If this will be your third, or more, baby . . .

[f&p'smama]

I have 2-year old twins that are fairly high needs. They want to be carried and held a lot & that's been fine. It takes a while to get them down for nap & bedtime & that's been fine, too, because it's just them and they do everything at pretty much the same time. They want a lot of my attention and to be right in my lap, etc. And if I'm around they want me to do everything -- DH can't so much as clip them into their car seat or change a diaper without them screaming.

What I'm concerned about is how this will be affected by having a third child & if I should start preparing them in the coming months to get less of my attention or that they have to accept attention/help from my husband.

Did you do this with your oldest child to prepare them for what life would be like after the new baby is born. I'm concerned that if I want, they'll resent the baby for taking their Mommy away. Not that they won't anyway, but maybe less if the change isn't so dramatic.

[Momma2DoubleCuties]

My 2 yr old who is a few months younger than your girls, is who I'm worried about. He is a momma only boy 99% of the time. Its hard sometimes, but I also love it. Right now he is at the "ewww girls" (thanks to his 5 yr old bro) stage and when anyone asks if he would like a girl or a boy he adimitly says boy and gets really embarrased if someone mentions anything girl. So I am a little worried if this is a girl, which I really feel it is he may act up with her. So right now I just keep reminding him that momma and his nanas and aunties are all girls and look how much he loves us and he can love the new baby whether it be a boy or a girl just the same.

[SheBear]

Expecting #4 here, but I don't know if I can offer anything of value. All my kids have been fairly laid-back, and they've all been just barely or not-quite 2 years old when the next baby was born. I also don't have twins, which I'm sure adds an entirely different dimension to it! You already have both arms full....the worst I ever had was the older baby on one side and the newborn on the other!

The most encouraging thing i can offer from my experience is that children almost invariably love babies, are fascinated by them, are instinctively drawn to them and want to be near them in a loving, protecting way. Of course, their ability and understanding of what is loving and protecting and caring and gentle etc. is immature, but their desire is to nurture the baby.

To me, that instinct has gone a long way to helping smooth the transition. I truly believe that children--even very young toddlers (my dd was barely 21 mos when ds2 was born) instinctively understand that babies need special care, and if you can somehow make a space for them near you while you nurse/tend to the baby, my guess is that they will not resent him/her nearly so much.

Maybe it would be a good time to invest in one of those huge, oversized chairs? Room for you to comfortably nurse baby and have a helper on each side? I think the main thing is stressing how much we love babies, how special they are, and what great big sisters your dds are. How gentle, how careful, look how much the baby loves you, that sort of thing. Our language and tone tells our children about our values, yk?

And I would highly advise you to not even attempt to leave the house for a few weeks.....I'm guessing by then, the transition will have sunk in a bit for them and they will realize that having daddy buckle their seats or read them a story isn't so bad. You can probably expect a gigantic developmental leap--physically, emotionally, and verbally--to begin soon before their third b-day, too. At least, that has been my exp. with my older two. Starting a couple months before their b-day, it is just phenomenal the growth that happens, and so quickly! And that period can be extremely frustrating for them and you, esp. right at first. I don't want to sugar-coat it! But if you are expecting it, watching for it, it can make the less-pleasant aspects of it more bearable, because they make sense, KWIM?

Blessings and peace to you! It will work out fine, and I'm willing to bet they will absolutely, completely adore their baby! Chances are, you'll have to fight them for the privilege of motherhood, LOL!

[Quindin]

This will be my 5th

You would be amazed at how adaptable and resilient little ones are! Mine have never had any problems when their siblings arrived - they actually thrived and seemed MUCH happier! They do enjoy the new role of being a big brother or sister. It is also just a matter of multi tasking

Babywearing for example made things soooooooooo much easier for me! I had my newborn tied on me all the time and my arms were free for the others - specially my then 2yo who always was a mommy's boy.

[kirk_heidi]

My soon to be 4 year old had just turned 2 when my twins arrived and he didn't get jealous until after a month or two when I was just too exhausted to be sure to include him in everything. Now my twins will have just turned 2 when I have this baby. I think they will be ok because they have been around a couple of my friend's babies recently and all they want is to hold and hug the baby. Beginning now by trying to prepare him some definitely couldn't hurt. I would just say begin to use a doll or something to teach him how to "help" with the baby and then the baby won't be as "new" when it comes. We did do a little of that with my son when the twins came. Another suggestion I recieved during that time was when you come home from the hospital, bring the child his or her own baby to take care of and that will help during the transition time. Letting them know that they are the "big" brother usually helps too.

[kirk_heidi]

oops, problems with me and my computer

[zjande]

I say "DITTO" to every single thing SheBear said! This is my 4th as well, but will be my first babies close in age (they'll be 25 mos apart where as my others were 6-8 years apart).

I plan on babywearing a LOT. I'll get a good wrap, so I can secure the new baby to my chest well & have my hands & arms free for my toddler. Also, in the very beginning most babies sleep a WHOLE lot, so I imagine my toddler will have time to slowly adjust to having the new one around, before he/she starts getting super demanding, pulling his hair, & grabbing his toys, etc.

[Ornery]

This is my fourth child (11 yo ds, 3 yo dd, 16 mo ds). I was really concerned when my youngest son was born as my dd was really attached to me. It was AMAZING how she adjusted. She was 23 months when he was born and I just approached it with a "this is how it is" attitude. I didn't make excuses or anything, just let her know how much I loved her. I did try to make some special time with her, but that was next to impossible due to the non-stop bf my youngest did. My DH had to step in to pick up the slack and she got used it really quickly (I had been responsible for 99% of her care up to that point). I'm a bit concerned about my youngest son's reaction to the new baby to be, but am hoping that he will respond in the same way.

The one thing that I did that saved my sanity (and I'll probably get flamed for this, but it worked for our family : ) was to put my daughter in a in home daycare type situation for three hours a day for the first two months after the birth. Part of this was out of sheer necessity because I had a c/s and just physically could not care for both of them for the first couple of weeks, but I grew to love it. It gave me time to really bond with my youngest ds, and she got to get out and have tons of fun with some new friends. I'm planning on doing the same thing when this little one arrives. Like I said, probably not a popular choice, but my children love to be around other kids, and they look at going to a "babysitter" as a real treat! My dd is already looking forward to going back.

I'm sure lots of mamas on here will have good advice for you. Good luck with the transition!

[frogleymom]

I completely agree with everything the previous posters have said. My daughters are a bit closer in age (12 months) and DD#1 had no problems at all when her sister joined us. This time the DD#2 will be 18 months and DD#1 will be 2 1/2, and I don't anticipate any problems. DD#2 was with me for my prenatal yesterday and after we heard the heartbeat she wanted to lay her head on my stomach to "hug" the baby. DD#1 is currently telling everyone that there is a baby in their tummy. (Yesterday she was telling her baby sister... "baby in there!!!" ) They both absolutely love their dolls and each other, so I have no reason to believe they won't love their new sibling.

They probably will have some jealousy issues, but they both also love Daddy... so they should be fine.

Emily

[Ackray]

I agree with the others.

I'm worried about my almost 4 year old and how she's going to handle the new baby! I've never had them so far apart before.

[GinaRae]

Hopefully their nurturing instincts will kick in and they'll pull back a bit when baby is born. They will know they have to share their space.

I am not sure HOW, but I WOULD try to get them to allow your husband to take a bigger role. A friend of mine had an older son like that and I am not sure how she would have handled twins like that. But if you don't work on it, somehow, something will work itself out and it will be okay. They may just naturally adjust beautifully!