Another spin-off! Do you 'discipline' other people's kids at the playground?

[littleaugustbaby]

Discipline might be a bit strong of a word...

When you're out at the playground, and there is a child who is hurting another child, what do you do? Do you say something to the child? Do you find the mom? How do you handle it? How do you feel about other people intervening when it is your child?


The other day, we were at an indoor playground at a restaurant, and the play area is enclosed. There is no food allowed in the play area, but it is surrounded by windows, so people will usually get tables next to the windows so that they can eat and watch the kids while they play. When we were in there, one of the kids, who looked about 4, started hitting another little boy, really violently, over and over again. The little boy ran to his mom, and the other boy chased him. When he got near the mom, the mom said, "It is not OK to hit!". She didn't yell, but she was very firm. The boy ran out to his mom (who had not been paying attention), and told her that the lady had yelled at him. The mom then got angry at the lady, and sent her boy back in to play, where he continued to hit the other kids, and at one point got into a violent fight with his brother, right in front of his mom, who continued to ignore it.


I know situations like that are pretty rare - in my experience, parents are usually watching their kids, though sometimes stuff happens when they're not looking. In a situation where someone is in immediate danger - i.e. being hit, or having sand thrown in their eyes, etc., I have no problems intervening. In situations where it is not as dangerous, I'll usually try to find the parents, if I can. It hasn't happened to us yet, but if there were a situation where my DD were hurting someone, I'd have no problem with another parent stepping in, as long as they were gentle and respectful.

So, how do you handle these situations?

[ThreeBeans]

I have no trouble intervening in childish disputes. Usually a few gentle words/suggestions is all it takes. I have never yelled or threatened or 'punished' a child.


Other than the teens I have layed into for smoking on or near the playground equipment. :

More than a few teens has felt the Wrath of ThreeBeans at our local playground :

[blessed]

That's just wack. I would most definitely stop another child from hitting dd and would have no qualms using firm words or physically separating them if necessary.

After seeing that the boy's mother was so incompetent, I'd probably approach the manager of the facility and demand that the boy be removed. If it happened in a public playground where there wasn't that recourse, I'd probably just pack up dd and leave. That type of parent would be psycho enough to try to fist fight, or pull a weapon or something.

[marybethorama]

I haven't had to in a long time but yes.

One time someone had to discipline my child. I was mortified but I didn't complain to the other person because I thought they had handled it fine.

[roxyrox]

I do. Discipling them is a lot different from "punishing" them which is what people often think. If kids are being unruly and there is no parent there..I (gently) spell it out that the 2 kids I am with are really little and can get hurt by really rough play. Most kids are really ameniable and then go out of their way to "help" the little ones, at least in my experience.

[bigeyes]

I think what she said was that both children were not hers. I think reporting it to the manager would have been a good start. But if they were tumbling around right in front of me I might have tried to separate them if the moms didn't intervene. I probably would have gotten in trouble too.

yikes!


dunno. sometimes things happen quickly enough you don't even react. but other times you react before you think. But I have a tendency to say 'hey, stop that!' if I see something, so there ya go. At a playground I might just try to separate them if there was actual hitting and not just an argument.

[P-chan]

I do, for big stuff that I thnk most if not all parents would agree are not OK. Things such as throwing sand at other kids, jumping off a play structure near babies on the ground, and 14-year-olds playing too rough on the toddler play structure (when there was a big-kids structure just yards away). I've seen situations where a young toddler is getting squashed by other kids, and I'll find that child's parents (but not "tell" on the other ones).

I also don't "discipline" a lot of behaviors that I would in my own children--things such as climbing on the water table, throwing sand somewhere that doesn't directly affect someone, "playing mean," or calling names. I will try to redirect my kids away from these situations. Often, the parents are not around, or the children are being "supervised" by older siblings who aren't really supervising. Or I'll figure that in that family, climbing on the water table is OK.

In the situation the OP described--I would have done the same as the first mom (the one who said "It's not OK to hit"), and just let it go after that, probably leaving soon thereafter.

I cannot imagine a situation in which I'd punish a stranger's child.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by blessed

That's just wack. I would most definitely stop another child from hitting dd and would have no qualms using firm words or physically separating them if necessary.

After seeing that the boy's mother was so incompetent, I'd probably approach the manager of the facility and demand that the boy be removed. If it happened in a public playground where there wasn't that recourse, I'd probably just pack up dd and leave. That type of parent would be psycho enough to try to fist fight, or pull a weapon or something.

I have no problems saying something to an aggressive child. That said,
I agree with all of this--except I wouldn't do anything physical, unless you mean that by physically separating them you take just your child away without touching the other child. I wouldn't dare touch another child in any way--unless it was to save them from drowning or something--but you can end up in a lot of trouble doing something that you think is right if the parent is nuts and misinterprets your actions. I say this because I especially agree with the comment that that type of parent could be psycho enough, etc. I was at a baseball game once that ended up on CourtTV: a father didn't like the actions of one of the players and rushed onto the field and physically knocked down the preteen who blocked crazy man's son from reaching third base. It was absolutely scary and the worst part was that NO ONE in the stands (including me!) did anything about it--I think it was because we were all shocked, and I guess we also kept thinking that someone else would do something (plus, I was half this man's size). The umpire finally stepped in to stop the man. The boy that he pushed was injured, but not too badly, as I recall. I just remember the shock and the gasps and then I remember clearly thinking: woah--dude, it's a baseball game! What is wrong with you?? I may seem like a doom and gloom mom--but I live near a large city and lots of crazy people live here, too. LOL

[tiffer23]

Normally only if my child is being effected. I will remove my child and tell the offending child "Please don't hit!" (or whatever he/she is doing that is mean) in a slightly angry, or at least starling voice. Normally if they are being that ugly and their parent isn't saying something, a nice comment will not work.

