Sister leaving 2 little ones for 3 weeks!! - Page 9

[CaraNicole]

We're talking about a daycare center they are going to attend regularly and a visit with grandparents, not random strange babysitters.

actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">umm...i think this is where a loan would come in... </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
laughup

For one, personal loans are incredibly difficult to acquire, even for those with good credit. Credit cards are easy enough to obtain, but only if you have a good credit score and a high enough income will you get a limit high enough to enable you to spend in excess of $5390.40. Moreover, it would take months or years to pay that off at the usual 21% interest rate, so you'd be paying for those three weeks for a good long while. I hate when people just say, oh, if you don't have the money, just charge it! I get that all the time from my family when they want me to buy something I don't need or come visit them. It's a stupid thing to do unless you absolutely have to, and not everyone has the ability to do it. I learned the hard way how dumb it is to whip out a credit card, how difficult it is to secure a loan with low income much less a high debt to income ratio, and how hard it is to pay off a high balance at a high interest rate. We're still learning that lesson. I think the OP's sister is rather intelligent to avoid that situation. And maybe, like us, she learned the hard way too and is still learning. She may very well have student loans if she's going to school, which could make it hard for her to get credit for $5500 or so much less to afford to pay it back.


i'm not even going to respond to this...i do not need a lesson in banking tyvm!


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">yeah maybe she does just like those kids want to see there daddy! </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
I bet they do, but that's the price you pay to serve your country: lots of sacrifice. Most military families can't afford one ticket to Korea, much less two or three. The money ain't that great.

hmm...mom can't sacrifice to? what is good for the goose is good for the gander....


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">i said WHAT I WOULD DO...i guess you missed that part, i have one child...so i would bring one friend not that much extra expense...one room double beds, drive there, etc. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Not everyone has that option.


if you have a friend you have the option...case closed


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">no i do not, dh is trying to get his disability, and i am about to start watching a newborn, but i like i said before i would take myself to the bank or a friend for a loan.... </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
I don't have a friend or family member that could loan me $5500. What if the bank said no? You probably just wouldn't go then, right? Same here, but that's me. That doesn't mean the OP is wrong to do otherwise. Perhaps the OP, like me, doesn't have a friend or family member to give her the money. Perhaps she put this trip on her credit card and reached her limit just to buy this ticket? Spending $3000 usually pushes a family's budget, especially when they are lower-ranking military. Perhaps they are already in debt and can't rack up anymore? There does come a point when people stop giving you money.

There's going to be a big debate anytime someone is called selfish, dumb, immature, and not a real parent for leaving their children with loving grandparents for 3 weeks while they fly 10 hours all the way to Korea, shelling out an excess of three grand, to see their deployed husband who is all alone in a foreign country. And when that act is compared to abuse and murder.


please read this whole thread before you keep posting, you jumped in and missed ALOT... well if it doesn't get pulled anyways...

[MadWorldSonnet]

Originally Posted by CaraNicole

if you have a friend you have the option...case closed

Serious question--where are you coming from?!? Case closed?

I have a few friends, and this would NOT be an option. My friends are all mothers and/or work FT and/or are not people I'd trust my kid with for any length of time over 30min.

You are a very lucky, privileged person, and this shows in your posts. I hope you are thankful of this every single night. I really do.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by CaraNicole

actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...

Where did she say that they were meeting the grandparents for the first time? I believe that she meant that her sister and the grandpa were meeting four days before she left to exchange the children and not that the children were meeting the grandparents for the first time.

[CaraNicole]

Originally Posted by MadWorldSonnet

Cara-I can have fun with bolding the OP too. Lets go!

(I'll just snip though)




Hmmm...so I guess she didn't want to know our thoughts or have things explained from different possible perspectives? : Yeah.

This wasn't worded as a support only thread. She asked. We answered.

true...remind me to never ever post "what do you think here"
i posted what i thought in the beginning of this thread and it was a big deal b/c i said *I* wouldn't leave my child for three weeks...it was turned into a huge debate and i'm kinda lost on what the debate is now...

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

I don't even get why anyone is arguing about this. She's not selling them on the black market. She's leaving them with their grandparents for three weeks. To see her husband who is in a dangerous area thousands of miles away for months and months. I mean how nice for everyone who controls their environments so perfectly they never have to deal with complications, but not everyone is as uh, a great of a planner as you apparently are.

b/c we don't have anything better to do tonight... i'm glad you think i'm such a great planner!

