my breastmilk is hurting him

[FireWithin]

I am feeling so sad, desperate and angry at myself. I need some support and info about breastfeeding.
I want to start by saying I know that breastfeeding is hugely important. I don't want to, or plan to stop nursing my baby. Infact, I really don't know how to parent with nursing.

That said, I think his allergies have been caused by my leaky gut. (I learned that I have a gluten intolerance, which could be a contributing factor to my leaky gut.) I've put him and the rest of my family into this crazy position of making food so complicated. When an allergen slips in by accident, DS is so miserable, and it is totally my fault.

On Saturday my DS1 (allergic to dairy, soy and beef) was served sherbert and not sorbet. DH tried it and said there was not dairy. Visually I could see the opaque milkiness. Out of frustration he suggested I try it. Trying to protect DS1, I gave a small lick, completely forgetting about DS2 needs. Once in my mouth I realized, and spit out as much as possible. DS2 has been miserable since.

If he was on formula, maybe he wouldn't have had so many allergies. (Tomato is our newest discovery, strawberries were realized during Easter, and citrus was figured out in January). It would have been easy to keep him away from all but the least allergenic foods. It is just so much more complicated when my body is involved.

That said, I know that formula is disgusting, and the kind I would have had to give him is foul.

Why is BM the better choice even under these circumstances?

[Caden's Mom]

Cause bm coats the gut so that allergens aren't as absorbed fully. Because of the immunological benefits. Because of the benefits of bonding with you.

I'm right there with you. I keep saying I should wean DS (17months) but I just cannot do it. I hate not being able to eat any of the foods I want to. DH ate biscuits and gravy at the restaurant this morning and it was so depressing watching him!

[tempestjewel]

Breastmilk does offer a lot of protection that often cannot be quanitified and still isn't fully understood. Seems like they are always making new discoveries on benefits of breastmilk, then they rush and try to add it to formula (I'm thinking DHA a few years back, and now they are adding probiotics).

I think its hard being the mama in the family when you are dealing with a lot of food issues- I often feel like my whole existence lately centers around food. What we can and cannot eat, and when someone gets something they shouldn't, I feel like I should have prevented it. But I am human and sometimes I make mistakes.

I read over and over again about how allergies tend to worsen when a child weans or severely cuts back on breastfeeding. In hindsight, my DD1 who is now miserably suffering, started her eczema and food issues at the same time I lost my milk supply while pg with DD2. Of course, it is impossible to know how much your body is protecting your DC until it no longer is.

Try to eat the best you can and take care of your own body so you can make the best milk you possibly can. And forgive yourself when slip-ups happen, because they happen to all of us.

[cat19]

Breastmilk isn't always best. For some kids, special formula (like Neocate) is a better choice--though very expensive. But only you can decide when and if that seems the right choice for your family.

If you haven't already, you might want to check out the forums at http://kidswithfoodallergies.org. They've been a lifeline for us, and have subforums on topics such as BFing with an allergic child and on kids on special formula, as well as the main forums and a recipe database. Main forum is free access; subforums are about 25$, with free (subsidized) memebrships available if you need one.

[FireWithin]

thank you for the feedback I know it is the best for us at this time. I think I just needed to hear it from someone other than my supportive husband. My inlaws, who do need to deal with the complexities of our allergies, asked my husband recently why don't I wean DS since he is 14 months old and eating well. It was a fair question. It has had me doubting myself.


cat19 - I will check out the website thanks

[Cosma]

I too know where you are mentally. I fully support breastfeeding. I breastfed my older daughter until she self weaned. With my son, during his infancy, I remember the hives, the vomiting and the excema that would never heal and his back being one red, scaly source of misery for him. I cut back drastically on my diet, too drastically though. I'm lightheaded and concentration is out the window. My mental well being was not in a good place.

The morning my son vomited blood after a feeding, I cracked. He was 13 months old. Out with my diet, out with the breastfeeding, opened up the Neocate.

Completely wrong way to go about it. I have to admit though, his skin healed beautifully within weeks. He was a happier baby. He has never vomited blood since. I was able to control his diet more easily.

Perhaps, if I kept breastfeeding him, in the long run it would have been a greater benefit for him. He is a highly allergic boy at two years and a half.
We live in the world of 'what-ifs'. We don't know what causes these allergies, we don't know what improves these allergies. It's a grand guessing game we have to muddle through by the best of our abilities.

