Natural Birth Question and Help

[sandiegokristi]

Dh is very supportive of me having a natural childbirth is willing to help any way he can; however, he has a crazy busy schedule and not much time to dedicate to classes or more importantlly to practicing techinques. I will have a doula present with me at the birthing center as they are available for FREE to any women who wishes to have one. It was such a blessing last time around. Anyways, I am just not sure what to do or how to prepare myself for a natural birth under these circumstances...any advice or recommendations on what class might be best or how I can better prepare myself for labor? I really want to go natural and will have a birth tub available to me, but I was hoping to learn some techniques to practice that do not involve complete reliance on my husband. Thanks.

[GinaRae]

I know my hubby won't be very... useful... in labor. He just looked so horrified last time and doesn't quite know what to do. deer in the headlights kind of look

I am okay with that as I will have 1-2 midwives (two unless another woman is in labor) who I feel will be supportive. I may also have a friend or two available, one who was a massage therapist.

I haven't planned to take any classes. I'd love to study Hypnobirthing, but I don't know if time and finances will allow. I hope sometimes that I am not just being delusional, but I am so zen about labor and birth. I just think I'll know what to do and be able to do it, and if I have concerns, my MW's will help.

Do you get to meet the doulas before the birth or anything? I hope it works well again! I would love to have a doula, but we're not hiring one.

I wish I could give advice on classes. Sometimes I get frustrated when everyone says things like I am.. that they'll just know what to do (eye roll) and yet, here I am, saying and believing it.

Good luck!

[Googy]

We are starting Bradley classes in a few weeks BECAUSE my DH is so squeamish about the whole thing! I had to have a c-section with DD, and now he is terrified of me being in labor because it is new and different from what we had to do before. When we lost our angel I was very ill and almost bled out, so he has all these fear complexes that something terrible is going to happen to me. I made it through the c-section with DD, so that's what he's comfortable with. I decided the only way to get him "on board" was to educate and empower him a bit, so we signed up for Bradley, which is husband-coached childbirth! I think its going to be really really good for him. I think birth will be less scary and intimidating if her really knows a lot about what's happening and how he can help.

[GinaRae]

Oh, what I forgot to add was that I totally understand because hubby is also crazy busy with a full schedule. Between that and the kids, HOW we would coordinate a class, I don't know. It's not an excuse, it's plain reality.

But you know, I don't think I even WANT hubby more involved because I am afraid we will clash, you know? I don't want to get annoyed with him in labor, as who knows what kind of mood I will be in. I want him relaxed and supportive and there with strong hands, but without a bigger role he has to pull off.

[sandiegokristi]

Originally Posted by GinaRae

Do you get to meet the doulas before the birth or anything? I hope it works well again! I would love to have a doula, but we're not hiring one.

No we do not get to meet with the doulas ahead of time, but I am okay with that. Last time went great and I really loved the massage that they use and they all go through the same training, so I am thinking that every doula will help with the massage. It really kept me relaxed since I was on high pitocin and could not really move much in my bed. I have a cd of birthing affirmations and rainbow relaxation from hypobirthing and I think I will start to listen to those. I appreciate everyone's input. It helps to put me at ease. I trust my body knows what to do....I just like to have some techiques to make me feel more in control.

[LittleBrownDog]

I don't know how much help this will be, but one thing that really helped me was reading other people's (natural) birth stories. I think it was Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth that one half of the book was just birth stories. I loved reading what other people had done, and there were definitely times in labor where I thought, "Hey, I remember that one story, she was in this situation and she tried this..." etc. I just felt like it gave me more tools in my toolkit, kwim?

[LittleLlama]

I did absolutely no "preparing" for birth other than reading what actually happens and stories from online. I didn't even join MDC until Titus was already born.

The big things for DH were to just be prepared for some blood, the baby to be blue/purple for a minute when he comes out and for me to get a little out of my head. My DH (let me just brag about him for a sec ) was in fact so supportive of my decision to have a natural birth that while at the hospital, in the midst of transition, I turn to DH and tell him I want an epidural. He just strokes my hair, squeeses my hand and says "No you don't honey. You're doing so well, you're so strong." And that was that. I was so glad that he knew what I really wanted rather than giving in to what my mouth was telling him!