Now, I will also say loud and close to the mother "Come on DS, let's go. We'll come back when the kids aren't being so rough."

[goodcents]

Yes I will intervene if their is violence going on. With my child, or another. Some parents don't see it (whether it be the offender's or the victim's parents). I am not mean, and I don't raise my voice, but I definilty let the kid know it is not okay.

[becoming]

Yes, I would, in the case of violence. I wouldn't yell, but I would say, "Please stop hitting, you're hurting him" or something along those lines.

There are other cases where I would "discipline" as well. For instance, we were playing at McDonald's recently. A small child (looked to be about 3) whose parents were ordering their food inside the restaurant (i.e., not watching the kid at all) somehow got around underneath the slide, where children aren't supposed to play at all. It had been raining, and there was a HUGE puddle of mud/water on the concrete under the slide that he began sloshing around in (in his socks!). I said, very gently, "Sweetie, I don't think your mama would want you playing under there." His mom eventually came out of the restaurant and yelled at him for being wet.

[Oka-san]

I’d probably say something to a child that was hitting my DD. It would be really hard not to, I think, although it hasn’t happened yet. I hope it never does, but I doubt I’d be able to stop myself from saying something to the other child.

I don’t know how far is too far, though. On the 4th of July I saw a woman literally chase a group of boys out of a public park because they were throwing gravel at each other. I’d noticed them throwing the gravel but didn’t pay all that much attention because I was focused on DD, but about 10 minutes later there was this big commotion and a lot of yelling that ended with the woman screaming "Get OUT and STAY out!" and I realized she’d chased the group of boys away. I don’t know, she obviously thought she was doing the right thing, but it was a public park and kids do throw gravel sometimes. It made me feel bad and I think she probably went too far. Maybe they’d hit her child with the gravel, or something, but it still seemed like an extreme reaction to me.

[littleaugustbaby]

Originally Posted by Oka-san

I don’t know how far is too far, though. On the 4th of July I saw a woman literally chase a group of boys out of a public park because they were throwing gravel at each other. I’d noticed them throwing the gravel but didn’t pay all that much attention because I was focused on DD, but about 10 minutes later there was this big commotion and a lot of yelling that ended with the woman screaming "Get OUT and STAY out!"

Yikes! I don't know all the circumstances, but I likely would have been chasing HER out if I had seen that!

[rainyday]

For a situation like you described, I'd definitely say something. If my child were doing the hitting, I would definitely want someone to say something! The other parent may get upset, but then, if they get upset over that, they're not the kind of parent whose opinion I'd much care about anyway.

Edited to add that at playground like that, I'd tell the manager if there were kids who were way out of line and endangering others. At a public playground I'd leave.

[BlueStateMama]

Twice. Once a group of big boys (8/9 yos ) were trying to barrel through a climbing slide (horizontal) that DD (not yet 2 at that point) was making her way through. I just said, "Hey, guys, please be careful, you're big kids and she's just a little one."

Another time I noticed a plus-sized preschooler wandering around and a group of older kids would wait until she was behind the slide (out of her care-giver's line of sight - I was on the other side) and they were calling her "Fatty!" and other names. I slidled up to them and in my strictest mommy voice (low growl) said, "Knock it off - that's mean." They scattered and ran.

[thismama]

If the kids' behaviour affects my child or me, and the parents do not correct them, I do. I think that is fine.

[mamazee]

If anyone hit my child, I'd say something. If it continued and it was someplace where they was a manager, I'd complain. Otherwise, we'd go to a different park.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by thismama

If the kids' behaviour affects my child or me, and the parents do not correct them, I do. I think that is fine.

: I will usually only say something if my child or anyone else's is in danger of getting hurt or the behavior is really obnoxious (swearing pre-teens, etc). Yesterday at the park a child about a year older than my ds and the other children he was playing with joined their game of "soccer" - they are 2 year olds - so they were throwing the ball around....This little boy tackled my son and one of the other little boys who is much smaller. The dad who was playing with them told he little boy no tackling, he did it again, this time pretty hard to my ds. At this point I said loudly "no tackling please Diego", he was ok for a play or two and then did it again. I know his father could see what was going on but did nothing...so I went and got him and told him he would need ot come over and supervise his son or he couldn't play with the other kids. This little boy was almost 4 to the other 2-2.5 year olds and was really tackling...in this instance I had no problem saying something.

[~PurityLake~]

I haven't yet read this thread, so I'm just responding to the title question.

On the fourth of july we were at a kids event. A girl who was aged about 6 years was spinning around a metal post. My daughter (2 yrs old) saw and wanted to join, she smiled at the girl, pointed at the post, and grabbed on opposite the girl and started spinning with her. The girl pushed Abigail on the ground, hard and yelled no, mine! I said to the girl, That was not nice to push her, she just wants to play with you. The mother overheard and came over. She apologized to me and told me her daughter knows better than to do that, took her daughter by the hand and walked her away telling her you know you should share and you shouldn't have pushed that little girl.

I didn't hear the rest, since they were walking away. This was near the end of the event, so folks were getting tired and losing their patience.

[eclipse]

It depends on the situation. If a child is being violent or mean and the other parents are nowhere to be seen or clearly ignoring what's going on, then I will say something to the child, as nicely as possible, or help my child stand up for themselves. If it's just something annoying, I wouldn't say anything.