Is there something wrong with me? - Page 2

[heartmama]

LOL, um, piglet did you see my post above yours? It was probably the longest in the thread! You are not the only one who is generous with words!!

[Curious]

I think a lot of what I have to say has already been said:

When Dd was tiny, it hurt to let anyone else hold her. (Even Dh). I felt a craving to be in contact with her. I figured that was nature's way of making sure she was near food. As time passed, I felt better about more distance and more people.

We have left Dd alone with my mother only. She has been in Dd's life from the start, and is very attentive to Dd as well as our parenting philosophies. She has learned Dd's sign language and short of nursing, knows every other way to comfort her when she is upset.

Dh and I agree that Dd will not stay alone with his parents until they either spend enough time with us together to learn her signs (which they are in too much of a hurry to sit down and do), or Dd is talking at a much more advanced level than she is now.

So if there is something wrong with you, asking this at 13 months, I guess there is something really wrong with us, feeling this way at 23 months. As has also been said above, we are fortunate to be in a position where we can be this picky.

[~Megan~]

I don't think my inlaws would like to watch her at our home. When they come over they never stay long. I'm not sure why and neither is dh. Maybe its because we have a small apartment and there isn't much to do.
I asked dh about coming here to watch her and he didn't think they'd want to do it.

As far as Foo's comments. Its dh parents and while they raised him perfectly well they spanked him and did other things we don't approve of.

I'm probably going to do it anyway. Its really important to dh and I'm sure she'll be fine. In fact I asked sil to come over that night. She is respectful of our choices and will be there to keep an eye out.

[alexa07]

I just want to make it clear that when I said it was difficult to bond with a child if the mama is always around I Did not mean people who are LIVING with the child and of course not the child's father!

What I meant is that when a child is living with its parents and is nice and attached, that it really helps to form a bond with someone outside the house, if that other person can be left alone with the child. I don't think there is any reason to do this with a newborn or very young baby. But after age 1, if you trust your parents to keep your child safe, then it makes sense to let them babysit. Certainly many children are clingier when their "usual people" are around. And often the interaction just isn't the same. When the child is left alone with its grandparents, who it does not usually see on a day to day basis, he or she can start to see that there is another person that he or she can rely on when mom or dad is not around.

[abranger]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on this thread is that being a parent and being a grandparent ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT things. How they parented you has very little bearing on how they will grandparent your children. They just want to spoil them, respond to every need, give them anything they want. Remember when we where kids.....that's why we wanted to spend so much time with them.

Our plan when dd is older is to let them do the things we don't do with her, fast food, videos etc. It makes Gandma's house special. They watch her now for a couple of hours here and there. Usually in the daytime when no naps will be needed. (dd needs me or dh to put her to sleep)

my two cents

Amy

[Piglet68]

Originally posted by alexa07
What I meant is that when a child is living with its parents and is nice and attached, that it really helps to form a bond with someone outside the house, if that other person can be left alone with the child.

Oh! Yes, well I agree with you there. Everyone should have someone that they can trust to watch the child (preferably a family member, such as a grandparent, or a close family friend) but I think for some of us this is something to be done when the child is older (which you also said).

amarasmom: I know what you mean about the grandparents not wanting to come over. Seems DH and I have this chronic issue with our parents that it always has to be us coming to them. Well, when it comes to babysitting, especially at first, I think they should come to YOUR house b/c that is where your child's toys and bed are and its where they feel most comfortable. You should ask them, you never know - if it means a chance to babysit alone (something you say they want really badly) then they should do it. Also, if you tell your DH you'd go out if his folks sat at your house, he'd probably be able to convince them. It's also nice that your SIL will be there too, to help ease your fears!

Amy, that's a good point. I don't actually have a problem with grandma "spoiling" DD somewhat (I have fond memories myself of that with my grandma), but my biggest concerns as DD enters toddlerhood is how my Mum deals with discipline and how she reacts to those annoying toddler habits. My experience is that when it comes to discipline and one's initial knee-jerk reaction (spanking, yelling...so-called "unconcious parenting"), old habits die hard. You know, I'm sure she'd respect our no-spanking rule and I suppose she could get a feel for our discipline style...like I said before - when DD becomes verbal I'll be alot more relaxed about it.


[great thread, btw!!]