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WWYD Harry Potter or vacation w/ dad?? - Page 2

post #21 of 122
The grandma did confer w/the original poster about the dates. The op was confused and didn't realize that they conflicted. She has stated that grandma would probably have been flexible about the dates if she had been informed. For me that is where the conflict lies. The OP at least tacitly approved those dates and several people went to some amount of trouble to plan a trip around those dates. If I was the grandma it wouldn't really feel like a family trip without my grandson. On the other hand it seems unfair to make her son miss his book release because his mom flaked on the dates. I don't know what the op should do, but it seems unavoidable that someone will justifiably feel hurt no matter what.
post #22 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by absinthe View Post
The grandma did confer w/the original poster about the dates. The op was confused and didn't realize that they conflicted. She has stated that grandma would probably have been flexible about the dates if she had been informed. For me that is where the conflict lies. The OP at least tacitly approved those dates and several people went to some amount of trouble to plan a trip around those dates. If I was the grandma it wouldn't really feel like a family trip without my grandson. On the other hand it seems unfair to make her son miss his book release because his mom flaked on the dates. I don't know what the op should do, but it seems unavoidable that someone will justifiably feel hurt no matter what.
: i misread and hadnt realised the op had actually been consulted on dates i thought it had been booked up without her prior knowledge. i would talk to ds and then talk to his grandmother, telling her of the dilemma and try and work out a compromise together that will make everybody happy. i hope that his grandmother will be understanding about the problem and work with you to find a solution.
post #23 of 122
Argh.

I hate when people just assume that something THEY aren't passionate about isn't really a big deal to other people. Harry Potter? Just a children's book, right? Who cares if he reads it a few days later?

Well, clearly the CHILD cares. He already had plans with his mom to read the book. It's a big deal to him. And, seriously, reading the book a week or two later basically means he's going to find out how it ends (which is pretty much the best-kept literary secret of the decade) from somebody else. It's THAT big a part of pop culture.

Waiting that long would be like videotaping the Superbowl and hoping nobody tells you who won for two weeks. A serious fan would never do that.

Same thing here. If the child's dad knows and respects the child and his wishes, he'll totally understand why he wants to skip the trip.
post #24 of 122
Yeah what the above poster said.

Just because it';s not important to some doesn't mean it isn't for the child and his thoughts and feelings should be taken into consideration over grandma's, sorry. its' an honest mistake to make and if the grandma(extended family) was considerate the still have enough time to possible alter plans to include all.

From a woman who changed her own vacation plans by two days to accommodate this book release date and my Dh completely understood.
post #25 of 122
I don't envy you the decision.

For me, I would pick relationships over events. I would see it as a call between fostering relationship with extended family over what is essentially a marketing tool - I love HP, but the release party to me is just that, a marketing event.

BUT that is me. You know your child and his life, and whatever you decide, the process of deciding will teach him a lot.
post #26 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Needle in the Hay View Post
You and your DS had made plans first. It doesn't matter if your plans and the vacation don't seem equal in some people's eyes. I think if your DS prefers to keep the plans he and you already made, that is perfectly reasonable. I'd definitely go with what he decides.
That seems reasonable to me.
post #27 of 122
Your son doesn't want to go as he already has plans.

IMO end of story

When a person has looked forward to something for so longggggg IMO it wrong to change plans unless of course that person wants to.
post #28 of 122
Don't they have book release parties in TN? Could Dad and DS start the book... go halfway through, and then the two of you could finish it together? Then maybe after you two finish the books you can have your own little party or something.
post #29 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
For me, I would pick relationships over events.
I see this particular event as enhancing the relationship between the OP and her son. This is a once in a lifetime thing that they both are very excited about and are going to share together. That's a big deal. It's the stuff that memories are made of.

I'd go with the release party. Your son is 11. The HP plans came first and he's expressed what he really wants. Those would be the determining factors for me. Yes, you messed up by not remembering the dates, but that happens and it shouldn't be irrevocable. I would, however, suck it up and call Grandma. You're the one who made the mistake so it shouldn't be on your son's father to fix it.
post #30 of 122
I do think that if you phrased this, "Son's favorite fantasy novel event or vacation with his father?" some of the answers would have been different. That's just a guess, though.

Here are my thoughts.

First, he should have an opportunity to bond with you. But, if I've interpreted this correctly, you have full custody. So it is not as hard for him to find time to spend time with you. So that is one point for him going with dad.

Second of all, I do think that we have obligations to the grandparents of the child. Not only dad but grandmother wants to spend time with the child and wants to share discovery with him. They consulted with you. They had their dates straight. You need to respect that.

Third, in my opinion, national parks are a much bigger deal than a fantasy series. But it's not my choice, so my opinion here is not really the point.

On the other hand, your son has expressed his opinion. He wants to do the release. He would go with his dad, but only if you made him. 11 is old enough to make that kind of decision.

