Dh's style of communicating

[blessed]

It makes me cringe to hear him in the other room:

(disapproving, angry voice) "Dd! Don't put your feet up on the chair! They're dirty!"

(shocked, surprised, embarrassed) "I'm NOT! Poopy head daddy!"

(annoying, patronizing tone) "Dd, don't talk that way to daddy. I'm just trying to talk to you. You need to answer me in a civil tone of voice."

: It just annoys me so much, partly because I have to deal with this same garbage. He comes at you totally unexpected, both barrels blazing, then acts all righteous and offended when you respond emotionally. And then also, he never seems to 'get it' why dd shows such a preference for being with me over him

By way of comparison, I would have simply said 'Oh, dd look. You're shoes are dirty and it's getting on the chair."

To which the response would have been something along the lines of "I'm sorry, mama!" as she jumps up to get towel to wipe their chair off.

Ya know?

[roxyrox]

We just have a rule that you take shoes of at the door.

But for your dh, if he wants her to answer in a "civil tone of voice", he needs to speak to her in one, yk?
Instead of saying "no feet on the chair"...he should either say "lets get your shoes off before you do jump up there" OR "lets play on the floor...with X, whatever"

You sound like you have it exactly right but I think for your dh, you have to spell it out!! I had to for mine. Now the one rule he keeps in his mind is "make a positive statement" It actually does work.

He would (previously) have been exactly like your dh but now instead of saying
"Dd! Don't put your feet up on the chair! They're dirty!", he would now say..."hey come jump down here on the floor with me".

It took him a couple of weeks but I was always on his shoulder going "make it a positive" - now the first thing dh says is (if ds is being realy "unruly"!)... "ok, what's the positive, what can we find"

[roxyrox]

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