Across country trip in September?

[Kontessa]

Little brother is getting married. Demands I go and bring DD so she can be a flower girl at a wedding we just learned about 2 months ago. This wedding is to take place mid September. Little brother picked this date (It was planned for next year when first we heard of it) after I told him when I am due. I told him we will really try to make it.

How possible do you think it is to drive across country From El Paso TX to Boston MA then with me being all pregnant and with a 8 year old and 18 month old? Remember, no DH or anything to help me. I really do not think I could handle a flight. What if the van breaks down. We have poor credit and so I do not think we could even rent a car at that point.... And I have two months to save for this trip now.... it will be at least 5 days to get there right? No one to help me with costs. Brother is begging all family for money (including me) to help pay for his wedding.

I feel just lost about this trip and the timing.

Blessings,
Kimmy

[mittendrin]

WOW, he's begging for money to get married? How 'bout saving some instead of picking this very inconvenient time. Sorry, I am blunt.
How important is it for you personally to show up? Cause you have the perfect excuse not to go if you don't want to.
Flying wouldn't be a problem, imo. I've flown to Germany alone with a toddler and being 8 months pregnant. But driving? If you do it, I think you are brave. I have never even made it from Southern NH to Baltimore to visit my sister because I seem to constantly have a nursing or throwing-tantrums-in-the-car child or the car is in no condition to drive longer that 2 hrs or I am pregnant. So if you can pull of this trip, then hats off! I think your brother sounds a bit selfish tho...:

[melissakc]

I wouldn't go even if my brother were being sweet and understanding about it, which yours isn't. I guess you can't expect him to understand since he's never been pregnant and doesn't have any kids (I'm assuming), but you don't have to do just bc he doesn't understand, KWIM?

I wouldn't go bc 1. the toll it would take on my back to sit in a car, pregnant, for DAYS, 2. the toll it would take on my psyche and my children to have them cooped up in a car for DAYS, 3. the cost, and 4. the wedding just came up.

I had DD 5 weeks early, so starting in September/October, I'm going to take it easy and say no to everything and everyone. My #1 job is to take care of myself and this baby and if people don't understand, that is their problem.

Good luck!

[IfMamaAintHappy]

Sorry to comment as IM not in your DDC, but its a subject Im familiar with.

Ive driven from NC to IL at 32 weeks several times by myself with one 2 yr old and then with 1 almost 5 and one 2 yr old. Id go. But Im flying from NC to CO for my brothers wedding when Im 33 weeks with all 3 kids (plus my husband this time, thankfully).
DVD player, lots of stops, favorite books and toys.

[monocyte]

eek. Thats quite a trip, even kidless. My sis and her so just did it tx-nj and wow. they looked beat.

But while pg with kids in tow? no, probably not a good thing. On the other hand...if you do go, I would most certainly meet up with you!!

Where is the wedding?

[wwisdomskr]

Umm...No. That's just too much, Kimmy. You need to get out of the car to stretch your legs at least every 2 hours...and, if you're only getting out that infrequently to pee, then you're probably not drinking enough. It's really easy to get dehydrated...imagine being out on the road, alone with your kids and going into preterm labor...

Imagine hauling the kids out of the car every 30-60 minutes so you can pee!

What if you get a flat tire? Do you have AAA? Now, I'm not doubting your ability to squat down on the side of the highway and do whatever needs to be done to your car...but, in your 3rd trimester?!

Tell little brother...and anyone else who gives you flack...that you will be happy to attend after you receive your 1st class flight tickets (you can compromise to business class ) in the mail...along with the funds for the nanny/mother's helper who will accompany you for the entire trip.

If they are bent on having you and dd there...then they need to postpone or get married in TX. Sounds like they need to postpone anyway in order to save some $...or as I tell couples I serve, focus only on preparing for their marriage and the main ingredients of a wedding: bride, groom, officiate and a couple of witnesses! Everything else is completely optional.

As pp said, your only responsibilities are to take care of yourself, your unborn baby and your children. Anyone who gives you grief about that needs to check themselves.

If they really can't handle you taking care of yourself, then tell them you asked your midwife and she said "sure, when pigs fly!"

