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Do you want your DD to grow up & be a SAHM? - Page 3

post #41 of 262
Wow, that is a hard question. I hope that dd chooses to go to college. I hope she chooses to travel and develops a strong sense of self. I want her to choose her life path with a mixture of logic and passion, and I want her to feel empowered by her choices. I want her to live her life without fear and I want her to take the road less traveled- or at least be aware that it exsists. Most of all I want to see a smile on her face and love and happiness in her life. It is up to her to decide the rest.


Omg!!! breathe, breathe........ I dont want dd to grow up!!!
post #42 of 262
definately!!!
post #43 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarabolli View Post
My dh asked my 3yo dd if she wanted to stay home and take care of her babies when she got older. She replied "No, it's boring. I don't want to do all the housework. I want to be a ballerina." Got me thinking of how she perceives my role as a SAHM. Not too glamorous huh?
I agree with her. LOL Housework sucks. I dont like it either! Mabye you should try doing chores in a tutu. Dh might not mind.:

honestly, I struggle with staying home. Its a concious choice I have made and a commitment I will not forfeit, but there are alot of days (In fact MOST days latley) I dont even want to do this job. Latley I really hate my job. I am working through it. : I am definatly not going to just quit because I am not happy. Life is not all about me.

I definatly think the picture needs to be painted accuratly for kids because they need to make an educated decision about their profession. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. I thought I would be wearing stilettos and a cute apron. Seriously. I am not joking. Laugh all you want.

Jenny
post #44 of 262
Nope. I hope that both my children (boy & girl) can have careers that allow then a lot of time off and long maternity/paternity leaves, etc. but let them return to work part time or WAH while their kids are little so they can have the best of both worlds.
post #45 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
No, honestly, I don't. I hope that it is easier by the time she grows up to balance childrearing and meaningful work without having to make so many sacrifices either way.

Same here.
post #46 of 262
I support ALL my children having the opportunity to SAH with their children if they so choose, and it works for their family. I would be just as happy with one of my boys staying at home to care for his babies as I would my DD. But if it doesn't work out for them, I will respect that decision and support them and my SIL/DILs as they would like me to.
post #47 of 262
I would encourage her to find a meaningful career or path outside of her home and try to balance that with being a mom. Just knowing my daughters and their personalities, I know my oldest would need to have a lot of outside activities to make her happy. She's just a restless spirit. My youngest is more settled and peaceful and might be perfectly happy as a SAHM. I just want whatever is right for them. Whatever makes them happy.
post #48 of 262
I want my DD to know that it is an option, and one she can be proud of. But I would rather she follow her heart and do what is right for her and her family no matter what that is.
post #49 of 262
You put it perfectly for me Darlene.
post #50 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
But I would be absolutely heartbroken if she signed on as a lifelong, permanently financially dependent, traditional "homemaker." That is actually what I originally planned for myself, and I had bought into all sorts of scary ideology about how it's the best thing - drank the patriarchal Kool-Aid, so to speak. Having a daughter changed all that for me. My self-respect as a woman may have been low enough to accept limitations for myself, but not for my kid!!!!!!! I want her to know that she can do absolutely anything she wants to do, and I feel that in order to do that I have to model it by pursuing a career of my own once she gets a bit older.
Now see, it seems as though you drank the political feminist Kool-Aid.

Some women do feel that the best thing for their family is for the woman to be the full-time, at-home caretaker. And you know what? That's just fine.

Being at home full-time is a ton of work. There are women who view that as their career. That career is just a valid as any career outside the home.

I highly doubt these women have low-levels of self-esteem.

Women can do and be anything they want to be. However, the whole "we must model that by working outside the home" idea is crap, IMHO. What may happen instead is the child feels that a real job is NOT really taking care of kids. The kid might feel as though he/she really isn't that important (after all, mama doesn't have any self-respect because she "just" stays here with/for me).

If mama wants to work outside the home and the child-care arrangement is working well for the child, great. However, in no way should a woman feel that if she does NOT work outside the home she's setting a bad example for her kids. That sentiment devalues the hard work of fulltime "at-home" motherhood.
post #51 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
No, honestly, I don't. I hope that it is easier by the time she grows up to balance childrearing and meaningful work without having to make so many sacrifices either way.
I completely agree with this. I hope the same for both my daughters and my son.
post #52 of 262
If I have daughters some day, I would be pleased to no end to see them choose to be at home with their children.
post #53 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine View Post
Now see, it seems as though you drank the political feminist Kool-Aid.

Some women do feel that the best thing for their family is for the woman to be the full-time, at-home caretaker. And you know what? That's just fine.

Being at home full-time is a ton of work. There are women who view that as their career. That career is just a valid as any career outside the home.

I highly doubt these women have low-levels of self-esteem.

Women can do and be anything they want to be. However, the whole "we must model that by working outside the home" idea is crap, IMHO. What may happen instead is the child feels that a real job is NOT really taking care of kids. The kid might feel as though he/she really isn't that important (after all, mama doesn't have any self-respect because she "just" stays here with/for me).

