Can it get worse? oh wait, don't answer that!!!

[Fish Face]

Alright, ladies, some of you saw my dilemma, heartbreack, drama, and my discovery of my pregnancy. Well, what do you know. Now that I have backed (completely) off for a few weeks, he calls me. HE CALLED ME AFTER IGNORING ME FOR WEEKS. Asking if we can get together for a drink. He's feeling "confused." Uhhh... nope, no can do. For lunch, okay, not for drinks. He asked why I was being weird. Like it's my fault that it's weird??? Well, truth be known , because I believe myself to be pregnant until I hear otherwise from my dr. on Thursday, I'm not drinking! But I do believe it's not something to be brought up in a hostile situation or anything. Why does him feeling "confused" after 1.5 years of dating = okay to come right back in and get sloshed so we can have make up sex? Sorry, but that's the pic I have in my mind. Maybe its not all as green on th the other side as he imagined! But I'm not on earth to be his comfort prize.

Anyway, I told him I'd be happy to meet for lunch, but that I was booked this coming week, so proposed dates/times for next week. (Okay, the purpose of this was so that I had control, but the rationale was that I will know by next week where I stand with this pregnancy which will make our meeting more productive or at least truthful). He wasn't happy pushing it off a week, but reluctantly agreed. So, we have lunch set for Tuesday ( I think the 16th) That gives me 4+ full days for it to set in and for me to have a clear head that he cannot mess with.

I might sound tough, but my heart is already feeling the weight.

This is going to be hard.

[Metta&Karuna]

Wow, major crossroads. I hope you are able to remain clear and strong. You are stronger than you realize. One step at a time.

[cycle]

This is a tough situation. I urge you to think clearly about what YOU want to do in regards to the baby, not use it in any way in the situation with your ex, and think carefully about when it is best to tell him.

Good Luck.

[Jster]

Sounds like you handled the situation really well! And I agree with pp, try to find out what YOU want to do so you don't get pressured. Heck, even if there were no pregnancy involved, I think you're handling his behavior the right way

I'll tell you, though, I don't think I was ever more terrified in my life than when I told DP that I was pregnant, even though I knew what I'd do with or without him, it was still a tough moment.

I'll be thinking about you this week!

[kissum]

I wish you luck! I hope that you are able to talk it out and move forward so that you can be happy.

[brogansmomma]

I think it's wise that you pushed it off a week. Stay firm in whatever you decide. Good luck!

[Fish Face]

I am going to tell him. But I have decided not to do it at lunch or dinner or any other "outing." I have no idea how he's going to take this and I am worried. So I'm going to ask him to meet me at my apartment (my roommates will be there, in their rooms, they know the deal). If we want privacy, we go to my room. If he gets mean, he gets escorted out by all of us. **wish us luck**

[WatermelonSnow]

I want to commend you on your strength. First, you agreed to meet with him, on your terms. Then, you made a decision about the setting for giving him the news. In another show of strength, you rallied your support system to keep yourself safe both physically and emotionally. Each of these acts shows wisdom and strength of spirit. I wish you the best.

[Bad Mama Jama]

Originally Posted by WatermelonSnow

I want to commend you on your strength. First, you agreed to meet with him, on your terms. Then, you made a decision about the setting for giving him the news. In another show of strength, you rallied your support system to keep yourself safe both physically and emotionally. Each of these acts shows wisdom and strength of spirit. I wish you the best.

: Good for you and be as strong as well all know that you are.

