How to help new fathers: - Page 2

[Shadow Papa]

New dads might feel like they are relegated to "provider" roles after the first few weeks. This is not the case and may lead to new dads moving into isolated "important" projects or revenue generating activities while mommy and child are busy bonding.

Be present with your wife and child. Don't take on new, big projects at work right away.

If your dear child is bonded to both of very strongly they will be more easily comforted by either of your as the years go on. Also, new dads will be more involved and less likely to miss or otherwise not see signs of depression or exhaustion in your wife.

She will need your help even though it looks like she is doing fine.

[OpenAppleDad]

Wow, thanks again for all of the great replies, I really appreciate it. I'll be using your thoughts in the upcoming weeks, as I've been asked to facilitate a men-only section of a birth-prep course with a local midwife.

The preparation for fatherhood course, so far, has been set aside, due to lack of interest from the community. I will bring it back later, but right now it's on pause.

[sdt99]

I would recommend all new fathers (in fact all parents) read the book

"The Omnipotent Child" by Dr. Thomas Millar.

IMHO the first 12 months is simple for the man (after all we don't have breasts). Where it can start to get challenging is age 2 (the terrible twos).

Discipline can be extremely difficult and agonizing and the above book blew me away with its insights into the perspectives of the developing child and how to nurture the child into a happy and responsible child while maintaining some level of family harmony. It places discipline in the context of the goal of creating a responsible and well rounded adult, and not just as a means to "keep the peace".

Parents who tell you that "all you need is love" either got very lucky and had an easy child, or will risk turning out an egocentric brat.

For the rest of us I think this book offers invaluable advice. Read it before you need it ! I wasted about a year on ineffective discipline before stumbling across it.

[ninelives]

But the thing is, you SHOULDN'T "get things started up again sooner." Medically 6 weeks is minimum advice, but 6 months is actually better, according to some researchers. And in South America (Peru, Ec., Bolivia, Chile, Paraguay), couples traditionally don't DTD for a full year (yepp, 365 days) after a baby is born.

[Shadow Papa]

Originally Posted by sdt99

IMHO the first 12 months is simple for the man (after all we don't have breasts). Where it can start to get challenging is age 2 (the terrible twos).

Discipline can be extremely difficult and agonizing and the above book blew me away with its insights into the perspectives of the developing child and how to nurture the child into a happy and responsible child while maintaining some level of family harmony.

It is important that for Papas to find ways to bond with child even though we don't produce life nurishing milk... We can provide life nurish comfort to child and spouse. Mama will be working hard to produce nutrients and love for little one. If Papa's are in there cooing and giggling they miss out on some critical bonding momments.

I took a little time off work... but not enough. Next time, I plan to find more ways to get envolve in the first six months so that DW can take more breaks and I can have better bonding with DC.

Regarding discipline: excercise self control in trying to manipulate your childs behavior. They are exploring the world and you can help them learn to love the wonders of discovery by keeping them say and keeping stuff from hurting them. The first two years of life they are still trying to get their body in line with their mind... don't expect them to behave as little adults.