If mama wants to work outside the home and the child-care arrangement is working well for the child, great. However, in no way should a woman feel that if she does NOT work outside the home she's setting a bad example for her kids. That sentiment devalues the hard work of fulltime "at-home" motherhood.
I was speaking for myself. My previous plan to be at home indefinitely was based on very specific religious beliefs which explicitly deny women's right to participate equally in all aspects of society. For me and my family, given our record of involvement in misogynistic religion - and especially given that my baby's father is not coming away from that background anywhere near as quickly and enthusiastically as I am - making sure that future generations don't get sucked back into those ideas means concretely demonstrating the opposite in the present generation. I am still a SAHM, and my change in POV came hard and painfully, involving as it does core spiritual beliefs about life and womanhood. And yes, in my case and in the cases of many other women, accepting messages that "God doesn't want you to have an identity outside of the home" is rooted in low self-esteem. This is still a real issue for many women in our increasingly right-wing society. There is a world of difference between "having mom at home is the best arrangement for little kids" and "therefore, it is not legitimate to have any other aspirations," and you seem not to realize that confusing the difference between the two is still being used to control women in large sectors of contemporary society.
post #54 of 262
I had no other aspirations in life other than being a stay at home wife and mother. I was not right wing or Christian when I made this decision, and I would hesitate to call myself right wing now. Being a stay at home mom has been my dream in life and is what is best not only for my children but for me. I personally can't understand another pov on the subject because it isn't what is true for me, but I'll try and respect another pov.

I'm glad we live in a society where women have options and they have more and more everyday. For me there wasn't an option. I've been a stay at home wife for eight years and a SAHM for one year and it is what I have always wanted. I never wanted a career outside of the home and don't feel I need that as even an aspiration. I aspire to raise my children well and be a good wife to my husband. Yes it may be archaic by modern feminist standards, but I have the right to make that decision.

I hope my daughters follow my footsteps because I'm fulfilled in my life and that is what I want for them. However I realize that they may find fulfillment somewhere else, and I think that most of us realize that what we want for our children is joy and fulfillment.
post #55 of 262
Being a SAHM was never an aspiration of mine But it was the result of following my beliefs about natural family living to it's logical end (for me). I feel it is my career path and am inspired as I think of the future. And to add my religious slant - I know if my daughter seeks to please God and listens to his guidance, she will end up exactly where she needs to be.
post #56 of 262
My mom was a stay at home parent until I was 12 and my youngest sibling was 8, and then she only worked while we were in school.

By the time I was teenager, I thought her life was just awful and that staying at home and taking care of the kids was a stupid waste of time. I may even have told her something to that effect :

Right now, I'm a stay at home parent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Well, for a good number of years anyway, dad wants his chance to stay home with the kids, but he has to wait till we're done having them and the youngest is at least two
post #57 of 262
My mother has been a SAHM since I was born, so it was all I ever knew as a child. Of course when I was a teen, I was NEVER going to follow in her footsteps because she was "just a SAHM". Then when I got older and wiser I realized that is really want I wanted to do once I had DC. I don't care what my DD's do, I just want to do what makes them happy. I am very glad I went to college, I hope they do as well. I do hope that there are more ways to combine work and family when my DD's are moms. I do not see DD1 being a SAHM, DD2 maybe, even though she is a baby is much more mellow. Dd1 is like DH who is a type A person, she'll probably own her own company like he does.
post #58 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin_d_a View Post
I had no other aspirations in life other than being a stay at home wife and mother. I was not right wing or Christian when I made this decision, and I would hesitate to call myself right wing now. Being a stay at home mom has been my dream in life and is what is best not only for my children but for me. I personally can't understand another pov on the subject because it isn't what is true for me, but I'll try and respect another pov.

I'm glad we live in a society where women have options and they have more and more everyday. For me there wasn't an option. I've been a stay at home wife for eight years and a SAHM for one year and it is what I have always wanted. I never wanted a career outside of the home and don't feel I need that as even an aspiration. I aspire to raise my children well and be a good wife to my husband. Yes it may be archaic by modern feminist standards, but I have the right to make that decision.

I hope my daughters follow my footsteps because I'm fulfilled in my life and that is what I want for them. However I realize that they may find fulfillment somewhere else, and I think that most of us realize that what we want for our children is joy and fulfillment.
I love this post!
post #59 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine View Post
Now see, it seems as though you drank the political feminist Kool-Aid.
So what? Those aren't dirty words. I'm a feminist and not going to apologize for it. And I'm more of a feminist than I was a year ago, because of my daughter.
post #60 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by *daciaperfect* View Post
I want my DD to know that it is an option, and one she can be proud of. But I would rather she follow her heart and do what is right for her and her family no matter what that is.
I love that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by prothyraia View Post
My mom was a stay at home parent until I was 12 and my youngest sibling was 8, and then she only worked while we were in school.

By the time I was teenager, I thought her life was just awful and that staying at home and taking care of the kids was a stupid waste of time. I may even have told her something to that effect :

Right now, I'm a stay at home parent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Well, for a good number of years anyway, dad wants his chance to stay home with the kids, but he has to wait till we're done having them and the youngest is at least two
I think what's important is for dd to see her mother as a vibrant, happy, fulfilled human; be that as a student-mom, a working-mom with a career she loves, or a home-mom who takes care of business at home: and find inspiration there.

She may chose to go to school, travel and/or work abroad, get married straight out of high-school and just start popping out kids (please no!)... whatev. I'll support her and help her in any way she needs. If she gets the dream career and wants kids I'll stay home with 'em!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
So what? Those aren't dirty words. I'm a feminist and not going to apologize for it. And I'm more of a feminist than I was a year ago, because of my daughter.

Nice.
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