But I share my story, not to dissuade you from what is your child's and your best interests. Just letting you know, I've been there, I went the formula route. I'm content with my decision.

[urmysunshyn]

so we know the following:

Breastmilk is beneficial to baby with allergies.

If you know the food allergies and can avoid them.

Going to formula could make baby worse or better. We can better control the food she ingests because the variables if moms diet is not a factor.


What testing can be requested? What questions should I ask of allergist/dermatologist?

It's so hard to see baby suffering from itchy, red, inflamed, swollen skin. It does get better and gets worse again, so many variables!

[motocita]

one thing i've discovered since choosing to continue breastfeeding a highly allergic child is that i'm allergic too. i never knew it until i started dieting and my chronic fatigue and chronic sinusitis lifted. also, now that we're at a pure place in terms of what we eat, i find that i too have eczema, very mildly. all of these things rob my body of energy and keep it in a state of disease. having allergies as a child is linked to so many diseases in later life.

my daughter is almost 3 and still breastfeeding. i never regret my decision. sure, in the beginning when her eczema was horrible, i wondered 'what if'. my family really questioned my decision, constantly. but now that we've got the diet down i feel that the breastfeeding has been very beneficial to her allergies. it soothes her stomach when something is not right.

when your child is younger, it may be easier to eat differently from them. but with a toddler, i think it would be harder. yeah, i could talk to my daughter about it, but ultimately it would not be the bonding experience it is now if we ate separate meals. when i tell her she can't have 'X' i model the right behavior by abstaining from it myself.

it's totally your decision and i would not judge another mother, knowing how very painful it is to watch your child suffer. it has been the hardest thing i've ever experienced. but i wanted to tell you all the thoughts that went through my mind, in case some of it might resonate with you.

[USAmma]

I am so sorry you are facing this. Please just be very very sure your baby can tolerate some kind of formula or fortified milk product (rice, soy) before you wean. My dd is 3 and tube-fed Neocate Jr (she won't drink it because it has an awful, awful taste) and let me tell you, it's very expensive even with insurance paying half. I am not sure in her case that she could have tolerated my milk since she has so many restrictions and I could not have had a balanced diet. At the time I was pumping and I quit pumping and put her on different formulas and she was just as bad if not worse on those. Finally we found out the extent of the problem and put her on the Neocate Jr. I guess what I'm saying is that formula isn't always the answer either.

[FireWithin]

motocita - good point about it being harder to eat differently than your toddler, compared to a baby. Our diet is so limited, that I had to work hard to keep it healthy and interesting for him and me. It feels good that we are a team, and I'm not just doing it for me.

I have also learned that I have a problem with gluten. DS2's allergies have taught me a lot about myself and food - a very positive learning experience, and losing experience (I've lost 60 lbs) Because of DS2, we figured out DS1 have a problem with dairy and soy.

I am definately not going to switch to formula. But, it was still good to hear all the reasons why BF is helping him.

[JaneS]

Well I can tell you we suffered with issues before weaning at 26 months... and I know my DS's issues were the result of my issues (antibiotics etc.) ... but everything got *worse* with weaning.

It only got better when he got allergy tested and went on a rotation diet with some foods totally out and some foods he tested positive to still in but on a 4 day basis. Also with extensive probiotics (bifidobacterium esp. really helped him). Were already doing HVCLO and digestive enzymes.

But I do regret weaning.

[vancouverlori]

The other thing to consider (if you can afford it) is putting mom on an elemental formula. There is a company (I think it's Alpha Nutrition - google that and see what comes up) that makes several different kinds of elemental formulas. You're guaranteed a balanced nutrient intake, your child still gets all the benefits of BM. Tastes like crap and smells even worse (the company recommends serving it warm in a container with a lid and straw). You might only need to do it for a couple of weeks until you can introduce some foods and find a balanced bunch of foods to which your DC doesn't react.

But I'm with you - it's hard. I'm not even BF'ing anymore and we're all on an elimination diet. Partly just because I can't even stand the thought of making a whole bunch of different meals. Partly as moral support and good example. When DS was 33 mos, I weaned a little earlier than I might have liked partly due to his food allergens. (I was tired of avoiding eggs and citrus - that's all! Can you imagine?)

hugs,
-Lori