What do you think about this method?

[~Megan~]

Step 1: State your request and offer a reason.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up. It is time to leave."

Step 2: Restate your request.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up."

It is helpful to get down on the child's level and touch your child while looking in his eyes to make sure you have his attention.

Step 3: Offer help.

Example: "You are having a hard time stopping your play. Can you stop playing and clean up or do you need my help?"

Whether your child requests help or not respect their wishes. Help is not a punishment, it is help.

Step 4: Help.

Example: "You are not stopping your play. Here, let me help you."

Again, help is not a punishment. It is an acknowledgment that your child is unable to stop on their own. This may be due to a lack of maturity, being tired or hungry, or simply not wanting to stop.

Step 5: The Bear Hug.

Stand behind your child and wrap your arms over her shoulders and across her chest. Hold her arms with your hands if you are concerned about her striking out. Squat down to her level and speak gently in her ear that you are helping her stop herself and that you will let her go when she can stop herself. Gentle pressure on her shoulders can keep her from kicking or attempting to run from you. This is not a punishment. It is providing outside boundaries for a child who lacks internal boundaries.

I was okay with it until the last part. I don't know if I'm comfortable with that

[alexa07]

My question is: Why is the last step even necessary?

With a little child I would just gently pick them up ( if it was time to go and they were not coming) after the second request.

With a child who is older, say over age 4, I do the "active waiting" method, advised by Anthony Wolf in "The Secret of Parenting."

Here is how it works.

You tell your child it is time to do something (clean up). They do not after several requests.

Then you kind of just stand there looking at your child and waiting for your child to do it. The attitude you need to convey is "I am waiting, I am going to keep waiting unitil you do it, I am NOT enjoying the wait."

I was nervous at first that this would not work. But it has worked almost every time with my kids.

Now if they still refuse to do something like clean up and I need it done, I will clean it up myself. And then say "I asked you to clean up and you did not. I do not like having to do it. Next time I expect you to do it." This is also effective in the long run.

[Mothernature]

I don't think it should have to ever get to the last step unless the child is over tired or hungry or somehow otherwise out of control. I follow almost all of these steps when I want dd to get out of the bath. I tell her it's time to put her toys away and drain the water so we can get dried off. Then I ask her if she wants to put the toys away herself or if she wants me to help. Usually she wants to do it herself, but if she is tired sometimes she'll ask for help. She always wants to pull the plug herself so if she is dragging her feet I tell her that if she doesn't drain the water I'll have to do it for her since it is time to get out of the bath. That usually works. I never have to resort to bear hugging her out of the tub and I have an extremely persistent, spirited toddler.

I can think of occasions that it might progress to that level if I don't give my full attention. Playing at the park is an activity that dd has a hard time transitioning from. There have been times that we stayed too long and I have had to carry her to the car after she's dissolved to tears and tantrums. I blame myself for those times for not paying more attention to her cues of being tired/hungry. I guess if you can remain calm and patient while you're going through this step it could work, but by the time I get there I usually don't have much left in that department so I think for me it isn't a good choice. It would definately come off as punitative in my case, which I think from the OP is not what the author is advocating.

[khrisday]

For me, there are a whole lot of steps in between making a request and a physical restraint. I have restrained my son, he is violent (he has special needs), but I would not do that simply because he didn't do what I asked.
I have tried the "active waiting" thing as well- he really couldn't care less.
What I will do in a situation like that is ask ONCE, and give him 30 seconds or so. If he doesn't do it (and if this has been a chronic problem recently) I will repeat the request as I gently physically guide him through the task.
a) it gets the task done
b) it encourages him to listen to a request the first time so that he doesn't have to have mom help him do it