years between 1st two children

[Genesis]

DH and I are trying to decide when to have another child. We're not sure if we should try to have another one when DS is 1, 2, 3, 4 years old, we just don't know.

In your opinion, what is a good age difference between the 1st two children, or do you think it just depends on the family? How far apart are your 1st two children, and what was your experience with that?

We'd like to try for another one right now, but I don't want to risk losing my milk when I get pregnant. Also, we would need a bigger house. But if we wait until DS is 2 or 3, it seems like it would be harder to parent him at that age while being pregnant, but I guess it depends on what kind of toddler he is. He's an easygoing, energetic, happy baby that is easily calmed down, so hopefully that's the kind of toddler he will be.

Maybe we'll just see what happens instead of trying to plan it, I don't know. We hope to have 4 or 5 children and we hope to homeschool, if that makes a difference in your opinions.

Michele

[giggleball]

I have no idea what to tell you will work best for your family but I can tell you about ours. We have three kids with 27 months in between each child (just worked out that way). It's been a bit challenging since they are all 5 and under but I can also see hope for the future that they will be great friends and when we go places, since they are close in age, it will be more developmentally similar for them (for instance, they might all enjoy Disney at relatively the same ages, etc.).

Good luck in your decision!

[HarperRose]

My first 2 are 18 mos apart. Ds weaned at 12 mos on his own so I didn't notice any supply issues. It was VERY difficult for me when they were younger. Now it's easier because they're older. My younger one will be 6 years older than the new baby. I'm interested to see how the age gap works out.

My sil has about 2 yrs between each of hers. Nephew is 4, niece is 2, and newborn nephew is 3 mos.

[miss_sonja]

Mine are 3 2/3 years apart, and the only thing I would change would be to space them even farther. I did have to taper off nursing older DD, and that was hard. They get along great now, and play well together. I know that I would not have been happy with an infant and a toddler, just wouldn't have enjoyed it. I've seen friends do it, and wondered at how. I know that yes, you do step up to the plate and do it, but if there's a choice, I would choose wider rather than closer spacing.

I'm toying with the idea of another, and that spacing would be close to five years if it happened...

[lotusdebi]

My two are almost 5 years apart. DS1 weaned around the time I got pregnant - shortly before his 4th birthday. Since I wasn't comfortable nursing past 4, and he and I had agreed that he'd stop by his birthday, that worked out perfectly! We're unschooling, but he would've been in Pre-K during my pregnancy otherwise, and would be going into Kindergarten this Fall. As it is, he's spending a lot of time in camp this summer, and is old enough that I don't have to worry about him there. And he participated in a low-cost 3x/ week program at the rec center while I was pregnant. He's also old enough to play in the backyard with minimal supervision. I'm loving the age difference, really. There's not much in the way of sibling rivalry or jealousy. The boys are absolutely in love with each other! DS1 teaches DS2 all sorts of things, entertains him, even tries to change his diapers. DS2 can't get enough of his brother - even when big brother is being a little bit rough. The down side of such an age difference is that they're not going to be involved in the same activities. While this is great in one way - to ensure that they get to follow their own interests and aren't pushed into an activity just because the other is in it - it's also difficult because I'm running DS1 all around the place to do things that DS2 can't do. DS2 is still an infant and doesn't mind yet. But, I can see us all spending a lot of time in the car, making sure each boy gets his fair share of outside activites, and figuring out how to occupy the one while the other is in his class or camp or whatever. What I love about this age difference is that I got to really enjoy DS1's infant and toddler years, and he was truly ready for more independent activities when DS2 came along. I don't feel like I've pushed DS1 away to take care of DS2. And I can focus a lot on DS2's infancy because DS1 is happy playing by himself.
Hope that helps!

[KMK_Mama]

My first 2 are only 15 months apart. It wasn't planned that way, but I like it because they are both girls and they are so close. BUT they also fight terribly and they drive me crazy. My 2nd DD and my DS are 2 years and 7 months apart and I can say that their age gap is SO MUCH EASIER!