[CaraNicole]

Originally Posted by MadWorldSonnet

Serious question--where are you coming from?!? Case closed?

I have a few friends, and this would NOT be an option. My friends are all mothers and/or work FT and/or are not people I'd trust my kid with for any length of time over 30min.

You are a very lucky, privileged person, and this shows in your posts. I hope you are thankful of this every single night. I really do.

i may be wrong, and i sure wouldn't want to accuse, but i'm just reading snark out of that post...

Originally Posted by TCMoulton

Where did she say that they were meeting the grandparents for the first time? I believe that she meant that her sister and the grandpa were meeting four days before she left to exchange the children and not that the children were meeting the grandparents for the first time.

i could of read this wrong but please read for yourself...

"My brother-in-law is in Korea for one year and my sister is leaving on the 24th to go visit him for two weeks. She's going to leave her two kids with his parents!! The worst part is, to make the "drop-off" easier, she's taking them to meet her father-in-law 4 days early so that it falls on the weekend"

if someone has a better reason for the 4 days early than meeting the fil please explain it to me...

[moonfirefaery]

actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...

I did catch that. Again, we are talking about a daycare center that they will now be attending regularly and a visit with loving grandparents. That the daycare is new doesn't mean they are being left with random strange babysitters, and that they are meeting their GRANDFATHER four days before the mother leaves doesn't mean that either.

hmm...mom can't sacrifice to? what is good for the goose is good for the gander....

Are you serious???

She is sacrificing! She's sacrificing 3 weeks with her children. She's spending 2 weeks shy of a year without her husband. She's raising two children by herself, holding down the fort alone. She's keeping the house clean, managing the finances, doing all the errands, paying all the bills--all by herself. You have no idea what military spouses sacrifice while their husbands are deployed! And if you did you wouldn't be up at arms about her spending 2 weeks in Korea with her husband and leaving her children with their grandparents for 3 weeks.

if you have a friend you have the option...case closed

No, you don't have that option just because you have a friend. Maybe all of your friends have jobs and can't take off work. Maybe they all have children. Maybe you have several children and can't afford to pay for travel, food and lodging for yourself, all of the children, your friend (and perhaps her children), etc. Maybe you send your kids to public school, and it's the middle of the school year. Maybe you homeschool, but you don't have any home schooling friends. And maybe you don't want them to miss 3 weeks of lessons. Having a friend doesn't necessarily mean you'd have that option.

I did read this thread, and nothing in it makes my points about the OP sister's potential ability to spend money on a plane ticket any less valid.

And if you don't have the $5000 to go to Korea then you're no better of a planner than the OP's sister, apparently!

[moonfirefaery]

if someone has a better reason for the 4 days early than meeting the fil please explain it to me...

This is what it sounded like to me: Rather than drop them off at their her father-in-law/their grandfather's house and leave immediately, she is going to spend 4 days there with them until they are used to being there. Or, she is going to let them stay there alone for 4 days while she is still in the country in case she's needed. Or heck, maybe this is the only time she can arrange to travel down there to take them there. She wasn't very clear. She didn't say this was their first time ever meeting their grandfather--just that she was taking them there 4 days before her plane leaves to make it easier.

[mamameg]

Originally Posted by CaraNicole

true...remind me to never ever post "what do you think here"

And it only took you 5 months to figure it out! I WISH I had been such a quick learner.

And just so I don't come off as a total smart ass, I guess I should comment on the thread topic.

I don't think I would/could leave my kids for that long, but that's me. The OP's sister is in a situation that is sooooooo far from any kind of normal situation, I feel like judging her is a bit out of my league.

I also feel that in the big picture, kids know if they are loved or not and a few weeks with their grandparents will not necessarily "damage" them.

I guess what it comes down to is a risk/benefit analysis. How badly does she need the time with her DP? Will her leaving the kids damage them more than her marriage will be damaged if she goes without seeing him for a year? Yes, they are little and need their mama, but they also need their parents to stay married. IMO, that's important, too.

[MadWorldSonnet]

Originally Posted by CaraNicole

i may be wrong, and i sure wouldn't want to accuse, but i'm just reading snark out of that post...

