other children at birth

[desert_mommi]

We're expecting #3. Our kids will be 4 1/2 and 3 when this one arrives. I'd like some advice on including them.
I'm worried about trying to be 'mom' to them and trying to be in the moment with my body.
Our daughter was only 16mo when our son was born so my mom just took her for a walk when I started pushing...This time, I'd like them to be involved. I just don't know how.
Thanks in advance from those of you who have been in this situation,
Chris

[janellesmommy]

You should have someone there who's only job is to take care of the children. Possibly two people--one for each child.

Some activities to be involved: draw pictures of mommy having the baby, bring mommy a glass of water when she wants one, etc. Also, just by watching, they are being very involved! Talk to them ahead of time about the noises you might make, about how loud you might be. Tell them that when you are being loud, it is not scary, it is exciting, because that means the baby is coming soon! My almost four year old daughter was very happy to watch the birth. I don't know how a 3 year old would be.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

My plan with my UC was to have my older there if she was awake. She wasn't though. She has grown up with birth talk, birth videos, all that. I wasn't worried. You have to know your kids. I did NOT want extra people at my birth, so I decided to risk it and not have anyone dedicated to my daughter, who was then 2, except my husband, the only other person there.

[Martha_2sons]

I had friends over who knew that there job was to be with DS1 (who was just over 3 years at the time) wherever he wanted to be. He ended up wanting to be with me and he was just incredibly wonderful. He somehow knew that I couldn't talk with him during contractions but in between he would pat me and offer me sips of water. Then when his brother was born he brought in his favorite toys and books to show his new baby brother.

We did watch a lot of birth videos and read picture books about homebirth. (I think one was called Welcome, With Love) Kids seem to "get" birth and to do well.

[ColoradoMama]

My oldest daughter has been at all three of her siblings births. One was at the hospital. The other two at home. For my first homebirth, my mom was there and she was pretty much dedicated to taking care of dd. My daughter would come be with me a lot then she'd alternate to my dh then mom. Towards the end when I was really noisy, she'd stay with mom, but she did great. My son was 23 months at that time and super, super clingy. I felt bad because I knew my son would want me throughout the day, but I also knew he'd be very needy, so my dad took him for the day (my dad is WAY squeamish about pain and blood anyway!). He actually did pretty well. He cried a little a first, but then they had a fun day.

With my second home birth, I had two friends there whose responsibility were my children. We prepared them for what the birth would be like, then we involved them in making a "snack bag." We bought a bunch of snacks that would be just for them and the birth team - they thought that was so cool. Once I went into labor, they started digging in the bag! We were very laid back about them being there or not. They got to watch movies if they wanted. They could also come and go as they pleased in the birthing room. My oldest daughter stayed with me a lot - especially at the end. She was almost 7. My son who was 4 1/2 came and went. At the end, he decided to stay downstairs. My two year old decided that I didn't exist when I went into labor! She kept denying that the baby was being born. After my friend brought her up to see the baby though, she was totally in love. It was adorable.

Okay, wow, that was long winded. Good luck.