He has not called -- Worry -- Hormones

[Kontessa]

I want to pretend
Pretend that everything is ok
That I am not falling apart almost every night
That I could trust he is safe.
That the darkness does not change me.

Hubby has not called in two days. This is not much considering things but for us it is not common. Specially as it was his birthday and he had a date to call DD. She is worried to. So I play brave for her. Honestly though, I am worried. I can not help it. I know the phones and internet where he is at are infact working as there is a friend there able to call out, but he has no contact with my love. So what to do? What can I do. I can vent and cry and not leave my house till I hear from him.

What I can not deal with is one more person telling me it is ok, not to worry, he must be busy, that he is just fine because they they just know it. I know him best and I do not even know. Reality people. This situation is not ok, and I have every right to worry. Damn it I am scared, I am pregnant, and I miss him.

I am not ok! Yes, I am fine most of the time, but when it gets dark and late and the kids are asleep, my shields must come down and I just let it all rage. Is there something so wrong with that? I swear friends just want me to act like nothing is wrong, always play happy for them.... They miss the "old" me..... what am I supposed to say to that? I am sorry I am depressed, I will stop now? Or rush out and get back on medication? What ever is easy on them I guess.

I am sorry for this rant. Can someone just please accept that I am not always going to be ok, and that is it ok that I am not? That it is reasonable in my situation to be depressed? That I am not some kind of failer for voiceing all this and feeling it?

Please?

Blessings,
Kimmy

[GinaRae]

Well, since I am up at 4am crying because of my own reasons (only mine are silly), can I join you? If only for a minute as I SHOULD try to sleep.

It's so hard not to tell you it's okay, he's busy, etc.. That's what we do! We say the same stupid things over and over either hoping they will help, or hoping to get out of a harder discussion. So hard not to say those things.

Do wives get notified right away if something is wrong?

Depression in pregnancy stinks even worse than your every day depression. Emotionally, hormonally and situationally, especially in your case. It sucks big donkey butt. I am so sorry you're going through this. I have no spine for being a military wife.

Can you get help on base -- I mean, not for meds, but just someone to talk to who specializes in those who fall apart when their beloved is gone? I would think they have someone, but I know nothing about it either. I sometimes live in a fairytale.

Take care, Mama.

[De-lovely]

Just wanted to show you love and support mama as I can NOT imagine...BIG BIG HUGS to you mama!

[ComfyCozy]

Vent away, sweetie...you have lots of support here

[mittendrin]

O boy, this must be tough! I remember dh being deployed to Albania. Fortunately it wasn't as serious and dangerous as the place where your dh is but I was lucky to get a phone call once a week. They had like one phone for 1000 people and no internet. But sheesh, when I couldn't reach him that one time a week I went bonkers: I cannot imagine having to go thru this pregnant. You have every right to freak out and my heart goes out to you. I know how lonely you can get at night when you can't sleep and are beside yourself cause you are so worried. And you can't even get drunk...
Do you have any close friends who can keep you busy at home? Cause I know there's no way you'll leave the house until you get a phone call!
Sending stay-strong vibes your way and hope this miserable time will be over soon!

[Kontessa]

Thank you mamas. I was up all night, curled up next to my laptop and phone in bed with a book. Have not done that in a long time. It was nice, specially with candles. And then hubby did call and we talked for two hours. We never get that long.

As it turns out, he is on a 4 day pass to some place where he can get and site see and go swimming and shop. They only get on chance per deployment and he had no idea about it till they grabbed him and put him on a plane. It took him this long where he is at now to find the phones that work with his calling card. I am really happy for him though and told him to pull money out of the account and have a blast while he can. I also let him know how much worry money I spent on diapers the last two days online. LOL He is going to try and call after I get some sleep and the kids get up so he can talk with them too. He is very sorry about not calling and said he could have tried harder but was honestly overwhelmed with this new little trip. But hey, he did not get made at me about killing the small savings we have and I am feeling guilty about it. I need to try and replace it next payday is all. And I can, as long I stop ordering pizza and buying stuff online. So I am on the wagon. Money has caused us enough tears and worries I need not dig us into another whole.

Anyway, I wanted to update so that no one here worried. Things are as ok now as they can be and it being 7am, I am going to try for a nap before the kids get up. I feel so so so much better it is amazing.

Blessings,
Kimmy

[*GreenMama*]

I'm so happy everything worked out fine Kimmy! Hugs and love to you and yours!

[monocyte]

So glad you heard from him.

I honestly dont know what I would do if my DH was deployed. Pregnant or not pregnant. I like Gina's suggestion about getting some sort of help, I know my SIL just got some herself, but outside of base as to not get a mark on her file as she is active as well.

[Ackray]

I'm so glad he called!

[Grace24]

I'm so glad he's ok! Where is he based right now?

[Rikki Jean]

I'm so glad he's okay!

