|This has nothing to do with "respecting choices" and everything to do with a fanatic obsession over a book : . The OP even said herself that her ds doesn't care one way or the other and he'd be fine if he had to miss the book release party and would still have fun on the vacation.
I'm not sure where you got that ds doesnt care one way or another...he's been very clear since we realized the date conflict, that he wants to stay home and read HP. He has not wavered on that one bit. What i said was, that my son said he guesses he would go on the trip if i "made" him go. And i said, knowing how easy going my son is, that if i DID make him go on the trip, that he would enjoy it, and i dont think he would forever be disappointed about HP, or that he would hold it against anyone. However, just because my son is not super sensitive or because he is easy going/forgiving, doesnt therefore mean that his feelings should not be respected. Just because he isnt crying and hanging up on anyone, he shouldnt get what he wants?
I also think you really arent getting it about the book. For six books, many of whom are loooong books (like 600+ pages) we've followed the story of Harry Potter and his life at Hogwarts. At the end of Half Blood Prince, Hogwarts had closed and Harry went off to fight V. This last book finishes the story. Its the culmination of an experience that started when my son was about six or seven years old. For all six books, we'd lie in bed while i read out loud to him. Tomorrow night, kids all over the world will be standing in line to get their copy of the book, then rushing home to read it. By Saturday morning (or earlier) it will be all over the internet, how it ends. While i'm sure we would enjoy the book regardless, it would be really nice to read the book without knowing who dies, or if good triumphs over evil. I'm not sure why you don't get that!? We've followed these characters for *years* and this is it. The End.
|I have a strong feeling that if this was something that was important only to her ds (say the release of a new video game or the season premiere of a new cartoon that she cared nothing about) he'd be going on this trip.
Wow, i am not sure what i have written that would at ALL give you that impression...?!
We're radical unschoolers, and as such supporting my son's passions are pretty high on my list of priorities. So is respectful parenting, and just plain kindness within our home. I *absolutely* would support my son if this had to do with something videogame or cartoon related. However, the difference is in the timing. For example, if a certain videogame that he was waiting a long time for, was going to be released this weekend, i'd encourage him to go on the trip since the game would be there when he got back. But if he had been waiting forever for, say, the Wii to be released, he'd made prior plans to stand in line all night with friends and was really excited about that, and it would be likely he'd have to wait months for the opportunity to be able to buy a Wii, and he *really* wanted to do that instead of the trip, i'd respect that. As i said before, if this wasnt the *last* book, it wouldnt be an issue.
|What I see happening here is a mom who is just as (if not more) invested in HP manipulating this situation because SHE really wants him to go to the release party
Again....not sure where you are getting this. I'm going to the release party (with sister and niece) regardless, and would stay up all night reading regardless...indeed, when one of the books came out years ago..maybe Goblet of Fire, i can't really remember...i couldnt wait to read the book so after my son fell asleep i...ahem...read ahead and finished it. No big deal. I would have been happy to read him HP when he got back. He was not ok with that. I've asked him several times if he wouldnt rather go on the trip, his answer was that he didnt particularly want to go in the first place. He hasnt seemed conflicted at all, certainly not as conflicted and "guilty" as i feel.
|What are you teaching a child by telling him it's okay to do whatever he wants as long as "it's his choice" even when it means putting others in an awkward postion, disrespecting other peoples feelings and breaking commitments that have been made?
Well, i dont think this has anything to do with teaching my son anything. But what it has done is help me to learn that its important for me to not agree to any trips before checking a calander and being absolutely sure we are free on that date. And then discussing it with my son to make sure he wants to go, and only *then* to commit to it. My son hasnt disrespected anyone's feelings...he respects the fact that gma is upset, but he doesnt feel *responsible* for those feelings. Which is good, because he's not responsible. And honestly, i think her reaction is a little over the top, i can see her being "disappointed" or sad, but crying for days even though there are other grandchildren and her own two children going to me seems a little much. Out of seven people originally planned for this trip, six are still going. And please keep in mind this trip was going to happen whether ds went or not.
I broke the committment, by accident...not my son. Just wanted to be clear on that. If i had asked him, before any committment had been made, what his choice was, he would have chose staying home.
|Oh..and for the record, if I "respected" all of my child's choices we'd spend everyday eating oreos and watching Star Wars : .
Maybe thats how "respect" works in your house....but not in ours. My son can eat Oreos all day if he wants, but i know that even if he did, it wouldnt last long. Its the rare child that would truly choose to limit themselves that way when they know they *really* have a choice. Its amazing how when a person knows they truly can have anything they want (within time and budget contraints of course), they become very selective in determining exactly what it is they DO want. Its funny to me that you mention food and media choices, because those are two things (amongst many others) that i don't "control" or put limits on at all (again, with the exception of certain time or money contraints), and never have (and i was raised similarly so i dont have any "baggage" in that area)....and i have a son who doesnt obsess over those issues.
Its funny, because on a different board i'm on, a parent said that its great that Radical Unschooling has worked so well for us, because my son is obviously very self-controlled and will limit himself, but her son would spend 12 hours a day on videogames, eat junk food at midnight, etc if she let him. I had to laugh and responded that my son does all that and more, but how i, as a radical unschooler, respond to those activities is probably much different than how she does, and that response makes all the difference in the world.
But that might be a subject for a different thread!