[melissakc]

I would read Birthing from Within. I'm not doing classes this time either bc the work I need to do is solitary. I love that book bc it's all about preparing yourself in your heart and soul. I just want DH there for support but I'm not relying on him bc he needs support too. That's what my doula is for!

[monocyte]

I'm also reading/doing exercises from birthing from within, with ds helping

I took a class first time around with ds, it was at the hospital, mw's recommended we do something, and dh really needed a bit of this is whats going to happen talk...and it was great, believe it or not...it was a yoga based natural childbirth class. Def picked up some pointers. I also worked with my acupuncturist on a relaxation tech that was similar to hypnobirthing.

This time around, I'd love to do a bfw class, hoping to start hypnobirthing, but Im worried about the time necessary to commit to it.

But, ITA with Gina, I think labor is inborn in mothers and with acceptance and a bit of knowledge about the process, most mothers (I would never say all...) can have the natural birth desired,(all this with emergencies put aside.)

IF you DH has time to read...there are a few great books out there! Birth Partner, birth partner handbook etc.

[Isaac'sMa]

I think I'm going to do hypnobirthing this time. From what I understand you can do it with a partner or by yourself. I think this would be ideal for the situation you're describing where you want the feeling of "control" even though it's a situation that really requires "letting go".

[Momma Aimee]

in the same boat

dh works loooong hours and is on call constantly.

While i DOUBT anyone will call him out when i am in labor .... he has a great office.... who knows where he will BE when it happnes and so the hours and calling out effect time to pratice and so on .....

also while he is a great lvong man...... unless the car breaks down on teh way to birth, he is not ganna be a lot of help he will be there, and do what i ask, and be totally moved by the new baby -- but uhhh proactivness, ideas, suggestions.... and so on are not gonna come from him -- now if you TELL him to start a shower for me, cool, but would he EVER think to suggst to me i get in a hot tub .. nope

I am listiening to the Hynobirthing relaxtion cd at least once a day, and sometimes twice. I will take that CD to the hsoptial with me and also on MP3 player ....

We are getting a doula who understands she is there for me, not really Scott and that she should feel free to say t him " hey go rub your wife's back" cuz he is not not doing it cuz he doesn't want to, he jsut will not think of it on his own.

I also have made a list for him of things he can do to help me -- Scott' Bith Cilff Notes -- in a binder ............... from the simple of keep my water bottle full of cold water, to the advacie of what things i think i will find it helpsul for him to say to me. I did this last time, made him some cheat sheets.... and used them . I photo copied the labor progress chart out of one of the sears books, a few important pages out of Birth Partner and so on ... DH doesn't have a lot of time to read whole books -- nor, honeslty, the desier, but he is well versed in useing reference materals to get what he needs -- he followed along int eh labor progress chart, and looked at the check-list and stuff like that whereas he would never read a book or a text. I add a copy of our birth plan == edited in color as to WHY -- I put what i put so he can see that too, and so he has a heads up if he has to discuss it with anyone too

[mittendrin]

Hypno birthing is is great, as long as you start practicing early. Just look around and try to find the method that seems to "click" with you, but I would decide soon.

My dh took the HB class with me, but as someone above said, he's useless for labor and birth. He can hold my leg, but other than that he's clueless, poor guy.
It's great that you'll have a doula for free. I had a doula at my last birth, she was a acquaintance more than a friend but having her there helped quite a bit.
What I find important in a doula tho, is that you have a connection with this woman. I am a private person and don't just let anybody be with me when I push the baby out. So a doula whom I've never met wouldn't be an option for me, she'd be to me like the nurse who admits me, kwim? A doula can be a great support person to replace your husband (whose roll as a support person will shrink a bit during labor if he doesn't know about the pain relief techniques you are using). Have you thought about hiring a doula to go to classes with you or someone who is going to be present at your birth, like family member or a close friend to come to classes with you and be your support for labor and delivery? You can take all the classes in the world and read tons of books on birthing methods, but when you are in full blown labor it can be really hard to remember what to do. Having someone there to remind you of certain breathing techniques, someone who connects with you and knows what your wishes and needs are is the best help!