I just got home from the NICU....

[candiland]

My friend's homebirthed newborn was just admitted to the NICU because his bilirubin count was too high. They're doing great, but I cannot believe how these babies in there are treated
There were two tiny little helpless newborns just screaming, screaming, screaming, and gagging, needing sooo badly to be held and nursed and cuddled... and NO ONE WAS EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM
They were just lying there naked in their hats and wires, screaming and screaming.... I was trying to hold a conversation with my friends, but.... oh, God, I almost started bawling my eyes out!! What a horrible way to be treated in your first days of life!!! I couldn't believe it. I think they treat animals better when they're screaming out!
When I left nearly a half hour later, one was still screaming to be held. No one gave it a second glance. What a horrible, cruel thing to do to a helpless little newborn

[2much2luv]

That is so sad. My second dd went into the NICU a few days after her birth and stayed for 2 and 1/2 days. I didn't notice screaming and crying but a definate lack of parents and, I hate to say this and hope it is not true in all hospitals, but I blame mostly the staff. I was encouraged to leave and get some rest and blah blah blah. I know I left my poor baby too much; I should not have left her side even for a moment, but I was exhausted and very open to suggestion. Anyway, I was there most of the daytime except to go eat and there was one other mama that came every day. The rest of the babies (about 5 of them I could see) I never saw the parents. It is just a sad situation. I am sorry you had to see that.

[georgia]

My first son was in the NICU for 3 days, and it was THE worst experience of my life. There was a micro-premie there at the same time, born weighing 1 lb---never once did I see a family member there. Shocking. I was fortunate to be "allowed" to stay in the hospital while he was there, so I was able to sleep (or that was the plan), but I mostly cried and pumped. I wasn't even allowed to hold him--too many wires that could be displaced. So glad I know better now--wish I'd known then.

Amy

[SarahGuinn]

I blame the staff as well, but I know it's a difficult job to perform.

There are programs in almost every hospital for volunteers to come rock, change, and feed the nicu babies. Although the screening process is kind of long, the rewards are great.

My hairdresser does this.

My boy was also in the nicu for our entire hospital stay. We were not allowed to stay past the change/rock/feed routine. We were allowed about 45 minutes every three hours.

Parents also may be extremely ill or incarcerated. Nurses, while comfort is part of their job, are their to make sure the babies live.

I hated it. It made me so sad. So once my son starts school or preschool, I'll be doing nicu volunteering. It's only right.

[Greaseball]

There is another website where a woman says that as long as your baby can breathe, no matter how premature it is or how little it weighs there is nothing the hospital can do for it that you cannot do yourself at home, if you are willing to hold your baby next to your skin 24 hours a day and feed it frequently.

I agree, they are treated horribly. I don't know why people think that when they're babies it's OK just because they won't remember it. I think parenting matters all the time, at every age, and that respectful treatment of babies should start before birth. There is no excuse for taping cotton over a baby's eyes just so you won't have to turn the lights down.

My sister was born at 29 weeks and 1 lb 15 oz and stayed in the NICU for 3 months. The nurses did not "allow" breastfeeding. (At least they allowed pumping, but the babies never learned how to take a breast when they got out.) All her first pictures are of her with masks and wires and tubes in an incubator.

Making a baby wait to be held until the volunteer comes in is child abuse!

[spero]

Wow...our NICU experience was nothing like that, thank God.

We parents were encouraged to do whatever we could for our babies. If a baby cannot be picked up and held (mine could not b/c she had a chest tube), we were encouraged to touch, touch, touch as much as possible. I changed her dipes, fed her (expressed bm, & then they allowed me to nurse as soon as her condition stabilized & she didn't have to be sedated anymore)...I even held her still and comforted her while the nurse drew blood, and again when the doctors removed her chest tube. The nurses there were beautiful, caring women and I cannot say enough good things about them. The nurseries were calm and peaceful, and the only time we were not allowed in was during the nursing shift change and doctor's morning rounds (when they are discussing personal info about patients & their families). Our 3 other children visited several times and were encouraged to touch their sister, talk to her, and to bring photos and drawings from home to hang on baby's warming bed. The nurses were happy to answer their numerous & varied questions, and to show them the little micropreemies (my dd was full term). We left with a great appreciation for the staff...they not only saved out little girl's life, but made us feel welcome and secure as well.

I'm so very sorry that you all had such horrible NICU experiences. I feel so fortunate to have experienced the opposite.