[Googy]

Gosh, Kontessa, I am just so sorry. I can't imagine your worry, nor how stressful this situation must be for you. I wish I had some brilliant words of consolation, but I think that you are in a difficult situation, and no words are going to change that. Just know that I am sending lots of hopes and prayers your way. Please let us know when you hear from DH.

[Isaac'sMa]

Kontessa,
I am SO glad he called and you got to talk *for 2 hours*! That's great, but the worry must be so intense. I can't imagine if it was my dh...it was bad enough when it was my brother. He was in Afghanistan and now he has to go to Iraq next...I know a little about the worry about not even knowing where they are. (My brother was a Ranger and so we never knew where he was being deployed or what type of mission it was until after the fact, if then, since a lot of it was/is classified.) It really sucks!

Please rant/vent to us. I think it's totally and completely normal and *healthy* that you're not hiding these feelings from your friends. Maybe what they want to see is happiness and smiles, but that's just not the reality at all times when our loved ones are deployed and (potentially) in harm's way.

I am sorry you feel alone IRL and that you are pg while your dh is away.

[De-lovely]

Yay! I was SUPER glad when I read this update! Woohoo!!! Big hugs of relief Kimmy!

[*Lindsey*]

I know I'm late, but I wanted to give you s and say YAY! I'm so glad everything's ok.

I do not know how wives of soldiers do it.

[Kontessa]

I have actually tried the "getting help" deal already and was stuck with pills and supposed to go to group therapy with other army wives who have depression. I also was able to go to someone on my own. My issue is that 1. I wanted to kick some of the other women, yadda yadda they feel horrible they cheat, he cheats, they hit their kids.... mean while they all judged me for homeschooling and other things. Not going back! And the shrink just wanted to talk about my childhood and that is best not thought about while I need to be stable. Not to mention all that took time away from my kids and put them with sitters.

Soooo I desided to do what I would do if I was going to such a person, only here, online, where I am not taking time from my kids! I have had some training in the field and NVC and I know what I need, thus I asked for it. Someone to tell me it was to feel what I was feeling and not try and change or make it better. And you ladies did that, it helped. Enough at least that I got to light candles and read in peace.

What I have learned after being pregnant this many times is that most Drs and others do not understand how Normal wild emotions are at this time. They want to put a label on you, pills, and push you out the door. Yes sometimes we need medication, sometimes though, we just need empathy.

Blessings,
Kimmy

[scheelimama]

Kimmy

Thanks for making me feel normal. I have felt the same way many times. I haven't dealt well with my husband being gone. I thought I had a good support system on base, lots of friends who are in the same situation, but if I dare whine about not hearing from my husband for over 48 hours, they are quick to remind me that I hear from him much more than they hear from their husbands and that he's probably fine and too busy to call. It really bothers me. That's not what I want or need to hear. I can't stand going more than 2 days without hearing from him, so I understand how you were feeling. I can't imagine getting 2 hours to talk to dh! How wonderful that must have felt!

[Metiswoman]

Hey Kimmy,

I'm late chiming in here but I just wanted to offer you some support! I can only read your words and imagine what you are going through--I know it is much more than you are probably able to express. Just wanted to offer some empathy over the depression. It is completely understandable given that you are in a situation that has no immediate solution--just a kind of limbo of waiting. Medicine isn't going to help that at all, don't see why these doctors can't understand that!
I hope you are able to keep in contact with your husband more and that he enjoys himself on his small break. May you and your family be reunited really soon. Take care!

[Kontessa]

Originally Posted by scheelimama

Kimmy

Thanks for making me feel normal. I have felt the same way many times. I haven't dealt well with my husband being gone. I thought I had a good support system on base, lots of friends who are in the same situation, but if I dare whine about not hearing from my husband for over 48 hours, they are quick to remind me that I hear from him much more than they hear from their husbands and that he's probably fine and too busy to call. It really bothers me. That's not what I want or need to hear. I can't stand going more than 2 days without hearing from him, so I understand how you were feeling. I can't imagine getting 2 hours to talk to dh! How wonderful that must have felt!

Alishia (((HUGS))) Your not alone. I know it seems silly sometimes venting to other wives who hear from their loves even less but that does not make your situation any better for you. I am sorry my husband will go without food or sleep and stand in line for hours to call me. I have friends who know their own husbands will not. They also understand what a big deal it is to me, with the worry, when my love does not call. SOMETHING must have kept him from it and it must have been big.

Anyway, my point is. No one knows how your are feeling but you. Same with me. I don't say my pain is any better or worse then anyone elses, just mine. I am sure you think the same thing. Sometimes we just need to let it out and not be judged for it.

[LittleLlama]

I'm so glad you got to talk to him so long! My uncle was deployed to the Gulf in Desert Storm. My cousins were at my house during Christmas and my aunt just told me "sometimes they need to cry" and it was such a big insight for me. You don't want to be fixed, he'll call when he does (and we hope it's soon) but sometimes it just is too long and all of us needed to just be ok with however they expressed it.