You are wrong. I honestly do think that you're lucky and privileged and that you should be thankful for all the options you have available to you. I mean that 100%.

Unfortunately, however, I do feel that people's personal lifestyle and experiences have colored their views of other situations with a somewhat rosey (yet at the same time, so black and white) hue. That's not snarky at all, it's the truth, put as simply and gently as I can.

[kaydee]

Originally Posted by heket

It seems there's a lot of personal agenda going on that will get this thread shut down.

And it couldn't happen a moment too soon... :

Love how these threads bring out the best, most compassionate and constructive side of our community. I will say it's impressive how deep people can dig in their heels and how tightly they can cling to their righteousness.

[CaraNicole]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

I did catch that. Again, we are talking about a daycare center that they will now be attending regularly and a visit with loving grandparents. That the daycare is new doesn't mean they are being left with random strange babysitters, and that they are meeting their GRANDFATHER four days before the mother leaves doesn't mean that either.
so being in a new day care for about a week is long enough to make you secure? i'm glad some kids can adjust to an all new day care center that fast...my cousins daughter who is almost 4 still isn't over her day care teacher leaving A. Year. AGO.

Are you serious???

She is sacrificing! She's sacrificing 3 weeks with her children. She's spending 2 weeks shy of a year without her husband. She's raising two children by herself, holding down the fort alone. She's keeping the house clean, managing the finances, doing all the errands, paying all the bills--all by herself. You have no idea what military spouses sacrifice while their husbands are deployed! And if you did you wouldn't be up at arms about her spending 2 weeks in Korea with her husband and leaving her children with their grandparents for 3 weeks.

i'm half way serious...and really annoyed i posted in this thread that i would NOT leave my child for that long...just couldn't do it...and somehow that has been spun into this fun convo with you...


No, you don't have that option just because you have a friend. Maybe all of your friends have jobs and can't take off work. Maybe they all have children. Maybe you have several children and can't afford to pay for travel, food and lodging for yourself, all of the children, your friend (and perhaps her children), etc. Maybe you send your kids to public school, and it's the middle of the school year. Maybe you homeschool, but you don't have any home schooling friends. And maybe you don't want them to miss 3 weeks of lessons. Having a friend doesn't necessarily mean you'd have that option.

so am i to assume that because a couple of my friends could do this they are... jobless, childless? actually the friends who could have all of the above...i have one kid, not in school so when i said it was what *I* would do that what i ment...b/c it's what *I* would do and all...

I did read this thread, and nothing in it makes my points about the OP sister's potential ability to spend money on a plane ticket any less valid.

And if you don't have the $5000 to go to Korea then you're no better of a planner than the OP's sister, apparently!

please tell me what you are talking about? how is this relevent?

Originally Posted by mamameg

And it only took you 5 months to figure it out! I WISH I had been such a quick learner.

And just so I don't come off as a total smart ass, I guess I should comment on the thread topic.

I don't think I would/could leave my kids for that long, but that's me. The OP's sister is in a situation that is sooooooo far from any kind of normal situation, I feel like judging her is a bit out of my league.

I also feel that in the big picture, kids know if they are loved or not and a few weeks with their grandparents will not necessarily "damage" them.

I guess what it comes down to is a risk/benefit analysis. How badly does she need the time with her DP? Will her leaving the kids damage them more than her marriage will be damaged if she goes without seeing him for a year? Yes, they are little and need their mama, but they also need their parents to stay married. IMO, that's important, too.

be very very careful my first post started out like yours and look where i am now....

[moonfirefaery]

so being in a new day care for about a week is long enough to make you secure? i'm glad some kids can adjust to an all new day care center that fast...my cousins daughter who is almost 4 still isn't over her day care teacher leaving A. Year. AGO.

That's your cousin's daughter. It's not relevant to the situation of other people and other kids with completely different lives and personalities.

I don't see what their security with regards to daycare has to do with the situation of staying with their grandparents for three weeks, but no, I don't think a change in daycare shatters a child's security in their parents and the world completely. It hasn't happened any of the times I've got new clients or had clients go to a new provider.

i'm half way serious...and really annoyed i posted in this thread that i would NOT leave my child for that long...just couldn't do it...and somehow that has been spun into this fun convo with you...

