Co-Sleeping Illegal? - Page 2

[ulla]

Maybe the woman was familiar with the rules quoted above for foster care and mistakenly thought it applied to all families. So she's mistaken, that's not a biggy in my book. In any event, since your daughter will not be ready for overnight visits for quite some time yet, it is really not worth getting worked up about now.

As time goes by, your ex and his partner will develop a parenting style that works for both girls. It is in your daughter's best interests to accept that you will have limited or no input as to how your ex and his partner want to structure their family life. The important thing is that your daughter will be loved wherever she is.

Originally Posted by sjccheerdoll

Although I would HOPE that your x isn't as ignorant as to let the gf hop in bed with him AND the DD at the same time, although that's just IMO that it might be traumatizing.

I don't follow this line of reasoning at all. I don't see how if would be traumatic if the child already has a close and trusted relationship with the ex's partner. We are not talking about a random stranger or one night stand here. Many a mother co-sleeps with her child and also shares the bed with her partner who is not the biological father of the child. The situation will not be any different when the father co-sleeps with his child and also shares the bed with his partner who is not the biological mother of the child. It's also the normal situation for gay couples and adoptive parents that one or both of the co-sleeping parents are not the biological parent of the child. Those children are not traumatized.

[rametteperegrine]

Originally Posted by ulla

I don't follow this line of reasoning at all. I don't see how if would be traumatic if the child already has a close and trusted relationship with the ex's partner. We are not talking about a random stranger or one night stand here. Many a mother co-sleeps with her child and also shares the bed with her partner who is not the biological father of the child. The situation will not be any different when the father co-sleeps with his child and also shares the bed with his partner who is not the biological mother of the child. It's also the normal situation for gay couples and adoptive parents that one or both of the co-sleeping parents are not the biological parent of the child. Those children are not traumatized.

I believe this may have been a ref. to...ehem...baby dancing with the child in the bed with them. At least that's how I saw it.

[Novella]

Acknowledging that there are differences in provincial law, I can tell you that co-sleeping is not illegal in Manitoba.

It was in the news here a couple of months ago b/c a University of Manitoba study was released, suggesting that it is dangerous. (From the media accounts I read, though, it seemed to be a survey of parents who thought it was dangerous. You know, like all the new parents checking baby's breath with a mirror during a nap, b/c they thought he/she might not be breathing anymore. The study seemed to be a little thin on evidence).

There certainly wouldn't have been outspoken proponents of co-sleeping interviewed in our newspapers if it was illegal. Nevermind that the study likely wouldn't have been conducted.

[bigeyes]

It sounds like you and your ex have a good coparenting relationship. Maybe her pushy attitude will make her an ex soon and this will blow over. (I hope)



This has got to be really frustrating.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

I've come to learn that CPS (Child Protective Services) in the US is far more scary than CAS (Children's Aid Society) here in Canada. Once, when my DS was about a year and a bit old, I was going through a very stressful time, and I called CAS for resources because I needed them. They came out and talked to me and helped me get set up with visits from the public health nurses here (whom are also wonderful). In my experience, if you ask for help here, you get it..[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

I'm glad to hear that. But is it true that in Canada, if a CAS worker shows up at your house, you have to let them in?

Here in the U.S., you don't have to let anyone into your home without a search warrant, and it's also your right to obtain a lawyer and have the lawyer present for all interactions (also, once you have a lawyer CPS can't contact you directly, it all has to go through the lawyer).

Of course, maybe we wouldn't feel a need for these protections if our CPS was more like your CAS. Still, I have to say that it would bug me that they had a right to come into my home, without even having to go before a judge to get a search warrant.

[Blu Razzberri]

I'm not sure if they need a warrant or not. I've never had a visit from someone else calling to report me. But I do get the feeling that you have much more to fear from the CPS there than you do of CAS here. CAS seems to be more geared towards helping families, where as CPS seems to be taking kids for profit.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if I lived in the US, based on what I know about CPS; I'd be scared all the time. Here, I'm more scared for the kids that they give back to neglectful abusive parents. It seems to be polar opposites. I wish there was just a happy medium. The concept is so simple yet so complicated: protect kids.

[Liam's Mum]

Originally Posted by blissful_maia

Here in Ontario it's not illegal, and in fact safe co-sleeping is promoted/encouraged.

Yes, when I had DS I was too scared to put him in the hospital bed with me but the nurses actively encouraged it.

Though I know it's not like that at all hospitals, I don't think these nurses would have encouraged something illegal

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

I'm not sure if they need a warrant or not. I've never had a visit from someone else calling to report me.(

I've never had a visit either. But according to my friends who've had visits, the social workers don't inform parents of their rights, and will often really pressure parents to let them in.

It's something the parent has to know and speak up about: they don't have to let anyone in without a warrant, they don't have to answer questions without a lawyer, they don't have to sign anything, and they don't have to allow anyone access to their children (without a court order -- again, not likely to happen without strong indication that a child's in danger).

So, I don't know, I wouldn't just wait and see what a social worker tells me about my rights if I get called in and there's a knock on my door. I'm glad CAS in Canada is more helpful to families, and less intrusive than our CPS. But wherever I'm living, it makes sense to obtain the knowledge beforehand, just as we gain knowledge about how to deal with a fire.

We don't feel we've wasted time if we prepared for fire, but never had one. I see knowing my rights as a similar thing.

I actually don't think Americans need to live in fear, though. A lot of the horror stories (where parents aren't guilty of anything but end up with ongoing intervention) happen because parents don't know their rights, let the social worker in without a warrant, and sign papers, such as care plans, that open the door for the workers to keep coming back.

Knowledge and assertiveness are often the only weapons we need to protect our freedom. Especially for Attachment Parents who do some things outside the "norm." Knowing we don't have to subject ourselves to an investigation without a warrant, means we don't have to lay out our lifestyle choices and sleeping arrangements to just anyone who happens to knock on the door.