opinions....

[sorteep]

my Dh and I (and DS 2 also!) are having this "discussion" about the new baby and rooming?? (DH is NOT I repeat NOT a family bed guy and that will NEVER chg..*sigh* so don't even go there.. thanks) anyway, baby will be in cosleeper for maybe 3-4 mos in our rm then what do you gusy think of baby sharing a rm with my 7 yr old?? do you think that is too much of an age gap?? we do have 4 bdrms but the 4th is DH's office and he does not want to give it up!! DS2's room is plenty big enough. DS2 WANTS baby to sleep in his rm but I don't know if he "gets" that could mean crying at night KWIM? just curious what opinions are here.. also does anyone think it *matters* if baby is boy/ girl?? I want a family bed but it won't happen.. 2nd to that I feel baby should have his/ her own "space" so as to feel "wanted" does that make sense?? or am I weird??

[LittleBrownDog]

My nephew who just turned one has been sleeping in his big brother's room (5 1/2) since he was about 3 months old, so when big brother was nearly 5. TBH, thought SIL was nuts- I didn't think it would work at all. And it's actually gone beautifully! She says a few times she'd hear (on the monitor) the baby wake up and big brother would stir just enough to tell him he was there, it was OK, and baby would go back to sleep! They didn't have a choice, there was nowhere else to put the baby if he didn't stay in their room (which just isn't their thing) and it's a two bedroom house. So it had to work, and it did! I think if big brother is up for it and is well-prepared for what it REALLY means, it can work well!

[melissakc]

Personally, I would be worried about both kids sleeping well but that's bc my DD has always been a very light sleeper so it's been an issue in our house.

We had to turn everything around for baby #2 just like we did for DD. I wanted to put them together in our biggest bedroom, but DH didn't think it was fair to do that so that he can have a media room and I can have a yoga room. So we've all had to give a little to make it work. We turned three rooms into two by putting the guest room and the office together and the media room and yoga room together. Maybe you could talk to your DH and suggest some ways to consolidate two rooms.

[Curlita]

My husband is not thrilled with moving our office into the downstairs family room because it will make it that much harder for him to sneak away and play Guild Wars. But I was pretty adamant that both kids have their own room... Dylan woke up at least once a night until he was almost one, and I don't want to have to try and get two kids back to sleep in the middle of the night.

If you can't have the family bed option that you want, can you suggest that he may need to compromise on the office? Is there another area that you can move some of the office functions to?

[dcgrl]

My sister has 6 kids in a 3 bedroom house (and she's letting a family of 5 live with them while they get on their feet--she's a saint, I tell you). They did a family bed for a while, and after it got too crowded, the kids shared two rooms. When the youngest was born, the oldest was 10, and they shared a room after about 10 months of rooming in with mom and dad.

I think wanting to share a room with his brother/sister is very sweet of your son, and I don't think it's necessary for each kid in a family to have his or her own space. You make your kids feel wanted by loving them, nurturing them, protecting them, etc., not by giving them a room.

[Momma Aimee]

even if DH is Not in to the family bed -- ie having teh child in your bed with you -- what about the crib in your room.

I would not care what gender the child the baby shared a rooms with ...

thinks to think about

1. what room is the baby going to move into when not a baby -- why start out sharing with one sib in teh crib, then redo everything to move the baby now a child into the other sibs room when they are "bigger".......if i was going to put the baby in with a sib i would put them were they are going to be.

2. i would not rush to put the baby in a room with any sib -- due to sleep issues. maybe all teh baby stuff shoud / could be int eh room they will someday be in (as above) and the baby crib and baby actually be elsewhere? I would worry about kids waking each other, babies crying, you going in and out with the baby, the older child getting up to go potty... and so on....byut i have a bad sleeper so maybe that effects my thinking. I know my DN share a bed -- double -- and DN2 moved in to it at 2 when DN1 was 4 and while the first week Sis was ready to scream.... it has been great since them. however i worry about the waking each other apssect with a new born......

3. is there anywehre else -- just for the crib... be it your room, a coverted BIG closet, or whaever.......or can rooms be combines -- office with dinning, office with guest....... or can the CRIB just go int eh office but none of the rest of the baby stuff.....

[Ackray]

I think it's too soon to decide or really talk about this. You are talking about something that isn't going to happen for another 6 months or more. Your 7 year old might change his mind completely about sharing a room with a baby once the baby is home.

I'd set up a nice cozy chair in my DH's office where HE can stay, and keep the baby in bed with me!

[Momma Aimee]

I think it's too soon to decide or really talk about this. You are talking about something that isn't going to happen for another 6 months or more. Your 7 year old might change his mind completely about sharing a room with a baby once the baby is home.

good point -- you might just want to wait and start evualtion when the baby is 2 or 3 months old -- based on personalities, sleep habits and all that stuff......

