Home and Birth Center Birthing Mommas

[Momma2DoubleCuties]

Will your kids be there with you?

I guess hospital births could be included in this too, depending on the hospital, our hospital my first 2 were born at has strict rules about children being in the l&d rooms while the baby is being born. I have no clue why though. Stupid rule if you ask me.

[mothragirl]

yep!

[Momma2DoubleCuties]

This was one of the big reasons that I wanted to have a homebirth was so my 5 yr old could experience the birth as well. I'm really excited to have him involved, my 2 yr old I'm a bit concerned about cause he is a big time mommas boy and may be upset to see me in pain and making noise. But I'm hoping for both of the boys and dh to join me in the birthing tub once the baby is born, but before the placenta arrives.

We bought I think its called "We come with love" and got it in the mail yesterday and have read it numerous times already. My 5 yr old is so into birth he's going to be a wonderful father when his time comes. Whenever we watch a birthing show he gets "grossed out" by the blood but still is glue to the tv/computer.

[AGlimmeringHope]

My 2 year old LOVES watching House of babies with me. When they show the head born she RUNS to the TV and tries to HUG the baby yelling "day-dee, day-dee, mama, day-dee" and pointing at the baby. Once they're born she says "hi day-dee" and kisses the baby on the TV. So if she wants to be there, she can. If it gets scary my parents will come get her with no problem.

[wife&mommy]

Yup!

[Artichokie]

This is my first, and hence I have no kidlets to watch, but I wanted to chime in anyway.

I was in the room when my mom gave birth to my two siblings. With sister #1, I was 5 years old, and with sister #2, I was 11. I have a few comments for those considering doing this with their kids:

1. It was one of the best things my mom and dad did for me. As I approach my own child's birth (EDD 12/07), I have no fear of labor. That childbirth is a natural, positive process has been ingrained on my mind since I was very young (I am in my 30s).

2. For my second sister's birth, my little sister #1 was four years old. The experience was very traumatic for her at the time. She was a very sensitive little girl, and the sight of blood and the strange sounds my mom was making made my sister inconsolable. If I had not been there to take her out of the room, I'm not sure what my parents would have done with her. To this day, I'm not sure they understand how upset she was, since they had other things on their mind (obviously). She still talks about how horrible it was, and when she had her second child, she kept child #1 away. I only point this out to make sure you plan what you are going to do with a child who becomes very, very upset. My parents thought they had prepared her for the experience. An extra adult (or teen) on hand to help the children understand what is happening is crucial, I think.

3. After the birth, there were presents for me, and for my DS#2 birth, my DS#1. We each got a doll, so that we could parent right along with our mom and dad.

I just wanted to share these thoughts from the point of view of the kid.

[Quindin]

I would not have wanted my kids at the birth center with me last time - even if they were allowed. It is not the same as being home and they would have either bored themselves to death or feel uneasy about the strange place.

I am having a homebirth this time. The kids will be wherever they want to be My two oldest want to watch the birth, which is just fine with me. DS said: "I just need to make sure to have some earplugs - I think you will be like the ladies from the baby shows who scream a lot!"

ETA - One of the reasons I chose to have a homebirth is that it is not fair for the other children that I and the new little sibling are locked away in a hospital for 3 days without them being able to visit or snuggle with us whenever they want! A new baby is a family event and it is more than fair that the whole family gets to be a part of it if they want.

[starry_mama]

My kids will be there, as in "in the house", but I'm not sure I will want them there for the actual giving birth part. I'm not even sure I want my DH there for that part.

[MCKH]

I am not 100% sure but it's looking like a "no." My daughter will only be 26 mos old. I think it will freak her out and she will probably want to crawl all over me and cry, like she does when I shout. IF she were two or three years older, I would totally talk to her about it and go for it, provided I had a "support person" for her who would address her concerns and remove her from the situation if it became too much.

[mom2liv]

I actually took a look at this thread because I am currently contemplating a home birth with this, my second, although I really love my midwives and they only work out of the community hospital, so that's still my "official" plan. Either way, my 2-year-old will be there, although carefully watched by her aunt to be sure she's comfortable and not afraid.

The hospital is the one I delivered my first in, and they are very progressive and open-minded, so we're very lucky. The birthing center is new and rooms are large and open and equipped for water birth, which we did the first time and intend to do this time as well. We can have as many people as we'd like there, as long as I am comfortable with it. The midwives are awesome and make the experience as gentle and home-like as possible. Cord isn't cut until it stops pulsing, baby lays on mom's chest immediately and no one tries to wisk away to clean or weigh (unless there are medical issues) until well after baby had the chance to bond and nurse, and even then baby is never taken out of mom's room. So if we don't end up doing the home birth, we feel lucky to have a local hospital that is so supportive of our desire for a gentle and natural birth. Rare in our area.

