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Need some advice re: a dilemma... - Page 2

post #21 of 62
For your daughter's sake, I hope it all goes well!
post #22 of 62
Thread Starter 
Update:

It looks like I may get that "Made for TV" movie ending after all...

Turns out that dd's bio-father set up his facebook account specifically in hopes of finding us. We've had several messages back and forth on facebook and have talked on the phone once. We're making plans to meet face-to-face in a couple of weeks (we both have holidays planned before then), first just him and I, then with our spouses and then with dd. I'm not sure exactly the timeline for all of that -- if it will all be in the same weekend, or in a couple of different trips, but so far everything seems really positive. My dh, understandably, is having probably the hardest time with all of this -- hopefully as this progresses he will be able to become more comfortable with everything.

Anyways, just wanted to post a quick update. Please continue to send good thoughts our way!
post #23 of 62
That's a great start! I hope for everyone's sake that it all goes well. Keep us posted. We'd love to hear a happy ending.
post #24 of 62
What a great update. Subbing to this thread!
post #25 of 62
I'm glad it has worked out so far.

My only suggestion is that you talk frankly to your daughter about the possibility of cold feet. I had a friend with a similar situation (though the biodad was older as was she) and her UAV of a sperm donor father flaked on the meeting. : Said he just wasn't ready. Later it did happen, and thankfully she was 21 and so somewhat able to handle it, but it really shook her to her core.
post #26 of 62
So glad to hear it's working out well so far, sending mcuh vibes your way for continued good progress!!
post #27 of 62
As someone whose father gave them and their brother up (I was also 2) I would say don't do it. I was 12 when he decided he wanted to "come back into my life" and a month later was gone again as fast as he came back. If it wasn't for the time when I was 12, I probably wouldn't have such strong feelings about being abandoned. To this day I wish I had never met the man enough to remember it. It pisses me off terribly that he never wanted anything to do with me or my brother, and that my child will never know him as a grandfather.

I'd say not to do it. Let her do it when she's old enough to REALLY make the decision herself.
post #28 of 62
Sending positive vibes your way. And hugs for your dh. This must be tough for him, but sounds like he is doing his best for his dd.
post #29 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by race_kelly View Post
Sending positive vibes your way. And hugs for your dh. This must be tough for him, but sounds like he is doing his best for his dd.
:
post #30 of 62
Thread Starter 
Quick update:

I met with dd's bio-father for lunch yesterday. It went really, really good. We spent about 2.5 hours talking -- catching up on stuff, discussing dd (of course), all sorts of stuff. More than anything, it was like having lunch with an old friend who I haven't seen in a long time... which is what he is, after all.

He and his wife are coming down tomorrow (Sat.) -- dh and I are going out for supper with them, then after supper his wife and I will kind of do our own thing, to give dh and him a chance to talk. Then on Sunday, dh and I will bring dd to their hotel to meet them, and the five of us will probably grab a bite to eat somewhere and then just hang out for the day.

Please keep us in your thoughts -- I'm sure everything will go well this weekend, but good vibes never hurt! I'll be sure to update after the weekend.
post #31 of 62
That's great! I hope everything goes well. Sounds like a great start.
post #32 of 62
Good Luck!
post #33 of 62
Thanks for updating! I'll be thinking of your family.
post #34 of 62
My father walked out of my life at the age of 8. It was terribly hard, but honestly I am better for it.

If she wants to contact him try and prepare her that he may not want to see her. I think it's better to know rather than wonder for years. She might build it into something it never will be.

If he does reject her, it will hurt immensley, of course, but she will have you and her adopted father to help her through it.

I still think it would be better to know now, rather than think on it for years.

It sucks.
post #35 of 62
I didn't read the whole thread befor e Iposted. I hope everything goes well!
post #36 of 62
I'm so glad that things are going so well. Yeah, for your family being able to work this out!
post #37 of 62


I'll be thinking of your family all weekend. Reading your update I'm full of ambivalence
and excitement for your dd. As a Mama to a dd who hasn't seen her Dad in a few years
I am glad that there is a second chance here. For your dd and her heart.
post #38 of 62
Subbing....so glad things are looking like being a made-for-tv-movie after all!
post #39 of 62
subbig here too ...
post #40 of 62
just wondering how the rest of your meeting went ? I hope all is well..
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