A

[Dee-Groovy]

Originally Posted by sorteep

I feel baby should have his/ her own "space" so as to feel "wanted" does that make sense??

No you're not weird - it's a common Western ideal that each child should have independence from a very young age. However it's an ideal that I personally disagree with. Babies are totally dependent for a short time (2 years?) before they begin asserting independence themselves. I don't think it's necessary to push independence on them by making them to sleep alone in a room. When the baby notices that s/he does not have his/her own space, s/he will either accept it as normal or ask for space, but that will probably not happen for several years. JMHO.

[chrysalis]

hmmm...well...this is a toughie for me as i am a family bed mama...megh shares the bed with us...and baby will too.

my only advice would be to keep baby in co-sleeper as long as possible...is 3-4 months what dh says? i personally think that even below one year is way too early to have a baby out of where mama is at night but if dh is absolutely insistant on baby being out by 3-4 mos. than maybe you could sleep w/ baby in another room? or he could sleep in his office? sorry, i just feel very strongly about this. is this a sex issue for dh? just wondering cuz if it is, having sex just in the bed is really boring...ok maybe i'm getting too frank and going over the line of where you wanted opinions... the only other thing i'd say is have baby w/ one of the older kids in case they try to pick baby up in the middle of the night...???

i'm so sorry dh is so adamant on baby being out of your bedroom...

[chrysalis]

hmmm...well...this is a toughie for me as i am a family bed mama...megh shares the bed with us...and baby will too.

my only advice would be to keep baby in co-sleeper as long as possible...is 3-4 months what dh says? i personally think that even below one year is way too early to have a baby out of where mama is at night but if dh is absolutely insistant on baby being out by 3-4 mos. than maybe you could sleep w/ baby in another room? or he could sleep in his office? sorry, i just feel very strongly about this. is this a sex issue for dh? just wondering cuz if it is, having sex just in the bed is really boring...ok maybe i'm getting too frank and going over the line of where you wanted opinions... the only other thing i'd say is have baby w/ one of the older kids in case they try to pick baby up in the middle of the night...???

i'm so sorry dh is so adamant on baby being out of your bedroom...can you give him some stuff to read maybe by other dad's or have him talk to a pro-family bed dad like scott noelle???

[Momma Aimee]

i'm so sorry dh is so adamant on baby being out of your bedroom...can you give him some stuff to read maybe by other dad's or have him talk to a pro-family bed dad like scott noelle???

point... does he want the baby out of the BED or out of the ROOM? diffent plans possible

A

[GinaRae]

I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet. Your husband has had a hard time adjusting and may later be up for putting baby in the office. also, baby may be a sleeper and/or sometimes kids don't even wake when baby does! There are so many variables.

Later, if this is a girl, your oldest may be out of the house by the time she feels she NEEDS privacy, so it may work beautifully.

[sorteep]

thank you guys, I was really looking for many opinions / thoughts and i knew I could count on you guys!! for the record

Dh has issues with family bed as well as baby being in room with us for several reasons but the biggest (by far) is that he has MAJOR insomnia/ sleep/ light sleeper issues so ANY movement/ sound from baby etc wakes him and he can't get back to sleep (for HOURS). Also there are some emotional issues here with his childhood since he was kept in a crib in his parents room until he was SIX, and it was a VERY bad relationship his mom/ dad had (I will spare details but trust me, it was ugly) so I am SURE he heard/ witnessed many many bad things as well as inappropraite things (for a kid that old..) soooooo he has probs with it (and I try hard to be understanding and he is WORKING hard on his issues and has made HUGE strides..)

Our comprimise is the cosleeper as long as poss then baby to whatever room he/ she will be in ultimately. If baby were to go in with DS2 then he/she would stay there until/ unless it was a prob

I agree we will have to see what kind of a sleeper we draw this time. Evan was a nightmare and screamed inconsolably every night all night for 2 yrs (I am NOT exaggerating... really) so one or both of us was up with him every night all night, walking, pacing, rocking, driving, in the basement you name it.. so, obviously , that would not wotk in rm with DS2

office/ potential baby's rm is not anywhere near big enough to double as anything, house has plenty of space for anotehr "office" space, fin basement and unused front rm (Dh is jsut being stubborn here.. he feels it isn't "right" to use a lv rm as an office and he does not like being stuck in the basement, he is kinda rigid in his ideas...)

