past...perhaps a doula who has experience assisting VBAC mamas? Just someone who will be able to empathize with your concerns about a birth not going as expected.
I had a really bad experience with my first doula and when the time came to interview doulas for my second birth I wasn't sure I even wanted one (and I'm a doula myself

). Anyway, when I interviewed doulas this time I was very up front about my past experience and explained that I had some trust issues and it wasn't personal...but that I needed to ask them A LOT of questions, sometimes the same question a few times, and were they going to be okay with that? The doulas who didn't want to spend the time helping me connect with them before the birth were obviously not the ones I needed with me so...it's the same thing with your new midwife. Be up front about your fear/concerns and see who reaches back to you.
You might also want to consider therapy, journaling, self hypnosis or hypnotherapy, or some other path to help you process and find peace with the trauma of your first birth. Birthing from Within has some wonderful exercises for this sort of processing as well. Emotional healing can take time too...and birth is so emotional/hormonal anyway that a moment of fear can just last and last if you don't take the time to address it in a productive manner.
What helped with my VBAC was remembering that every birth is a new birth, every babe is a new babe. Just because something happened in one birth and with one babe, it doesn't mean it will happen that way in another birth and with another babe. Obviously it's easy to go the "negative path" there and say "well things were okay last time but next time it may be worse"...but try to go the positive path and say "last time something happened that we didn't expect but things are going to be fine this time". I found the hypnobabies home study course to be a big help in releasing my fears and finding peace with my new birth...well, that, and bugging the heck out of my care providers and support people to make sure I was 100% comfortable with them and confident in their skills/attitude/support.
Good luck...I hope you find the perfect provider who will have the experience, attitude, and caring nature that will support you in your next birth! And I hope neither of us experience SD (or other birth trauma) again!
