Separation anxiety of a different sort...

[Mariposa]

Abby will be a year next week. The day after she turns one, I go back to school part time. I have really been struggling with this decision. I need to finish up, especially since I already have to take another class since I took a break and the requirements changed. I got pregnant in the first semester of nursing school and have 2 semesters left. I will graduate in June of 2004 and finally be done with school for now.

Anyway, school is on Fridays and Saturdays, basically from 7a-3:30p. My friend or her babysitter will be watching Abby and she will have a 16 month old to play with all day. There are 43 weeks of school not including the breaks. Those are actual weeks I will be away from her for 2 days. DH can't watch her since he works 6 days a week and is only off on Sundays.

Funny thing is, I know Abby will probably be fine. She has never gone through separation anxiety, has always easily gone to strangers arms, etc. She occasionally looks for me when we are at work (I work 8 hours a week or so at a breastfeeding store where I can take Abby), but seems content playing alone or with other kids and wanders about the store happily till she is hungry or tired. I do worry that she will miss breastfeeding, but she takes expressed breastmilk easily from her straw cup and I will be pumping while we are away so she can have breastmilk while I am at school.

Any ideas on how to get through those first days? I keep feeling guilty for leaving her at all. We have only been separated a total of about 12 hours since she was born. I just don't know how I am going to do it. I know I will be worried constantly. I trust the people she will be with, but it just isn't the same as if I am there. Am I being irrational or is this normal separation anxiety in an attached mommy?

A non-AP friend I have said something to me like "You're the one who doesn't want to separate from her, she will probably be like finally I am away from my mom for awhile". I was a bit offended, but this is the same person who told me breastfeeding was gross as I had my baby in the sling nursing...and also is always asking when I am going to stop breastfeeding Abby. I always say when she wants to and it doesn't seem like she is interested in stopping anytime soon...

Sorry I have rambled and probably not made any sense. DH is totally supportive and sometimes I wish he wasn't so I would have an excuse not to go. Then again, I am a little excited about going back and finishing and feel guilty about that too. Someone tell me I am not nuts...

Pepper

[lilylove]

I am the same way about my dd, I hate leaving her for any time longer then a couple hours here or there. I don't think your being irrational, I think you sound like a loving parent.
Do you own a cell phone? If not maybe you could borrow one. That way for the first couple days you could call and check on her and they could call you if there is a problem. That is what I usually do( even if it is my own mother babysitting :LOL)
I have a friend who sounds a bit like your friend. I try very hard not to discuss any parental topics with her. We just have different views. Any way good luck

[village idiot]

I don't think you're nuts! I agree that you sound very loving. I would also have a very hard time leaving dd but would also be excited to be in school again. Just letting you know that I would feel the same way! Good luck to you!

[Mariposa]

lilylove,

yes, i have a cellphone. i am sure i will be calling at every break i get and if we don't get one soon enough, i will just get up to go the bathroom!! i guess it will just take time to get used to it, though i doubt i will ever be truly used to it, i am sure i will be worrying about her for the rest of my life...

katelyan,

thanks for letting me know i am not being a nut. it is just that i have several friends who work full time and they seem to be just fine. i never hear them say they miss their dd or ds and i just can't imagine it. maybe since they have been working since they were like 2 months old they are just totally used to it... who knows.

i have to take a CPR class on saturday so it will be a little trial separation for about 4 hours. i hope we both get through it...

[bluedotsmom]

mama2abby...hugs and congrats for entering the world of nursing. it's in need of women like you!!!

I worked full-time (at least 10 hr days and some overnight travel) with dd1 and dd2. back to work at 10 weeks. pumped for both of them. my dh was a great sahd.


you know what? I never, never, never, never got used to leaving them at home. it sort of got better, but not easier, if that makes any sense!

the dd's are 4&5 yrs old now (and I've been a sahm for 7 mos sinc ds was born) and when they leave me to go play with friends or to their class at church, I still can get that little pang!

you are normal for not wanting to leave your baby. yes, she'll be fine and you'll make it through. just remember to give yourself some slack about housework and other non-essential stuff when you start back to school. time with babe and dh is most important.

good luck with school

[Crunchier]

I'm in a similar situation. I will be going back to school full time when Ben is 8 months old. We will also be moving from Nevada to Louisiana, and staying with the in-laws till we get settled. I will be going to school for about 5-7 hrs a day, MWF. I've been out of school for 6 years. Dh will be taking care of Ben, and the grandparents will be there to help out, but I still feel like no one else will be able to care for him properly. I know that isn't true, but I still feel it. I feel guilty about the upheaval in all our lives, but i know this has to be done. I'm also worried that Ben will have a nursing strike, and DH and his family are not really into bf. I'm just hoping that all goes smoothly.

[kerc]

it is hard to leave your little one. I am a full time grad student -- I'm getting my phd. I leave my little one with a daycare for 20 hrs a week and with my dh (alone that is) for 8 hours a week. I struggle to be apart. But ritht now it is what is right for our family. I remind myself of that when it is tough -- I need a mental break from being a mom and I need to know that there is a part of me that is successful independent of anyone else, including my family.

I have a little ritual we do before I leave dd at daycare, and I pick her up at noon every day and then spend the afternoon just cuddling and napping. Of course she is 8 months and just beginning to get active, but probably there is something similar you could do with a little bit older one.

Also...remind yourself that other people CAN be good for your dd. That it will help her to learn to accept other ways of doing things and you might even get some good ideas from your babysitter as to fun things she likes to do thatyou hadn't thought of/tried.