I think that you should call the grandmother (it's your fault that they didn't choose other dates) and your son should speak to his dad afterwards about his decision.

It will be painful and awkward and embarrassing (for both of you) but c'est la vie.

If you are not willing to do that then your son should go with his grandparents. You either take responsibility for what you decide, or you make a different decision.
post #31 of 122
I know your family has already made its decision. And that someone will justifiably have their feelings hurt no matter which way you go. Here's the thing -

I think you should be the one to explain to Grandma. It was your mistake, not your son's father's mistake. Yes Grandma set up all the plans, but just because she loves traveling with her grandson and is strong-willed doesn't really make her too demanding in this case. It was a totally innocent mistake (one that I would probably make myself! ), but you did make a mistake that will deprive her of the anticipated company of her grandson - on a trip she set up partly for that very purpose. Despite his frequent travel with her, you still get to raise your son daily, and she and his father get to "see" him every few months - not really the same thing (as you know). I think ya gotta at least apologize yourself! (Sorry, I know that isn't a nice answer to hear : ).
post #32 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by bumperbee View Post
Don't they have book release parties in TN? Could Dad and DS start the book... go halfway through, and then the two of you could finish it together? Then maybe after you two finish the books you can have your own little party or something.
Is this a possibility? -- although I'm inclined to think Dad should be willing to read DS the WHOLE book, practically at one sitting, if that's what DS wants.

Is Grandma respectful enough that she'd allow them to do this guilt-free, with no little quips about all the beautiful outdoorsy-stuff they're missing? No "I planned and paid for all this -- and now you're reading a book and wasting this wonderful time I prepared for you" cr@p?

I wouldn't encourage your ds to go if you think there's any likelihood his passion for HP books won't be respected. You mention that your son's father is likely to spoil it for him by telling him how it ends before he can read it. If he's that clueless, I have concerns that he WON'T respect your son's feelings on this issue.

Also, it's bizarre to me that on learning from you that the trip coincided with the release party, Dad didn't automatically do some checking to see about release-parties near the vacation-spot. To me, that's what an in-tune parent would do. .
post #33 of 122
Oh, and if it seems they won't respect your son's need to get the book right away and read the whole thing nonstop -- then yes, you should call Grandma and say, "I'm so sorry I screwed up the dates ... ds and I have a prior engagement and he can't go ... I don't blame you for being mad, I'll be more careful about checking our schedule in the future..."

Let her rant a little, then make some excuse to hang up; she'll recover in time. And enjoy your Harry Potter weekend with your son!
post #34 of 122
Leave it up to you son.

Ask him to decide what he wants to do. Then support his choice one way or the other. He's old enough to make this choice, imo.
post #35 of 122
"Also, it's bizarre to me that on learning from you that the trip coincided with the release party, Dad didn't automatically do some checking to see about release-parties near the vacation-spot. To me, that's what an in-tune parent would do. ."

I just have to say, that there are millions of us who had no idea that they were having Harry Potter release parties, or that even if one person might have one, that these are a nationwide phenomenon. So I don't think that it's particularly disrespectful not to go out and find one.

The dad in this situation might have thought it was a private party, not a public event. I'm just speculating but I was surprised myself to see that they were having release parties. Odd.

But then, I read half of the first book before I put it down, utterly bored and disappointed. I have to say that if my kid chose the book over me, I'd feel really, really hurt, even though I could understand how a child could get caught up in all that hype.
post #36 of 122
At 11, I would leave it up to your ds.
post #37 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by izobelle View Post
that these are a nationwide phenomenon.
actually its international - there will be parties everywhere, especially the uk (the home of harry potter )
post #38 of 122
Oh, right, of course, sorry about that. I am on a listserv for Afghanistan, and they are also having books flown in at midnight after the release, from Dubai, I guess. Maybe they will also have a party. Crazy.
post #39 of 122
thats ok my ds started reading hp in march - and has now read them all, in fact a few of them twice. i never thought he would be into hp enough by the age of 6 to warrant getting the last book at midnight, but he is now hp mad and we are both so excited and cannot wait
post #40 of 122
sorry haven't read everything . .

I don't like harry potter, never gotten the hype but holy cow. even I was really excited when I saw that I got to work the release party (regular shift) and then realized that I had asked for that night off and was totally bummed.

I think this is an easy choice. The vacation sounds cool but it also sounds like this sort of thing happens often. and who wants to be around a crabby 11 year old. while he might tolerate this sort of thing with good humor most of the time this does not sound like a small thing. And forcing him to go when going means missing something this important to him could just cause resentment later down the road. I know it cause huge rifts between my dad and I (to the point that i completely cut off visitation) because I wanted to go to this church thing (and I am sure a lot of people would have thought it was lame but everyone went and everyone got super pumped about it and I was sick of not being a part of it) and he thought me staying wit him was more important.

I say do the release party. call grandma and apologize profusely (you did drop the ball here, it should be you that calls) and explain the ds already had plans that you had forgotten about.
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