Anyone going nutty this summer? My oldest is bipolar, so it's even worse

[GinaRae]

Cross-posted with special needs. Not sure where to post this

I'm going nutty over here this summer. Anyone else out there?

My son has no where to go to blow off steam and I am going to lose my ever-lovin' mind! Last year he had a place to go every day for several hours. He's diagnosed bipolar, so things are tougher than your regular pre-teen it seems.

Between the three kids, I want to crawl under a rock. I know a lot of it is the pregnancy, but I am feeling so overwhelmed this summer.

I can't seem to get them to settle down, stop fighting, etc.. and due to my being so hands off with Hyperemesis for several months, my oldest (soon to be 12) has really amped up his defiance and obnoxious behavior. All of them have! But he's yelling at me constantly and I am yelling back. I cannot take much more.

I can feel my blood pressure rising I think.. as the day goes on. My stomach muscles will hurt from yelling even. I can't get them to stop this full on wrestling stuff! And I am limited (now even more) from going to parks because:

A) I need a bathroom nearby
B) They fight at the park in front of other moms who then keep their kids from mine!
C) I now have no car until at least next month
D) It's hot and I am SO sensitive to the heat with this pregnancy

I know that DS1's bipolar disorder causes much of the fighting.. He has extreme reactions to everything. But since i got preggers, it's so much worse. He has no time away now, and they got in this rutt of fighting while I was sick. I have not enough energy to be in the middle of it all physically and so I end up in these yelling matches. Our usual discipline isn't working as well and I am so worn out by this.

I feel so stressed by them when I just want to be so zen! They keep breaking the tiniest to the largest of rules and doing SO many things they're not supposed to! I don't get it!

[pranamama]

good luck, hope you get some good advice! My kids get touchy when it's really hot, going swimming helps.

[Susie1]

Do you live in a place where your 12 year old can get out of the house by himself everyday? Maybe letting him go to the park by himself would be better than going with him and watching all of the stuff that gets on your nerves. Let him figure a few things out on his own. I mean, unless it is totally an unsafe idea.

I think time outside of the house during summer, and some time away from the family can be a good way for preteens to blow off steam. Does he have friends? How about family out of state that he can go be with for a week or two, just to break things up? Any classes at the rec that interest him?

ETA:

Does he like to bike or skateboard? If he is interested in being more active, go buy him some rollerblades or a skateboard and drop him off at a skate park for a couple of hours a day. He might make some new friends that way as well.

[UUMom]

Are there no camp options at all?

My young teens are doing some tennis and archery stuff, plus a coupleof weeks of regular camp. They love it, and they want it. There are hundreds of hours without anything but chilling at home with each other, but the gently organized things are very nice diversions.

[BelovedK]

I also have a 12 yo boy with bipolar disorder. There are many docs that refuse to pay attention to the updated data that it can be Dx in children. Unfortunately many of them get drugged for add, or adhd :

I don't want to share all of my details here, but suffice it to say that we've had a rough go of it. You have my empathy.

I'm still trying to figure out what bp kids need, one thing i can say for sure though is that they don't need power struggles. I have been wrestling with this problem/dilemna for the last few years and in the process, tried to set up a sturdy 'structure' and it backfired I've tried the relaxed approach and it seems to help him more... You want to help him avoin blowups, or reduce situations that trigger them.

It is hard parenting a bp child, have you read The Explosive Child? that book was a big help.

If you want to pm me directly, i will be happy to share more of the private parts of our story. I've also posted in the Special Needs forum and if you search my username with bipolar in that forum, you will probably come up with some of my info.

Good luck, I wish I had more to offer, it's hard.

[GinaRae]

Originally Posted by Susie1

Do you live in a place where your 12 year old can get out of the house by himself everyday? Let him figure a few things out on his own. I mean, unless it is totally an unsafe idea.... Does he have friends? How about family out of state that he can go be with for a week or two, just to break things up? Any classes at the rec that interest him?... drop him off at a skate park for a couple of hours a day. He might make some new friends that way as well.

Originally Posted by UUMom

Are there no camp options at all?

Camps and rec stuff are great! But of course now that we're pregnant, Murphey's Law comes in and everything that could go wrong DOES go wrong! At least $500 a month has dried up and that was my play money. My van just blew up and we won't have a new vehicle for me until mid-august. You know, Murphey's Law! So, no transportation and not much play money.

Usually DS is in sports (he is bowling once a week, but that;s it right now) and/or programs and camps. The Boys and Girl's Club was a great thing last yearm but he's just not doing well there now and we've said he doesn't have to go back. The kids there are harder around the edges and they know he's an easy mark.

And no matter how much time he is in something, he doesn't just "figure it out" like some kids. Instead, he stresses and gets into battles of will or actual fights, etc.. And when he comes home, to his safe zone, he explodes. That's a typical bp trait.

Making friends for a bipolar child isn't as easy as it sounds. He either overwhelms them OR he gets angry and paranoid and things go south. either way, it's hard on the other kids and hard on us when my son is stressed over it. He throws off enough "I'm different" vibes, so even making friends is hard to do. Also, I need to be in his business and be sure friends are supportive and not taking advantage of him.

He does go to the next road over and play basketball or ride bikes with a neighbor. He can also ride in the neighborhood sometimes. But absolutely not can I let him be dropped off at a park somewhere. There are way too many dangers for ANY kid these days.

Likewise, he wouldn't know what to do if someone older (like a teen) were to approach him in a threatening manner. He tends to stare at people who intimidate him and it gets negative responses... teens will yell "boo" or something mean and some approach him threateningly.

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I'm still trying to figure out what bp kids need, one thing i can say for sure though is that they don't need power struggles. I have been wrestling with this problem/dilemna for the last few years and in the process, tried to set up a sturdy 'structure' and it backfired I've tried the relaxed approach and it seems to help him more...

...have you read The Explosive Child? that book was a big help.

Consistency and structure, but in a calm manner, were what's helped my son in the past. Unfortunately CALM has flown out the window, and that's my own reaction to stressors. I have also been feeding off my hubby's high stress and he off mine, so it's a domino effect.

DS's reaching the pre-teen mouthy stages and hormones, so that just makes my job all that much harder. It's hard for me to weed out what's normal and what's got to be addressed for the bp child, you know?

I did read that book at one point and just need to pull out all my bp books to find some foundation again.