Over-indulging teens - Page 4

[sevenkids]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

.

Also Boys and Girls club? We don't have that. the Y? We don't have that either.

We live in Rockingham, NC there is NOTHING here. We have ONE parks and rec and we cannot afford the money for the sports there.

Great news! Rockingham NC does have a B&G's Club!

http://www.governor.state.nc.us/Offi...ysandGirls.asp

Rockingham
Mr. Samuel Law
Executive Director
Boys & Girls Club of Eden
1026 Harris St.
Eden, NC 27288
[phone]
[phone] Fax

[Potty Diva]

Roar- my brother LOVEs the trumpet AND is really good at it. He just needed to stick with it long enough to realize it.

He also started baseball and wanted to quit after one season. My parents had put a good deal of money into uniforms and such and they were not going to just let him quit after such a short time. He played until 8th grade and then decided he wasn't good at it and my parents said he could quit, but AFTER he had actually spent time practicing and learning about it.

To be clear, we would not allow Kailey to decide she wanted to do an activity on a whim, we would all discuss it and think about it for awhile before spending money on it. For instance before we started dance we went to a few classes (3) and she was able to participate in one class. She still liked it even after seeing the work that goes into it. So we signed her up. She continues to love dancing and it breaks my heart that we cannot afford dance.

If we paid for our internet service we would cancel it, but we don't.

In fact, we cannot even afford rent or childcare. We are freeloading on both until September.

Happy now.

[Potty Diva]

Originally Posted by sevenkids

Great news! Rockingham NC does have a B&G's Club!

http://www.governor.state.nc.us/Offi...ysandGirls.asp

Rockingham
Mr. Samuel Law
Executive Director
Boys & Girls Club of Eden
1026 Harris St.
Eden, NC 27288
[phone]
[phone] Fax

EDEN IS TWO HOURS AWAY FROM US!!!!

[Potty Diva]

What I think is going on here is that you all really dislike me so much that you are now throwing bizarre posts my way. If you would prefer I leave just say so, ok?

Geez.

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

What I think is going on here is that you all really dislike me so much that you are now throwing bizarre posts my way. If you would prefer I leave just say so, ok?

Geez.

- I'm sorry if some of the post sound bizzarre. My guess is people were/are trying to help you think of way to get your dd in some sort of dance class on the cheap and explain why they are willing to pay for classes even though money and time may be tight.

Some people, myself included, thought it sounded like you were saying why bother with an activity if you can not be great at it. Maybe I just misunderstood the "tone" of your comments... sometimes it can be hard to get that on a message board.

Also, I got the feeling that you were resentful that some people can afford classes for their kids that, at least at the moment, you can't. BTDT and yes it sucks. If you are feeling that way, not saying you are but just in case, remember that your dd is still very young and will have I'm betting many opportunities to take classes and join sports teams.

Yes, people will complain about how much this stuff cost. It's just the nature of the beast - I'd rather everything be free to all who want to do it. Unfortunetly or fortunetly (depending on how you look at it), we are in a capitalist society and money makes it go round and round and round.

From an earlier post, you mentioned all the wonderful things you do with her. It made me long for the days my dd was that age and we did those alot of those things...



ETA: I don't prefer you to go I am really sorry if some of my post sound harsh. I sincerely believe we are all trying to do our best to raise children that will make the world a better place and children that will find their niche in that world. Sometimes things seem to conspire to make that a tough goal. We just have to hang in there and have faith it will all work out...


ETA Also:

Originally Posted by sevenkids

My friend's daughter wanted to take ballet, and she went to the most expensive private studio in the city, asked for a scholarship, and got it. There are organizations willing to help, you just need to make the effort to find them and ask for it.

Ya know what I have found? Some of the most expensive and exclusive studios are also the ones that give the most in grants for those that need them. Not sure if that will help you Pottydiva, but just something I noticed.


*

[sevenkids]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

EDEN IS TWO HOURS AWAY FROM US!!!!

I'll thank you not to scream at me. :



I'm no stranger to poverty, I'm a (once again) single mom with 5 kids to support. But if my kids want to do something, I will get off my self-pitying high horse and ask for help. Like I asked my son's coach to waive the $35 dollar registration fee so he could play football last season. And he graciously did, he even took him to Sport's Authority and bought him his cleats. My friend's daughter wanted to take ballet, and she went to the most expensive private studio in the city, asked for a scholarship, and got it. There are organizations willing to help, you just need to make the effort to find them and ask for it.

Sometimes there are lots of resources and alternatives that we don't know about until someone else suggests them. You can take the suggestions offered here in the spirit in which they were intended, as an honest effort to help you help your daughter get what she wants, or you can expend more energy in being angry and scream at me some more. It's up to you.

[Susana]

potty diva, I don't dislike you. I'm sorry you can't afford rent or childcare or dance classes. That has got to suck, and I hope your situation changes for the better and soon.

[Marcee]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

What I think is going on here is that you all really dislike me so much that you are now throwing bizarre posts my way. If you would prefer I leave just say so, ok?

