Anyone with older kids going nutty this summer?

[GinaRae]

Cross-posted with special needs and pre-teens. Not sure where to post this

I'm going nutty over here this summer. Anyone else out there?

My son has no where to go to blow off steam and I am going to lose my ever-lovin' mind! Last year he had a place to go every day for several hours. He's diagnosed bipolar, so things are tougher than your regular pre-teen it seems.

Between the three kids, I want to crawl under a rock. I know a lot of it is the pregnancy, but I am feeling so overwhelmed this summer.

I can't seem to get them to settle down, stop fighting, etc.. and due to my being so hands off with Hyperemesis for several months, my oldest (soon to be 12) has really amped up his defiance and obnoxious behavior. All of them have! But he's yelling at me constantly and I am yelling back. I cannot take much more.

I can feel my BP rising I think.. as the day goes on. My stomach muscles will hurt from yelling even. I can't get them to stop this full on wrestling stuff! And I am limited (now even more) from going to parks because:

A) I need a bathroom nearby
B) They fight at the park in front of other moms who then keep their kids from mine!
C) I now have no car
D) It's hot and I am SO sensitive to the heat with this pregnancy

I know that DS1's bipolar disorder causes much of the fighting.. He has extreme reactions to everything. But since i got preggers, it's so much worse. He has no time away now, and they got in this rutt of fighting while I was sick. I have not enough energy to be in the middle of it all physically and so I end up in these yelling matches. Our usual discipline isn't working as well and I am so worn out by this.

I feel so stressed by them when I just want to be so zen! They keep breaking the tiniest to the largest of rules and doing SO many things they're not supposed to! I don't get it!

[sorteep]

GinaRae,
this is prob not the "advice" you were after but (you know me!!) here goes.. the first two things I would try (if at all poss) are Feingold Diet stage one (mostly on oldest but, it is easier to do whole house,,) and if $$ allow a really really good classic homeopath who works a lot with kids.....

After that (if you have any sanity or energy left..) I might dig into other food allergy issues depending on how the first two go.. starting with gluten and casein and going from there.. essential fatty acid imbalance/ deficiency is also a huge player in bi-polar...

it is SO tough raising kids, let alone preteens/ teens let alone ones with metabolic/ spectrum issues.. many many hugs to you

[GinaRae]

Laura, thanks I SO know all of that. We're working on it.

But I need some help today. I need to know why my children have all gone ape $%&! this summer suddenly. Why they are all refusing to listen or behave. I realize it's my fault with the pregnancy.. they basically did what they wanted for several months and now it's summer and they need more activities and I can't supply them. *sigh*

[sorteep]

I figured you did , but, you know me, can't keep the PSA's to myself!!

soooo, they have been running free and are not taking kindly to the reins being tightened again!! I guess just stick to your guns and whatever discipline stuff was working before PG and hyperE and eventually they will come back around??? sorry, not much else here.. do you have any local programs run thru your township parks and rec dept they are usually really cheap and keep them busy in the summer>> ?? don't know where you are but we have great township parks programs here for as little as 5$ a week.. also Evan did a totally free church summer camp program that kept him very busy for a week (not all day but three to four hrs at a time is nice too..) just some thoughts..

[sorteep]

other thoughts, you oldest is prob old enough to volunteer to help at places.. (I know no car.. but maybe??) like nursing homes, SPCA's, even neighbors who need a mothers helper while they are there, or dog walkers during the day (if he volunteers to do it free you would have takers and it would keep him busy plus help others) maybe odd jobs/ clean up for elderly neighbors or even an elder companion to read to or play cards with.. our neighborhood assoc has lists of elderly looking for a hand here and there for volunteers... I dunno, just throwing thoughts out there..

[GinaRae]

Good thoughts. I need to work harder on getting the big boy out of the house, that's for sure. I always feel like a failure because I fully think you should learn how to live together, but living with him day in and day out is very draining.

I'm looking at the local rec programs and of course, ours are much more expensive. Still cheap, but more than $5 a week, that's for sure. I hate complaining about money. We're one of those families whose tax records say we should have NO financial problems, but the reality is much different!

The best price was the Boys and Girl's Club, but they are no longer an option. He doesn't do well emotionally there with the rougher kids who know he's an easy mark.

He would be so good as a volunteer! Great idea. He likes to work hard. It may not last long (a week or so) but it's worth a try. There's a local educational ranch that might take him on to work with the animals, but I don't know. The car thing is the problem with that. And my worry that he's still young enough to be taken advantage of by a pedophile. I'd have to scope it out and check in on him to feel comfy.

Thinking..thinking...

[GinaRae]

More thoughts...

What's worse is I was talking to hubby to vent and instead of being supportive he started the whole...we have a dysfunctional family (hardly!) and can't control the kids (okay, it's not THAT bad) and yet YOU want more kids, blah blah, blah.

Gee, thanks hon.

YES I am having some problems this summer and all parents do sometimes! But we are not dysfunctional! Not enough problems to make THAT statement, you know? We eat well, aren't drinkers, don't hurt the kids, pick out good schools, take an active role in their upbringing and emotional wellness...

I think our boys have it pretty good compared to others and we're repeatedly told what nice, well-behaved boys we have by others. That says something right there when neighbors and other parents go out of their way to make those remarks.

I am really grumpy about this!!

[sorteep]

OH dear, sorry DH "had a moment" on you... (sounds like mine...) I come home crying after a 12 hr day and 42 patients and he says "yesh, and what are you gonna do with ANOTHER one???" like, ummmm, thanks,, just wanted a little sympathy??? Oh dear.. sorry.... my conclusion (and I talk to LOTS of folks across many walks of life) dysfunctional is the new normal.... all families have always been "dysfunctional" they jsut pretend to be "normal" on the surface in public!!!! really.... soooooo you guys are FINE.. really, better than fine actually..... hang in there..

[sorteep]

what about boy scouts (I know the pedophile thing, but just have to screen and trust gut there..KWIM?) and maybe carpooling?? still thinking..

[GinaRae]

I was looking at Boyscouts but don't think it fits his personality and they require a TON of active participation from parents in our area. I was shocked by how much. I always have to be careful when scheduling things like that because I have to leave room for the other boys.

There's a swim team that my middle son wants to be on and it's not only so expensive, it requires a lot of practices a week and lots of parental participation. I'd love for him to be in it, but MAN that would be hard!