[mamabeard]

sorry, i didn't read throo all the other posts yet, but your post made me cry, candiland, cuz that's how my son's first few days of life were. it was AWFUL. he was only admitted because of low blood sugar. i asked so many times if he couldn't just room with me (since all they had to do was draw blood from his heal every few hours and give him formula, sad enough, yeah, but not major), but they wouldn't let me. it was terrible.. i was sooo sleep deprived, and eating crap and sad and stressed that he was in there.. everytime i went in to see him (after trying and failing to sleep), he was laying there screaming.. just broke (and still does) my heart. and everybody just ignored him. the nurses kept telling me to go sleep, and wouldn't let me try to nurse him in private because they thot i would fall asleep and drop him.. so we got to sit amidst the endless beeping and other screaming babies. i just feel so terrible for my poor son (who went on to scream anytime he wasn't held for the next year of his life- which i don't doubt wasn't just a coincidence), and wish wish wish i could turn back the clock and DEMAND that he room in with me. i still cry every time i think about him laying there alone in a plastic box screaming..

[crazy_eights]

Wow. I'm so glad that the SCN (special care nursery - basically NICU that doesn't take care of the sickest of sick, but just the "normal" sick/preterm babies. Lots of nurses, lots of rockers, lots of touching/holding, and lots of support for breastfeeding. Just wanted to throw in - it's not that way everywhere!

[JesseMomme]

My first was in for 3 weeks as well and the NICU itself had it's good points and bad points. I have to say, from what I remember (memory gets kinda hazy, as it was such a terrible time) most of the nurses in the NICU were godsends. If a baby wasn't tied down to tons of wires, and needed to be held, a nurse would just sit and rock the baby, and if the parents were in the hospital somewhere (like the recovery floor) they'd be called in to nurse or sooth the baby. If not, many a times I saw nurses sitting with the babies over their paperwork.

I was discharged after the "normal" 2 days and went to visit him every single day. From 9 in the am till 5pm. I hated leaving, and I also was made to leave during shift changes. What is that about...It was the second to last day I was able to stay in a nursing school dormitory and the last night I was able to room with him in a family counseling room inside the NICU.

I don't remember now why I didn't go to the nursing dormitory right away so I'd be right there at the hospital the whole time - it did cost some money though. I think it was an issue of medicaid not covering it. They ALSO didn't cover the rental of hospital grade pumps :curse But the president of the hospital's wife let me borrow hers when I had to leave for home.

[spero]

Originally posted by JesseMomme
...I also was made to leave during shift changes. What is that about...

During rounds & shift changes, the staff discuss personal info about the patients & their families. It's a privacy issue...that's why you have to leave.

...the last night I was able to room with him in a family counseling room inside the NICU.

Sounds like we may have been in the same hospital...were you offered a room at the Ronald McDonald House? I was, but I couldn't bear to leave the hospital. I slept wherever I could find an empty couch. The first night dh & I were offered the use of the family room, b/c nobody else was using it. At least now they have showers and a kitchenette on the floor...they didn't have that stuff when we were there...just this big, empty atrium w/couches...what a colossal waste of space, IMHO. Thank goodness they wised up and put some family-friendly stuff in!

I think it was an issue of medicaid not covering it. They ALSO didn't cover the rental of hospital grade pumps

I had this problem with my insurance, too I fought them tooth and nail, jumped thru all their stupid hoops, and they finally reimbursed me for the cost.

[khrisday]

My homeborn baby was in the NICU at a Universtiy hospital for 3 weeks. The wing that she was in, I don't remember babies being left to cry- but then again these babies were just too sick to even be able to do that. There weren't a lot of parents around there, but I know that many of these babies were transferred from other hospitals which were a distance away from the family homes. I remember one baby who had been there for 6 weeks, and his family was so far away that they could only come on the weekends. I just imagine how horrible that must have been- if the mom was working, she would have to go back to work and her baby would still be in the hospital. My husband was able tot ake the three weeks off that she was in the hospital, but if she had been there longer he woudl have had to go back to work. The hospital found a spot in a place like a Ronald McDonald House, and we were *so* grateful for that, because it was an hour and a half drive from our house to the hospital. Our hospital was not horrible, but they also didn't do a lot of things that they could have- like really encouraging nursing and using kangaroo care. Maybe it was partly because of the lack of parental participation in the babies care, I don't know. Having a newborn that is that sick is a really frightening things, and the stress can really cloud your mind.