Geez.

wow I just dont get which post was bizarre:

:

And I really think that we "complaining" parents are suffering from "Sticker Shock". I really think that there is a difference.

[Marcee]

Potty Diva- Please dont think I am trying to intrude but could you maybe purchase (for a birthday or such) a dance dvd for you little gal. My daughter has some and loves to put on her leotard and "dance" I do it with her and we have a lot of fun. Perhaps if you know any little girls in the neighborhood or if she has school friends maybe they could come over for "dance class".

I grew up taking dance until my mom and dad split and we could not afford it. In fact the electric was paid out of our broken piggy banks. I promise it does not haunt me. It really made me apperciate things when it got better. (Which it did by the way, and I pray it will for you too!)

And I do think that if a teen wants to do something bad enough and parents cannot afford it they will work to find a way to do it.

[Arduinna]

I am criticizing them because they complain about paying for these MULTIPLE things

I am knocking the COMPLAINING

Bottom line is this is the teen forum and the parents here have the right to complain if they want to. If you don't want to hear the complaining, don't read the thread. It's really that simple.

Additionally, teens choosing activities is not the same as a 6 year old choosing them. Maybe some of the folks in teh Childhood Years forum have some tips for you?

[mamaduck]

I didn't even realize until half way through this thread that you are talking about a six yo. Potty Diva. That was confusing -- this being a teen board and all. FTR - I don't think a 6 yo. has the same needs for activity and accomplishment that a teenager does, and I'm absolutely sure that your 6 yo. is just fine and thriving on the creativity that you provide for her. I would not kill myself looking for free activities for a 6 year old. You are right about arts and crafts, etc... My 7 yo. only does activities sporadically when he has the gumption for it. Mostly he likes to sit and home and read Magic Tree House or play Webkins.

I thought the posters who provided links and resources were just trying to be nice.... you have said several times that you wish your dd could dance, but you can't afford it. If you had said, "We don't do activities and we're just fine and satisfied," then nobody would have offered suggestions. But as it is -- people were just trying to help. I feel confused about why that upset you so much -- I feel like there must be something going on unders the surface about this issue, for you -- your reactions have been emotionally disproportionate to what has been stated. But I am not going to guess at what it is.

I suspect that when your DD is older, if she has an interest in outside activities, she will help to find a way somehow. At any rate -- its a long way off, and circumstance change given time.

[Potty Diva]

Mamas,
You're right. I feel less than adequate as a parent because we cannot afford to put our daughter in dance, or even other sports activities if she wanted them. Most of the kids, and I would say all of them, in her afterschool care class are involved in something (even Girl Scouts) but Kailey isn't and I feel like a poor parent. Even the woman I can't stand who is a lying, cheating UA violation can afford to get her kids (all three of them) into activities every school year and summer- but not us. And it isn't all financial, really. Dh doesn't think it's a priority. He says we can't afford it, and there is no way.

I'm not bitter at any mamas who have their kids in activities, but I am frustrated at myself.

Are there other things going on? Yes, once again I am feeling really angry with posts here and it all stems from me getting irked at other posters for not seeing things "my way." It happens about one a year or so on MDC (generally I get banned for a period of time when it happens).

Last night I went clothing shopping and found I am 2 sizes bigger, even after going vegan for the last month. It's frustrating and miserable for me. My stomache is huge and protruding. It hangs down and I just feel hopeless.

Dh hasn't found a teaching job for next year and I honestly doubt he will get one since he was let go after only his first semester of teaching (he has excellent letters of recommendation from more than three people- including his former principal).

I'm stress (which is no one's problem but my own) and just feeling crappy overall.

You're right, my posts here having nothing to do with teens not being responsible, or parents over-indulging (which really was a poor word choice) their teens.

I cannot see into the future or predict how I will react the the social needs Kailey will have once she has reached her teen years. All I can do is to listen to the advice of mamas here who have or are raising teens now.

Some of you took the time to look for resources for me and I am appreciative and grateful that you did this, and you had no obligation to do so- thank you.

I wasn't going to respond further to this thread but feel you have a right to know why I'm sounding so ungrateful and angry.

Mamas, I am truly, completely sorry for first interupting the "cost" thread and then for creating this snarky thread, really.

[mamaduck]

Oh, Diva -- your post made me cry. I hope you DON'T get banned, this time, because you are valued here. You are having a sucky time lately, eh? I think anyone dealing with what you are dealing would be feeling a little grumpy and snarky, so don't be hard on yourself, okay?

I think this thread has been interesting. Its a good idea for a disscussion, if it weren't so emotionally loaded for you right now -- a lot of good points have been raised, different views expressed -- its good to think through these things.

Early on in the thread you posted that you and DH had both "failed" in life. That post was a bit of a red flag, kwim? Using a word that indicates such finality -- like "failed" -- really makes it sound as if you have just given up. I hope thats not true. You can be havng a rough time or journeying through a rough patch for a good long while, and still come out whole on the other side eventually. You haven't "failed" in life if you are still kicking.

Let go of your concerns about activities for right now. You have a good long while before you have to worry about it too much.

[Susana]

Potty Diva~

[Arduinna]

[Alkenny]