Wow, we just got back from up north (beach cottage on Lake Huron), and look at all the responses! I dont think i can respond to each one, but wanted to thanks everyone for their input and also clarify some things.
When i said i was going to be "unreachable" i just meant that this past weekend (sat until tues)we were up north (in MI) at the beach, and i had no cell phone, no phone, no internet access....so i couldnt be reached. I fully expected when i got home i would have a voicemail box full of messages, or at least an email, from either my son's father or Gma, but no one called. I really hope he got my email saying that my son didnt want to go on the vacation.
|Part of me can't help but wonder if this is more about the release party, the book, reading it right away before the "magic" is gone etc.. being just as if not more important to the OP than her son. Kids pick up on things. The OP's ds most likely knows how important this is to mom and doesn't want to dissapoint her, which may be influencing his decision.
Actually, i'll be going to the release party and reading the book whether or not my son is there. My sister and niece are also going, as we all went together for the last book too. I had actually been looking forward to my son going on vacation for a few days, i had big plans to totally clean our apt and reorganize (i'm preparing for another homestudy visit for adoption/foster care) and its alot easier to do if he's gone--if for no other reason than we tend to spend alot of time hanging out when we are together.
We were just down in Cincinnati in June, and at that time GM was planning a vacation to "somewhere" with ds, ds' dad, ds' uncle, uncle's wife and two small kids. Dates were not specified, nor location.
My son (who is actually still 10 yo, btw, and will be 11 in Oct)is very laid back, easy going, and if i "made" him go on the trip, he wouldnt be angry with anyone or hold it against anyone. But i think he'd be pretty bummed about missing the book, but he'd have a good time.
The thing is...for people saying that the book isnt the last printing, it will still be around....its like watching a tv series for years and years...lets say "Lost"....and you are a super fan, its a big part of your life. You have plans to hang out with a bunch of other Lost fans, who have been meeting each year for each season's finale, and its going to be a great time. And then, its the series finale, the episode when you find out Everything...the storyline is resolved, the secrets will be revealed. Its "the end"....and you can't watch it. Yes, you can Tivo it and watch it later, and thats better than nothing. But by that time, the "secrets" will be splashed all over the internet, news, radio, etc. I think it would be a bummer.
If this wasnt the LAST HP book, the resolution of the story line, it would be a no brainer, he'd go on the trip.
Ds' dad offered immediately to find a bookstore in TN, and he offered to read it to him. When i joked that Gma will probably offer to fly ds down there, it was to make the point that she will do just about anything to make *her* plans work, no matter how much it might impact other people...i've repeatedly told ds' dad that it would be nice, if she wanted to plan a vacation so that she could spend time with ds, that she do something like spend a weekend in a hotel water park, in which all the time could be focused on each other, instead of trips which involved hours and hours of driving, or flying out of the country. My son told me that gma said she wasnt going on any "fake vacations" (not a "real" destination) so i question how much of it is truly about the kids. Last year they went to Mackinac Island...do you realize how far that is from Cincinnati OH? Freakin' far! Like 500 miles! And yet thats the vacation she planned when the other grandchild was about a year old. No sense that maybe that isnt the best idea. So now she's planning this trip with a two yr old, and newborn, my son, etc.
Gma has big boundary issues...she's taken my son to the dentist and gotten major work down without asking me (leaving my son there scared to death while she ran errands), gotten his long hair cut w/o asking me, told him she was signing him up for tutoring since he was "behind in math" (???) and really disagrees with us unschooling. She is used to her kids bending to her will, and when i would refuse it freaked her out. She couldnt stand it, and we didnt speak for a couple of years.
Normally, i would immediately say "no" to any vacations now, since my son has told me he doesnt particularly enjoy spending so much time away from home...but i was feeling all positive after our recent trip down there, and trying to show how flexible i was. I felt like we had "mended fences" so to speak, and wanted to stay on good terms.
My son never actually agreed to the trip, i did for him, which i now regret doing. I really think that ds' dad's issue has more to do with fear of his own mother, than about the trip and feeling like he doesnt have enough time with his son. Everyone is still going to go on the trip, including two other grandchildren. I didnt have the final dates for the trip until very recently, and by that time everything was booked. Yes it was my mistake, and i feel really bad about it.
My sister was really irritated that ds' dad wanted him to miss HP, because in her words "he has no problem disappointed Seamus when it suits him! But now that Seamus has something that's really important to him, he's supposed to just skip it to make other people happy?!?" There have been times he's gone down to Cincy to visit his dad, and ends up staying with Gma, running errands, and no one planned anything special for him to do. Once, i spent a whole hour on the phone, reading to him, because he was scared at night and everyone else had gone to bed. His dad has gotten tons better, but its hard (for my son and myself)when we live a certain way (Radical unschooling/mindful parenting), and his dad just isnt there yet....so he sometimes gets yelled at, or talked to disrespectfully, or that sort of thing. As i said my son is super easygoing, so he's not scarred by these things, but he has decided not to go down there by himself until he's much older---which is why i made this last trip with him, and will probably continue to do so just so he can continue to see his other family more regularly. Mainly, because his 2 yo cousin adores him, and i want them to keep up that relationship. S. dad comes up here alot, and its been that way for years.
Yes, we moved away from the area a few years ago, so i could help take care of my mom who had a stroke, and homeschool my son (he had a terrible time in school, and ds' dad would even drag him bodily into the school.) Ds' dad's reason for not moving up here is that his social life is down there. Which is fine, but i dont see how my son won't view that as choosing his lifestyle over his son. But again, he knows thats just who his dad is. We were never together, there is no custody arrangement, no child support, no legal establishment of paternity (such as on the BC).
Anyway, this is too long, sorry....i havent heard from ds' dad yet, he was supposed to pick him up this evening and i'm not sure if he got my email last saturday...i guess i should call him and find out!