[bec]

DD was in the NICU for a couple of days after my c-section. I still think it was for no good reason. There were two other babies there (small maternity ward). I never saw the other parents. We were allowed visitation any time. It was easy for me, as I was still a patient. If I was awake and not pumping (wouldn't let me nurse her at first), I was with her, talking, touching, etc. When DH was at the hospital (pretty much from the time he woke up, until he left in the evening), he spent most of his time with her as well. The nurses commented on how much time we spent there. We were shocked that we were unusual. It was very sad to see these other babies completely alone. It felt very strange and wrong to have to leave her. Especially as she seemed completely healthy.


Bec

[Greaseball]

Sometimes the c/s babies are routinely taken to the NICU. It's really hard on the mom, who often thinks something is wrong with the baby when really it's just "policy."

Also, I read in "Milk, Money and Madness" that the RNs often have to waste their time washing bottles and preparing formula - time that, if all the babies were breastfed, could be better spent on the babies.

[LBBmom]

I am an RN in a NICU. I read all of your replies with great interest.

First of all, I want to say, that the primary reason an infant is in the NICU is to keep it from dying. Infants who are brought to the NICU are sick, many of them would die if it were not for the capable hands of many RN's and doctors who look after them around the clock.

I have NEVER, in the 11 years I have been a NICU nurse, seen a baby purposely left to cry. I challenge anyone when they see a crying infant to look around and see what the nursing staff is doing. I can bet they are actively engaged in caring for another infant at the time. I have never seen a baby cry for more than a minute or so before somebody goes and tries to comfort them.

Someone also mentioned that nurses spend a lot of time washing bottles, etc. That is not true. We use pre-sterilized volu-feeders and prepared formula.

We actively encourage all moms to breastfeed. We even have a breastfeeding committee to help promote breastfeeding awareness among our clientele.

Sorry, it just got me a little off-kilter to read some of these responses. I'm sure there are some bad NICU's and nurses here and there, but for the most part, those nurses are busting their asses to make sure those babies are well taken care of and given tons of TLC. The NICU is not a place where nurses work just to get a paycheck. It is a heart-wrenching, extremely stressful, and busy place to work.

It just seems a little harsh to me to be so critical and condeming of nurses who helped to save your babies lives!

Like I said before, a NICU is not home. It is a critical care environment. If anyone has a problem with neonates being poked and prodded, maybe your energy would better be spent trying to find ways to avoid prematurity and illness in infants than to spend it griping about the care that is required to keep a sick infant alive. We have no choice but to "poke and prod" these infants. It is for their safety and well-being that we have to do it, hard as that is to believe.

[LBBmom]

As far as the parents not visiting much, I think it really depends on the hospital and the clientele. I do think it is sad when parents don't visit much, but there are many many reasons why that could be so. You really shouldn't judge parents when you don't know their circumstances.

Most of the parents of the infants I care for visit them at least once a day. I know in some of your eyes that is inadequate, but it is the best they can do. They don't love their babies any less than other parents who are able to be there a lot.

And another thing is, that I'm not sure a lot of the time, that these parents realize they are allowed to spend all day there is they want. We always tell them they are allowed to come whenever they want, but I'm not sure they understand. I think a lot of them feel like they are "handing over" their babies to us until they go home, which is sad. But their babies are loved while they are in our care, and the babies thrive when they go home, even when parents didn't live in the NICU.

[mamabeard]

LBBmom,

well, i can only speak for myself, but my post was more of a lamentation of the fact that my son was even in NICU when all that was wrong, really, was low blood sugar. and the pain it caused me to see him lying there screaming, without anyone comforting him. my memory is somewhat fuzzy, but i do remember that he was always screaming when i came in to see him (several times a day), and that he was never being held. this is probably because there were very sick and premature babies who required more immediate attention, which of course i totally understand.

anyway, i am grateful for the care he did recieve! that wasn't really my point... the original poster just reopened that particular wound (seeing my son in so much pain) and i felt the need to share my experience. and, all nurses are different. there were some who were very compassionate and encouraging, and others who treated my son like he was hospital property, to whom i had limited rights. for most of us who've had our babies in NICU, this is a very emotional issue. nobody likes to see their newborn babies suffering.

[Greaseball]

It just seems a little harsh to me to be so critical and condeming of nurses who helped to save your babies lives!