[Momma Aimee]

I actually discussed something ike this wiht out OB -- Uowa to GA and Back in Spet.

his points were

1. driving is almost better than flying as you can stop when YOU want and rest as long as you want, talking lots of stops to pee, walk and move around.... he suggested leaving a day early and really drawing out the trip -- so you can stop like eavery 90 minutes for 30 minutes and so on -- walk a lot and strech and so on. don't push too hard, rest a lot, swim at the hotle / motel if you can -- even play in the water with your kid -- all good for the effects of sitting so long driving.

He suggest if we flew -- that we shoot for longer layovers -- more time to walk and strech the legs, and that i drink an obssissive amount of water.

2. my OB is fine with this travle -- in general -- and -- in a quote - normal - unquote pregancy. cuz the only real facotr is how you feel .... and the stuff to wrry about (swelling and so on ) can be effected by your behavior --- walk a lot, rest, drink water, so on.

and as he says "if worst case happnes, you ARE somehwere with a hosptial" -------------------OB used the example of me travling from IA KC -- about 4 hours -- very late in the pregancy as opposed to going wilderness camping in middle Utah at the same time, one ther eis care there if you need it the other is a less advisable trip as the care is not there in case of a emergency ------------ and you can get good emergency care there -- cuz if it is am emergency of any kind, emerengecy care is a lot differnt than chooseing a HCP you want to birth with or work with. YK.

all that being said -- about travle in general --- I just don't think in YOUR situation i would try it. I am tooo tired NOW to think about doing that alone in Spet Just me. I'd hate to miss the wedding, butttttttttt at some point you have to be reaslisti about YOU and your pregancy and your family and what is possible for YOU.......

Maybe a family memeber can borach with brother postponeing the wedding so they can save money for it, and so more of the family can attend....with more planning and svaing time?

I would not want to do it alone -- and I would not want to do it with the added $$ stress (plane tickets, car rental, worry abouit breaking down, cost of hotel, and so on) when $$ is such a stressor at the end of pregancy ANYWAY.

JMO

Aimee

[Curlita]

Oh, man. It never ceases to amaze me how relatives -- even ones who HAVE had kids -- can underestimate the challenges of traveling with children, whether in utero or ex utero.

I definitely wouldn't drive. Too much discomfort, and too many risks if you are not 100% certain of your car making it. If you can swing flying to the wedding, that would be a better option. Flying with kids is no picnic either, but at least you condense all the misery into a shorter period of time. And maybe you could prevail on another relative to meet you at the airport and help you out during the time you are there.

Overall, though, it is really unfortunate that your brother picked this particular time for the wedding, since he knew when you were due and (presumably) that they couldn't afford to throw the kind of wedding they are planning. If the planning is still in the fuzzy stages, I might exert gentle pressure to delay it.

And unless you and your daughter are REALLY enthused about going, I think that you are completely within your rights to gracefully decline and stay home. If you are asking someone to participate in your wedding, I think you owe them the courtesy of making sure it is somewhat feasible for them to attend.

Good luck!

[sorteep]

ummmm ..question ..do YOU (not family, brother , mother etc) really really WANT to attend (not, would I feel guilty if I did not attend..), if you do, in your heart of hearts strongly want to attend then where there is a will there is a way!! If you don't ,STAY home and send a nice card..


Can you borrow a more reliable car from a friend?? portable DVD player (s) for kids, lots of stretch/ pee breaks, plan ahead where you will overnight for economy, pack a cooler.. make sure your kids are OK with peeing roadside (hint, open BOTH doors on same side, away from traffic, in 4 door car and squat CLOSE to the car.. nobody can see you, really) carry LOTS of paper towels and wet wipes! make sure you have excellent directions and never let the tank go below 1/4 full.... make sure you have a charged cell phone and a cigarette lighter charger and get AAA (even if for only a month) if you don't already have it... good luck..

[mittendrin]

I do remember right, that you were the one who almost made a cross country move to help out your great grandmother, sister w boyfriend and who was supposed to give her her little brother money to get his license back? Please correct me, if my pregnant brain got it all wrong?
If I am right: Girl, don't take me wrong, but your family needs to back off and stop bugging the pregnant girl whose husband is busting his arse in Iraq. Stay put where you are, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and send your brother a nice card for his wedding...

What does your hubby have to say about all this?