[Justmee]

My first 2 are 10 minutes apart, but you really don't have a choice about that

Rivka is 17 months younger than the twins and in some ways I found it to be a really easy gap. The big girls didn't really exect / need to go out every day, so chilling at home with baby was okay with them. The girls were still napping 2x a day so I got lots of breaks. Now they all go to sleep at the same time, and play really nicely together. They are into the same things at the park, they like the same TV shows, I don't have to plan a family outing that my oldest will roll her eyes at and the baby won't be able to enjoy. The twins also showed no jealosy / uspet over the new baby, but I have read and heard from other people that can be a twin thing.

Rivka and this baby G/d willing will be 2-3/4 years apart. I am interested to see how this gap works. I like how I won't need a double stroller, or have to push 2 and sling 1, I am glad everyone will be out of diapers (or almost) and no one is nursing (Rivka self wearned a few months ago, before I got pregnant). I'm hoping this baby will be able to find his / her place since the three girls are so close in age and close to each other. I'm also more worried about Rivka becoming a big sister than I was about the other two. Rivka plays the part of "I'm the baby" reallly well in the family.

[Alkenny]

It really does depend on each situation...my first two are 27 months apart.

[Houdini]

DS1 and DD are 18 months apart. DD and DS2 are 14 months apart. DS2 and DS3 are 3 years 3 months.

It was hard when the older three were younger (under 4), but it is great now that they are older (12, 10, 9). We don't have a lot of bickering, but do have some. It seems to go in waves and one child seems to be the instigator. My nine year old has taken that role lately. The only other issue we have going right now is my oldest is getting more priveleges than my ten year old and she is not happy about it.

I prefer the close spacing than the far apart. It is really harder having the youngest so far off from everyone else. They don't have the same interests when we go to places like the Zoo or Science Museums. I can do a lot more involved things with the older three, but the youngest is bored and vice versa. It is getting less difficult as my youngest gets older.

[cjanelles]

There are 4 years between my first and second child, and honestly, I wish they were closer in age.

It seems, in my experience with both my kids and my sisters kids (who are also 4 years apart) and my very good girlfriend's kids, that this distance is just enough of a separation for there to be quite a bit of resentment on the lifestyle infringement a new baby brings to the family.

I have always felt that if my kids were closer in age, they would be more bonded...or if they were farther apart in age, they would be less bothered by the other's existance. Of course, I have no way of knowing for sure.

As it stands, my son is 14 and my daughter is 10...and I just gave birth to a second daughter 5 weeks ago...so, there are 10 years between my youngest and my now-middle child. And both of the big kids are happy with the baby (although my son would deny that whole-heartedly).

[sunshine's mama]

DD and her step/half sister are 4.5 years apart.

DD and the new baby will be 3.5 years apart.

I would've preferred closer spacing but nature doesn't always let you decide that when you are dealing with infertility..........

The 4.5 years isn't working well as playing or intrest from the older sibling......I *hope* the 3.5yr spacing will be a bit better but ya never know!!!

[mamazee]

We're just starting to try for #2, so ours will be about 6 years apart, if everything goes well. We wanted to be able to focus on our daughter until she was old enough to not be resentful of #2. And as far as kids not getting along based on age differences, my husband and his sister are 13 months apart and hate each other. My brother and I are 14 months apart and get along pretty well. My mother-in-law and her sister are 6 years apart and are absolute best friends. I know examples of other spacings and other relationships, but my point is that there's no guarantee about how well kids will get along no matter what. I think there are positives and negatives to both choices, but when I watch shows like Supernanny, it seems like most of the discipline problems are caused by having a bunch of young children close in age who all still have very great needs. One of the things I think is that if the kids were spaced more, there would be like one-fifth of the problems. Close spacing gives potential playmates for your kids, and there's value to that, but I'm presenting here my reasons for spacing of several years.

[RedWine]

Dd1 and dd2 are 27 months apart.

The pros: They love each other and play together all the time.

The cons: when dd2 was born, dd1 still very much needed me and I couldn't emotionally be there for her. I found myself emotionally distant with her (hormonal due to new baby?). Our relationship took a major toll. Today, 2 years later, I am still working on repairing the damage done to our relationship by the introduction of her sister into the family. We are okay for the most part, but we were thick as thieves before her sister was born.

So a lot of me wishes we had waited. However, they roll around on the floor together every day while laughing hysterically together.

So it's a toss-up, I guess.

[female18-]

5-6 years apart sounds good to me. My ds is 4.