This fun convo is the result of your implying that the OP's sister isn't sacrificing, too, because she's going to Korea for 2 weeks, amongst other things and that she could/should have spent the $5000 on plane tickets and however much more on passports and whatnot so that she could take her kids to a hostile country, even if it meant borrowing money she can't pay back. Your acting as though because you could or would do something, others could or should is another contributing factor. Even if you're only half-serious about the comment related to the OP's sister's sacrifice, it shows a clear lack of understanding for what military spouses with children go through while thier husband's are deployed.

so am i to assume that because a couple of my friends could do this they are... jobless, childless? actually the friends who could have all of the above...i have one kid, not in school so when i said it was what *I* would do that what i ment...b/c it's what *I* would do and all...

No, you are to NOT assume that because a couple of your friends could or would do this that everyone has a couple of friends who could or would do this. You didn't just say it's what you would do; you also said "if you have a friend, you can do it, case closed." If it ever does happen, you have fun making your friend lose money by taking off of work, making your kids and hers miss school, paying for travel and lodging for your kid and her and her kids, and shacking everyone up in a hotel for 3 weeks! I'll pass! No matter what you want to believe is plausible not everyone has the ability to take their kids with them every time they go somewhere!

[CaraNicole]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

That's your cousin's daughter. It's not relevant to the situation of other people and other kids with completely different lives and personalities.

I don't see what their security with regards to daycare has to do with the situation of staying with their grandparents for three weeks, but no, I don't think a change in daycare shatters a child's security in their parents and the world completely. It hasn't happened any of the times I've got new clients or had clients go to a new provider.

apply that same logic to what you just said...it is bad b/c they went from 1/2 day care where they know everyone to, full daycare where they are "new" and do not know anyone...


This fun convo is the result of your implying that the OP's sister isn't sacrificing, too, because she's going to Korea for 2 weeks, amongst other things and that she could/should have spent the $5000 on plane tickets and however much more on passports and whatnot so that she could take her kids to a hostile country, even if it meant borrowing money she can't pay back. Your acting as though because you could or would do something, others could or should is another contributing factor.

actually i don't really care anymore what the op's sis does... i said what i would do and was hassled about it, first it was the battle of the best mother...then more drama...oh yeah and more... i am going to make this as clear as possible....


IF I WERE THE OP'S SIS, MY KID WOULD GO WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT OR I WOULDN'T GO... that is my opinion...i'm glad i have wasted so much of my night on this... that is all i was trying to say but now i'm off in la la land and have no idea what the debate is this time...


No, you are to NOT assume that because a couple of your friends could or would do this that everyone has a couple of friends who could or would do this. You didn't just say it's what you would do; you also said "if you have a friend, you can do it, case closed." If it ever does happen, you have fun making your friend lose money by taking off of work, making your kids and hers miss school, paying for travel and lodging for your kid and her and her kids, and shacking everyone up in a hotel for 3 weeks! I'll pass!

i said if you were me...b/c i was talking about what i would do again you had a friend case closed.... you didn't get my last post forget it...
anyways i'm going outside to smoke, if this thread isn't pulled and you have more to say i'll reply to you but i am sick of this stupid debate...

[CaraNicole]

i've had the chance to cool down...i'm sorry if i offended anyone, this thread has spun out of control and i can't believe i let myself get this mad about something on the 'net... once again i offer my apology if i offended you...

[Kirsten]

WHERE is Happy Becky???? So much confusion; she could clarify facts for us.

It is so interesting to me what 10 years time can do to your opinions. A very good friend of mine took a 10 day trip to France with her dp about ten years ago. At the time her dd was just a baby - nine months old maybe? Dd stayed home with gramma - who lived in the same town and baby saw a lot. Believe they stayed in the dd's house. Mom and dad called every day.

Then I was horrified, because France isn't going anywhere and their child was young. I still think it was too long, and would have been better if the child was old enough to understand that they were going and would be back.

But... now I really understand how hard it is to keep a marriage strong long term. And it is clearly in the child's best interest for the parents to spend some time on their connection too. I know I neglected my dp's needs and wants when our first dd was young. I was so focused on her - not balanced even a little bit.

Being a parent is hard work. Being married is hard work. The OP's sister is 23 with two young children and a deployed dp. And going to school and starting a business. Sounds like she is doing an amazing job. No judgment from me!

[grisandole]

I'm closing this thread, it appears that everything that could have possibly been said, has