OK, I have not had a sick baby, so feel free to disregard what I say, but -

I'm sure that anyone here who had a truly sick baby that needed intensive care would be grateful to the NICU, particularly if they were "allowed" to breastfeed and room in with their babies and hold them whenever they wanted. I think what people here are upset about are preemies who are bottlefed formula against the mom's wishes, moms who are told they can't hold their baby "because they might drop it" or whose babies are routinely sent to NICU for being c-births or slightly under the recommended weight.

And even if a nurse is saving my baby's life, I expect respectful treatment, unrestricted access to baby by mom, and total support for bfing.

[SarahGuinn]

I wanted to add that nurses are people, everybody has off days, or weeks.

I was treated terribly by some, and my favorite nurse in all the world (after his third transfer) was the first one to "let" me breastfeed. I had only been pumping and was unaware that I could do it in the nicu.

She grabbed my boob and got it in the boy's mouth lickety split. I love this woman.

The fact that we were in the ncu is negative. So I understand negative feelings about it that kind of bleed over onto other issues.

[spero]

Originally posted by LBBmom
...a NICU is not home.

The one we were in was darned close! The staff did everything they could to make it home-like. There are big, comfortable rockers everywhere, beautiful handmade afghans/baby blankets draped over *all* the isolettes (made by volunteers), and the staff encourages all parents to "decorate" isolettes/warming beds with photos, drawings, small stuffed toys, etc. to make it a more home-like environment for the baby...they swear it helps the babies heal/grow faster (and I agree). All of these small touches work to make the NICU a less "sterile" environment.

As far as the staff not allowing parents to hold their babies...our experience was, again, just the opposite. As a matter of fact, I witnessed a not-even-3lb-baby in our nursery being held by his father, who was DRENCHED in the most AWFUL cologne...the poor babe's eyes were popped out of his little head and if he could have gagged, I'm sure he would have! (*I* was gagging, halfway across the room!) But the nurses didn't say anything...they probably figured the poor kid was gonna have to get used to it once he went home, anyway...but they all commented on it when he left!!! Ick!

I have nothing but great respect and admiration for the NICU staff that saved our daughter's life. I had a few words with a couple of the nurses early on, but it was minor stuff and they respected my position. I was not a first time mom, or squeamish about anything, and I wanted to make sure that they knew that. Once they realized that I wasn't going to flip out over every little thing, we got along very well. It was difficult to say goodbye to them. We send a note & a photo to the NICU staff every year on dd's b'day. They maintain a big bulletin board, and post all the updates that parents send.

Again, I am so grateful for *my* experience!

[Mamasquared]

My mom is a NICU nurse at a large teaching hospital in Chicago, but she is very supportive of how we are raising dd and in fact did natural childbirth and breastfeeding with both my sister and I in the earlys 70s.

I was curious about what she would say about this thread so I fowarded it to her.

Here's her response:

Well, most of those are valid complaints and should be remedied by the concerned mothers going to the hospital administrators for revisions in policy. They are very outdated and not in keeping with the current knowledge about developmental care in the NICU.

However, the one comment about anything we do in the NICU can be done at home, regardless of how small the baby, is totally out in left field. Micro-premies will not have the muscles nor the maturity to handle breast milk or suck or the musculature to continue breathing for very long. That is why they developed infant ventilators, hyperalimentation, umbilical catheters, and the titration of antibiotics that can be handled by the immature kidneys, livers and otic systems...the organs usually damaged by those drugs.

Many of the fragile infants are unable to tolerate touch...they decompensate and are severely stressed. The babies described there did not belong in NICU, however...just for photo therapy and blood sugar monitoring...those do not buy a pass into the NICU in our hospital...they can be treated either in the parents' LDRP room or as an outpatient.

We deal with much more seriously ill babies...as the two I have had the past three nights...one born with most of the lower organs outside: bladder, ovaries, uterus, small intestine, colon...requiring surgical interventions in stages...and the other with an intestinal infection causing the bowel to die in places and requiring surgery and a temporary ileostomy...not procedures that can be done at home by parents.

These babies had both parents at the bedside much of the time during the day...one mother (the latter baby) was in another hospital with gallstones and had her own surgery to handle, too, but was at the bedside of her daughter as soon as they let her out, at noon...

Anyway...there is far to go and much to change...they are correct and should act on their convictions...not just seethe.