[mittendrin]

PS: If you do take the trip to Boston, we're about an hour north. Come crash at my house if they are getting crazy, I mean it

[GinaRae]

Oh hells no! Sorry, but this sounds just ridiculous to expect you to be there, kids in tow, last minute, AND be expected to give money for the wedding. Sorry bro!

[scheelimama]

I wouldn't drive it. I am on a cross country trip now and probably doing even more driving than that (GA to MI, to NE, to KS, to OK, to AL, back to GA) but I'm not in my 3rd trimester yet and I'm not doing it all in one shot. I'm only driving 6-8 hours per day. And my back hurt like crazy and we had to stop to pee every 1 to 1.5 hours. It makes the trip really long with 2 little ones. And an 18 month old will probably scream most of the time, rather than watch the dvd player if she's a typical 18 mo. old. I don't think you'd save any money by driving vs. flying for that lengthy of a trip either.

Another thing I've struggled with on this trip is staying hydrated and doing too much. I've been rather crampy on several ocassions. I don't think I'd do this big of a trip again while pregnant and alone. It's just too much on your body. I would fly though in your situation. It's really not that hard and you only have to pay for you and dd1. With all the hotel rooms, gas, food, snacks, etc, that you'd pay for by driving 5 days there and 5 days back, you'd probably come out ahead money-wise by flying.

[Kontessa]

Yup, it is me, same demanding family cross country I choose to not move to already this pregnancy. -sigh- I think that is what makes this all harder. I have already let them down!

To add another piece to this puzzle, DD started Cheerleading this week and practice is 4 nights a week till December and I believe games start soon even on Saturdays. So while we where away, she would be missing lots. And she loves this, or else I would not bust my butt to go across town and out of the house so much.

So I am still not sure what to do. I have not talked to those family members in a while actually. Since the last time I made it clear I have no cash to give anyone right now, so much has come up and gone wrong. I am worried about us making it some days. LOL So help is not possible again right now.

I did talk to my Dad, who has also not talked to Brother or any other family putting this wedding together and he told me that my step-uncle got his wedding invite last week.... DANG IT!

And in case any of you want some drama.... My brother is a jail bird. He got out, ran from the law, met this lady ten years olders then he is who has a 10 year old child, and they fell in love. He turned himself in after just about getting caught anyway and she spent her life savings to keep him out of jail. So now they are getting married. They hardly know eachother! I love him and I think she is amazing though not sure how smart, BUT this seems crazy to me. Not to mention that from what I hear little brother is still breaking the law and going to bars to drink and yadda yadda while he is on probation and that is a no-no. Does he ever learn?

But I love him, and he is great with the kids and Crystal adores him and misses him and she really wants to be a part of his special day. Do I want to go home for this? I have not been home in forever and I think I do want to go but I am scared of all the what if's that could go wrong. I do know though that when my hubby gets home he wants a trip out there and even with new baby that has to nurse all the time that it will be a much better trip with hubby next March.

-sigh-

Blessings,
Kimmy

[Momma Aimee]

kimmie

i KNWO they are family

but

toooooooo much drama for ME

I'd stay home.

yep -- it might cause more drama -- but you won't be there, and you can hang up a phone

Sorry -- i do not have the emotional enegey to spare for that kinda of drama

i think you should be very careful

A

[Curlita]

Oy vay. The cynic in me says, give it some time and you can attend his next wedding. :

[Kontessa]

Originally Posted by Curlita

Oy vay. The cynic in me says, give it some time and you can attend his next wedding. :

LMAO a few are thinking this too.... poor brother.

[Kontessa]

Ok so Hubby called and I talked to him on the phone about it. He can understand all the guilt and family issues as he puts up with it too. LOL he does not think it is a good idea to go. His words "Sweety you can not go shopping for more then two hours without feeling dizzy and sick and having to sit on the floor, going across country is not a good idea!" And he has a point, though I could pull over when not feeling well. Still.....

So hubby is going to call my Dad in a few days and talk to him about it all. After all, Dad is the one that said not to move near there and stay away from family drama. LOL We shall see.

Thank you mamas for all the advice. Sometimes I really just can not think.

[Curlita]

Sometimes you have to spew it all out and dissect it before it makes sense. Hope you're feeling calmer!

[tiffanymm]

I'm glad that you are leaning toward not going. I just got back from visiting family and they are only 4 hours away. I was the only one that drove and my back was killing me by the end.