[marieeagle]

I am so sorry Fishface. I am going through something similar only I am pregnant with twins! I told one of my exes (could be the dad and I honestly think that he is) and he was so mean about the whole thing. He said that it was my fault if I was pregnant and that he shouldn't be held responsible for the rest of his life. The sad thing was that I dated him for a long time and was really in love. Shouldn't he take some responsibility? I don't want to make him because it should be something he wants to do..but at the same time don't my twins need some sort of father? I have been so upset about the whole thing. This whole thing just stinks. :

[Fish Face]

I'm sorry you're going through a painful time too, marieeagle. I am going to see my ex on Sunday evening. Seeing as how he asked me "out" after breaking up with me, and I told him no, but we should talk...I think he has absolutely no clue what this is about. Part of me hopes he'll be wanting me back and be happy about the news (well, maybe not initially), but the other part of me knows that he already pushed me away once to go be "young" and have fun, I am prepared for the worst. I've already decided I am having this baby. My sister knows and supports me and I'll be telling my parents this weekend. I am sooooooooo scared. My family is very religious and I am absolutely terrified of telling them. I pray that they will support me and try to understand. I hope your family is being supportive of you, marieeagle.

[marieeagle]

Fishface,

My mom is very supportive, as is my sister. My dad was really upset, though, but he will have to get over it. Don't worry what they say. My parents are really religious, too, but they will eventually understand. I am glad you have a supportive sister. That makes things a lot easier. Does she have dc?

I would meet your ex and talk to him. Give him a chance. You never know what will happen. I would guard yourself, though.

I am glad you are having the baby. I am telling you that even though I am terrified...it was the best decision I made.

I will say a prayer for you that all goes well this weekend.

Marie

[izandleo]

I'll be thinking of you this weekend...let us know how it goes.

[Fish Face]

Well, he's been calling incessantly. I think my avoiding him is making him more interested in me. Except we are not playing college games anymore. BIG SIGH. Part of me just wants to pick up the phone and TELL him and get it over with. I don't know if I can last till Sunday. I want it over and done.

[Metta&Karuna]

If you feel like telling him by phone sooner, do it. Do whatever truly works best for you.

[chrysalis]

fish face, i just have one thing to say...do you WANT this guy in your childs life? if you establish paternity, he will have RIGHTS. he sounds like he's got a drinking problem...and he doesnt' sound too responsible. anyway, sometimes i wish i'd NEVER let me ex back into my life (i think i was about 5 mos. pg at the time...then i finally kicked him to the curb when megh was 9 mos. old...he never got put onto the birth certificate....wooo!) when i did.

i totally understand your emotions though cuz i had the same ones...it was hard for me to let the ex go. i was sooo physically/emotionally attracted to this buttwipe. i still to this day think about him...i'm sooo glad i dont' have to do the joint custody thing or have to deal w/ him at all re. megh. that would drive me bonkers and be hell for me. i don't know how mamas do it. so just all i'm sayin' is think hard about what you want for you and you child...cuz once paternity is established, it changes EVERYTHING. well sometimes.

i'm so sorry you are going thru this... hugs to you. and jamonit girl!

[Bad Mama Jama]

Establishing paternity is a big deal. Think it through very carefully and figure out what you want as establishing paternity gives an open door to a number of rights and they can only be taken away AFTER the ass has fallen out of a situation and something serious has happened.

[marieeagle]

Fishface, while I know most people would say that it is only fair to tell the father....perhaps you really should think whether you want this guy in your child's life forever or not. If you feel like it is the right thing to do then you tell him when and how you want to.

I am sorry that he is toying with your feelings. One of my exes was like that...as soon as he broke up with me and I quit taking his calls..he was calling me all the time. Asking me if we did the right thing, ect.....Then I would get back together with him and start feeling things again he would pull the same junk. AAAAAH! I feel your pain and definitely will say a prayer for you this weekend. You are a strong woman and will do the right thing. We are always here for you.

[Fish Face]

I am not sure how I feel about him being a part of my child's life. Right now, I know rationally that he hurt me so bad I should hate him, but a part of me still loves the a******. I wish I could stop that feeling!!!

If I don't tell him, and don't establish paternity, then I can't get child support. That's another thought. How do you mamas make it without that financial support?

[boobybunny]

I think it would be very sad not to tell him, and wrong. It is his child as well. Give him the chance to be a stand up dad, even if was not a stand up boyfriend.