In DH's defense, he is a great guy and totally supportive/ respectful of me, no vax, no circ, natural health all the way (and he was raised VERY medical..) and very extended BF supportive and baby wearing and AP parenting (except aforementioned family bed), as well his giving up his career to be a SAHD for 7 yrs with Evan and being an all around awesome and VERY involved, loving , affectionate, sensitive Dad (tough when autism is present, esp for dads..) Not to mention he stepped up to the plate and filled in as an amazing step-Dad to DS1 when we started dating and he was 4 yrs old.. so I felt the need to give a clearer pic of him! it is really just the sleeping issue thingy..

thanks again for all the great insight

[Kontessa]

I will say that my son moved in with DD (7) at 17 months. They love it. Yes there is a big age gap but they like sharing space and this lets them have a big play room for toys. Baby roomed in with us for a long time. New baby will co-sleep and then room with us for a long time as well and no idea where baby will go after that. Maybe in with the other two as the room is big enough and they will still have a play room. I think we are "Pack" animals so to speak and there is such great comfort in not being alone for sleep. At some point older DD will want her own room, but right now she doesn't. She is very "crunchy" herself. If it was up to her, she would share a bed with her baby brother even. I am just not ok with that though. LOL I understand the comfort in not sleeping all alone though. My little brother used to sneak into my room after the parents went to bed and sleep on my floor, specially if there was a storm as he knew I would be scared. LOL I will also add that my parents where horrible and did fight and mom finally left. Brother and I felt like all we had was eachother as we could not count on any one else. My daughter does not feel this way but feels very connected to her little brother. Some day they will want privacy and more space, for now, the "litter" wants to cuddle with one another and be close.

I would consider putting yours together if that is what they want.

Blessings,
Kimmy

[Isaac'sMa]

I don't think the age gap or (potential) gender difference will matter. I think it's normal to want the baby to be in it's own space when s/he moves out of your room, but that is a very cultural thing and maybe something to examine.

I think it's good for children to learn to share and be respectful of others and living in close proximity to a sibling is a great way to do it! If your 7 year old is excited about it, it will probably go well...and if it doesn't, well, cross that bridge when you get there! You could also re-do the room so that there are separate spaces in the same room since the room is large enough.

[yogamama74]

I wouldn't worry too much about this issue for awhile.

I worried about my boys having their own space when they were smaller. We lived in a VERY cramped place with only two bedrooms. I was so happy when we finally got a 3 bedroom house so my oldest could have his own room.

And guess what? They missed each other and sleeping in the same room, so I often find them camped out in each other's rooms for company!

Although, when my youngest was a baby, he was fussy and would scream and holler from his crib at night and wake his brothers, so I'd have to come and get him and lay him down with us.

But for the most part, they all enjoyed being in the same room, and still do.

[mittendrin]

Your dh sounds like a great guy and I understand why he's having issues with the family bed, it's just not for everyone.
But I have to be blunt: You say you have a 4 BR house and no room for the baby??? I'd move the guy out of his office in no time, sorry.

I don't think there's anything wrong with different genders in one kids room and the age gap might not seem to be an issue. But I pretty much suspect that your 7 yo wants baby in his room because NOW everything is exciting and new and he's proud to be a big bro soon and to him it''s like getting a new toy. But after a while he'll figure out that the baby has more needs than he can comprehend now. What if you have a baby that wakes up every hour, what if he gets disturbed constantly? I wouldn't think twice letting them share a room if they were older or if you only had very limited space. My boys share a room, but we started when they were 2 and 3 and they play with the same stuff, they're almost like twins. But you have 4 BR for 4 people. What's the question? :

[sorteep]

I think we have TONS of room in the house (much unused, front rm and finished basement) it is my husband that has issues with HOW rooms are used and he is reluctant to give up his "man space" (ie the 4th bdrm/ office)

The house we moved from 2 yrs ago was about 1100 sq feet and very small , we were cramped there, not here, it is more a mental issue with DH not an actual physical space issue (he has "issues" what can I say!) honestly, I think he is balking and roadblocking just because how he feels about having another baby NOT due to actual practical reasons.. this makes it MUCH more complicated..

I was just interested in unbiased opinions on kids rooming together with age gaps and poss gender issues (which I got lots of and am thankful!)

Dh is gettign a tiny bit better, I actually got him into a babies-R_us yesterday to look at infant car seats and bassinettes/ co sleepers and he even was researching infant seat safety ratings on the net!! this is a huge step towards acceptance for him! i was so happy.. also he asked me what "special soap" I wanted him to use to wash all the baby stuff my sis just gave us!! (he does the laundry) he's coming around!! slowly!

[GinaRae]

Originally Posted by sorteep

honestly, I think he is balking and roadblocking just because how he feels about having another baby NOT due to actual practical reasons.. this makes it MUCH more complicated..

That's exactly what I was getting at with my post. I think he will eventually be able to come thru. He sounds a lot like my hubby in some ways. Hubby is slowly coming around ... like taking me over speed bumps in a parking lot really bothers my stomach. He said, "Sorry baby! Both babies."

Little things like that tell me he's slowly coming around. I know he will be great when babe is born. Geez, I hope so! He's just not happy with the pregnancy and the worries... even though he was 50% of deciding on a 4th baby. He says his hand was forced.