Kristyn
Wife of Todd, Mom to Livi (5-23-05)

[DucetteMama21842]

My sons will be 43 and 25 months when I deliver. I intend on allowing them the freedom to be there or to go play. I have my sister (who has no kids but is very bonded with them) designated as their support person. My kids have watched birthing movies with my husband and I and we discuss all the parts of them, ie: sometimes mommies feel some owies/pain when they are having the baby, they'll make noises like moving something big (practicing pushing noises with them as they giggle), that's the placenta and umbilical cord that helps feed the baby... and the afterbirth and stuff we chose to call "goop"... my sister has been researching all of it so that she can continue to make it normal and describe and reassure them as it's happening if they choose to be there. We're birthing at home and I'd like them there for first stage until things get REALLY nitty gritty- then I thought a little break would be good until I'm ready to push. We'll see how it goes. I'd like them to be comfortable, so if they seem to NOT be okay with it... that's fine with me. They can go play cars with their Aunty.

[zjande]

My kids were at my last birth (a hospital birth), they were 14 & 7. I'll have my kids with me at the hosp this time as well. They'll be 16, 9, & 25 months. It's a family event.

[crsta33]

I'm not sure what we are going to do. I wouldn't mind them being here, but I know I need at least one person devoted to them (and my midwives would prefer 2, one for each child) and I just don't want that many ppl at my birth. My mom will be coming from 3 hours away, but history has shown I prefer her with me.

It just kinda worked out when ds was born. DD feel asleep for the night in early labor and didn't wake up until after the baby was born. She slept all night in another room...which hadn't happened before, or since.

Right now, I'm leaving the option open and considering calling some friends to come pick up one or both children depending on what happens in early labor.

Christa

[guest9921]

Depending on how I feel (I may want to be alone while laboring,) all signs point to yes.
I'm not sure if I'll ask a female friend to come to the birth, and if so, she'd be the toddler hugger.

[Belleweather]

I really don't know what we're going to do -- I'm really conflicted about it and it's been bugging me, actually.

On one hand, part of the reason we want to have a home birth is that I feel really strongly that having the baby come into our home and be born there will help DS adjust to a sibling better; it's not like mama went away and came back with a baby who will maybe go away or back where she found it. I'd really like him to be there. I also don't like the idea of saying to him "You go away to where-ever and when you come back there will be a baby!" because I think it sets up feelings that he was pushed out or pushed away for the new baby.

On the other hand... this is my little boy we're talking about, not some idealized toddler. He's going to be 25 months-ish when the baby comes and right now, at 19 months he has no clue. He doesn't understand that there's a baby coming or in mama's belly (which is good, 'cause I don't look pregnant and he's just getting that what we eat goes in our bellies and I'm scared he'd think I ate the baby!). He's super-super over the top emotionally sensitive and very mama-focused. I'm really afraid that his lack of understanding and sensitive nature would make it traumatic for him.

And, honestly, there aren't a lot of good choices for people to be his 'person' during the birth. We don't have a lot of local friends who are into natural childbirth or would be able to explain and help him understand in a safe way what was going on rather than just distracting him or pulling him away. (His Godfather would be the best and most wonderful person, since he watched all his siblings born at home as he grew up. But he's in Colorado and we're not, and flying out for the entire holiday season is a bit much to ask, even for a Godfather...) I've talked to a couple of Doulas in the area, but they're really more focused on mothers and birth support, which I feel good about, not on sibling stuff.

So, um... after all that... I really don't know.

[GinaRae]

Yes, my babies will be with me for as long as they want with a back-up plan if they need to get away. But with their personalities, who knows what they will decide, but I could see them wanting to stick around, but doing so in the other room where they can play. I doubt they will be by my side the whole time, unless it's a really fast labor!

[frogleymom]

My girls will NOT be there. They will be 30 and 18 months and even if someone is assigned to watch them, if they are in the same room I will be concerned about them and not focusing on birthing the baby.

I do want them brought to me as soon as possible afterwards. Maybe I'll just have my mom leave right behind us in a separate car and meet us at the birth center... If we end up with a homebirth, they'll just be in a different room.

My mommy instincts won't allow me to ignore my children when they need me... but when I'm in labor, I need to be able to keep to myself without feeling guilty.

Emily