I can't get over my homebirth lust! (long)

[welldone]

We are electing to have a free standing birth center birth for our third baby, due in early November. Our first was born in a hospital, and our second was born at home in an unassisted (speedy) homebirth (here's her birth story; homebirth was planned, unassisted was not). Our homebirth was wonderful, perfect, and something I really wanted again. I have a lot of fears related to this upcoming birth center birth, and I sense that it will get in the way of me letting go of tension when labor starts. I'm afraid of what this apprehension will do to my labor and birth.

For information's sake, here are the two reasons we have chosen not to homebirth this time:

-Financial. This is the primary reason. Our financial situation has drastically changed. Our current insurance will cover most of the birth at the birth center, costing us a few hundred dollars; a homebirth would cost us $2500 from our own pockets, which we cannot do.
-No local midwives. The closest midwife is 1.25 hours away, non-rush hour. My last labor was about 1.5 hours long.

And here are the fears that have been plaguing me since this pregnancy began:

-I won't make it. We are 25 - 45 minutes from the birth center, straight through the city, and depending on rush hour and construction (ugh). I really, really, really don't want to have transition, or a birth!, in the car. After waiting for my husband to come home from work (rush hour is again a factor), dropping of our kids and/or picking up a support person for them, and driving to the birth center, will my labor be miserable and spent entirely in the car? I know that third births are kind of a toss up, and it could be longer, but there are just no guarantees.
-Kid trauma. If labor starts in the middle of the night, and we have no support person (no family nearby), we can't bring the kids with us. We do have friends willing to watch our kids, though. My two-year-old will probably freak out at being woken up in the middle of the night, toted over to someone else's house, and being told to go to sleep. She's too attached to me for that to be easy.
-Labor in the car. I know I mentioned this partially above, but this is huge for me. My labors have been so fast and intense that I can't imagine doing any of it in a car again!

I'm sure you can clearly see how all of my fears would be resolved if we were to have a homebirth. It's just not that simple; there's no money for such a thing, and the birth center is a wonderful, natural birth option that most people would be thrilled for.

How do I move past these fears so that my labor and birth can be tension-free?

[~Kristina~]

I think you should go unassisted again, since you had no complications last time. The lust for a homebirth won't go away and you will probaby regret not doing it. I decided not to have a homebirth this time, but it was eating me alive and I got so frustrated, I broke down to dh and we found a midwife the next day and we're now having a homebirth. I am so excited, happy, relieved, and feel so good about the decision. GL

[luckymamato2]

I have no experience with homebirth or unnassisted birth. I birthed my dd at a freestanding birth center. The car ride was horrible and she was born 3 hours after arrival. I wish I had stayed home and called the doula instead of alerting the m/w's to my labor. It wasn't BAD, but I think I would have been alot more peaceful if I had stayed at home. Maybe not, since I wasn't prepared for a homebirth. If I get pg again, I will definitely be preparing for a homebirth. I like the idea of at least preparing myself for unnassisted because of my short 1st labor. Maybe I should start saving now, because my dh would never agree to part with $2500 when we could spend less going to a hospital (and ME going to a hospital to GIVE BIRTH will never happen).

Start preparing yourself for an unassisted birth now and you will be fine - that's my opinion and 2 cents. Get a doppler or fetoscope (sp?) and read read read!

[LoveChild421]

hey Serina! Remember me from you're March 05 DDC? Congrats on the pregnancy!

What if you just stayed at home as long as everything feels right and have another UC? You will always have the option of the birth center if you feel something isn't right and you need assistance. I cannot imagine getting into a car mid-labor.

[welldone]

Hey, Jen! Congrats on your pregnancy, too! When are you due?

I really appreciate your thoughts and stories, all. I'd love to hear more thoughts, opinion, encouragement, etc.

On unassisted birth...our homebirth and prenatal care for my second child was all with trained, experienced midwives (CPMs). The birth was unassisted because the midwives couldn't get there soon enough! It was perfect--they arrived about five minutes after she was born. But I am not in a place philosophically to plan an unassisted birth. I've pondered it so heavily this pregnancy, researched it, prayed about it...but I'm finding that I'm firmly of the opinion that I prefer an educated, experienced, naturally-minded third party (midwife) to be present at the birth. I feel as though someone who is not in labor (me) or supporting the labor/about to become a father (husband) should be there to support and monitor signs I may not catch.

Perhaps I should continue an educated consideration of unassisted birth. I think I will. But honestly, I don't support the concept--for me--at this point. I wish, from a purely emotional standpoint, that I could. It would be the perfect solution.

[ckhagen]

I birthed at a FSBC for my VBAC. I didn't have the option to homebirth because I'm over 2 hours from the midwife (same one at the FSBC) and she can't travel all the way out here. To top it off the closest hospital is over an hour away, so emergent transfer would have been a problem.

Of course, I had some of the same fears. I feared not making it... I did make it, in plenty of time. I feared laboring in the car... it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The 2 hour ride in active labor was actually like this huge grace period. My contractions slowed, I did my best to relax, and really only worried about dh falling asleep at the wheel :

About your kids... I actually just called the person who was going to be watching my son when I made the decision to get on the road. She was here by the time I was ready to go. That way I didn't have to wake him to take him somewhere. She slept the rest of the night on our couch while he slept and then brought him to the BC in the morning to be there in time for the new baby's arrival. I just had DH put his carseat in her car before we left.

I'm just trying to ease your fears since it seems that this is the option you've chosen. It really went quite well for me and although I would/will still homebirth one day (now that we have a local hospital and my m/w is getting a partner that may be an option for the next babe!), I don't regret any of it. Granted... every FSBC is different. In my case it was like birthing in a family members home, but I know it's not like that everywhere.