PORN empowering vs. degrading. - Page 2

[LaughinWillow]

Degrading. Especially to women.

Prior to be a SAHM, I earned a master's in counseling (with a focus on women with PTSD) and then was doing grad study in anthropology/women's studies, and at one point was studying women in porn and other sex work. Turns out that in studies, women in pornography personally FEEL degraded and generally report having extremely dysfunctional sexual experiences prior to as well as after being in porn. They often were prostitutes, teen runaways, were raped by relatives, etc. -Thus making appearing in porn seem like "no big deal." It's not a nice industry. A great book on the subject is "Pornography and Silence" - highly recommend it.

Aside from that, I completely agree with the poster(s) who pointed out that pornography distorts normal healthy sexual relationships and so is probably detrimental to children/teens who watch it. It's like exposing teen girls to a bunch of media that distorts healthy body image and promotes starvation diets - we'd probably agree that that kind of stuff isn't positive for teens to see, so why would we think that allowing teens to watch excessively distorted and often extremely sexist representation of sexuality would be good for them?

I've known men, for example, who told me that they learned "how to have sex" from porn and had real problems because of it. I think there are videos specifically produced by and for couples that are probably in a different category, and I don't think that making a video of yourself and your partner together is "porn" at all. But in terms of mainstream porn, I'd hope that whether my teenager "was going to see it anyway," I'd at least model to her that at least for ME, it's not ok. And hope she'd get the message.

[captivatedlife]

I think that MOST audio/visual porn is degrading. Especially because few people buy free market/ fair porn because of all the free stuff on line.

I think a good alternative is a selectively picked out erotic text in book/magazine format (because pictures can draw you in too...)

[ryansma]

Originally Posted by wildecent

i think it's a problem because it makes unrealistic sexual situations seem plausible/normal.i've met grown women who fake orgasams because they think having a real one "will take too long"they want to have that porn experience(or,more icky,give the partner the experiance they think he "deserves") even as they don't seem to realise they are cheating themselves out of real sex and letting their partner go through life thinking that women come on cue all the time.that said sexual outlets from teens are important,porn is out there wether it empowers or degrades,i think it's important to keep open lines of communication about sex,morals,ideas,and give enough space for the kids to own their own sexual life/morals/ideas...

A teenager is new to all things sexual and ruled by hormones. Porn does nothing but satisfy curiosity. The situations are contrived and casual sex is endorsed. To me it is no different than glorifying drinking or smoking. Things we know are not best for our children. If you say you want your child to learn that sex is for sharing within the context of a committed meaningful relationship then porn doesn't fit with that ideal. Those situations are NOT real and it is NOT normal to watch other people having sex.

Originally Posted by LaughinWillow

I completely agree with the poster(s) who pointed out that pornography distorts normal healthy sexual relationships and so is probably detrimental to children/teens who watch it. It's like exposing teen girls to a bunch of media that distorts healthy body image and promotes starvation diets - we'd probably agree that that kind of stuff isn't positive for teens to see, so why would we think that allowing teens to watch excessively distorted and often extremely sexist representation of sexuality would be good for them?

Very well said.

[bigeyes]

I think that is a very good point. It is not normal to watch other people having sex.
My definition of porn would be watchingother people, so obviously a couple filming themselves wouldn't be porn. Nor would masturbation.

But if that couple filmed their neighbors....

That said, I don't really care that much if other people want to watch it, but I believe it is degrading to women, and I don't get the appeal. I don't want to watch other people have sex.

I don't want to watch other people eat cake. I don't want to watch other people spend money, or go on a cruise, or hang out on the beach.

I'm not jealous, I just don't understand living vicariously. I'd rather do something than watch someone else do it, whether that something is sex or anything else.

[wildecent]

ryansma porn is often a tool at hand and a problem because the senarios of most porn are unrealistic. porn does not fit with my ideal but there is a strong chance that my children with consume porn at some point and it is my job to counter balance poor sexual ideals where ever they spring from (peers,porn,music videos,etc) i don't think we are disagreeing. i think porn has the ability to desensitize people,it's also more easily acessed through the internet now and while i'd like to think my children wouldn't dream of seeking it the chance of coming across it is high.i'm hoping to raise people who will not be swayed by these things,sexaul fantasy is a large component of human life and our modern society provides porn as an outlet.i'm not saying "ra ra ra let the kids have porn" i'm saying should my children choose to look at porn i hope they have the counter balance of people in their lives who can let them see porn for what it is and reject the ugly aspects of how base culture and media can be

[ryansma]

Originally Posted by wildecent

ryansma porn is often a tool at hand and a problem because the senarios of most porn are unrealistic. porn does not fit with my ideal but there is a strong chance that my children with consume porn at some point and it is my job to counter balance poor sexual ideals where ever they spring from (peers,porn,music videos,etc) i don't think we are disagreeing. i

No, we aren't disagreeing although I don't see most porn as unrealistic, I see it ALL as unrealistic b/c it is not natural to watch other people engage in the most intimate of acts.

[wildecent]

ahh, i see... yes well i can respect your opinon in that regard...

[Adastra]

Interesting thoughts here.

In so many ways, I feel my children are growing up in a kinder world than I did. But when it comes to porn and sexuality - I don't think there was much harm in the Playboys boys that were my peers looked at.

And I think there is endless harm in the s**t that's far easier to access now. Such incredibly sick stuff all over the place.

[DiannaK]

Originally Posted by Abi's Mom

I agree. It is our job as parents to protect our children, even when they are teenagers. I don't think that a child has anything positive to gain from watching porn. I disagree with a poster who suggested that teens are going to look at porn anyway. When I was a teen, I didn't look at porn. Looking at porn is not an expected human behavior. It is something taught/learned.

I have an Abigail, too!

And ... I totally agree with your post .. it IS something taught/learned

[TinyFrog]

I do not think teens should be encouraged to view porn,well, or adults for that matter. I also agree that not all teens will view it. I certainly had no interest but I would guess that my brother did and our parents did not talk to us about sex.

I have a teenage BIL who was caught with some porn. His parents never talked to them about sex so I hate to imagine that he thinks in normal.

It is probably alright for some adults but it just seems more abused than anything and I do not think it condones a healthy relationship.

[Julz6871]

GReat thought provoking discussion. Seems like everything is getting more graphic these days, and it is almost like I didn't notice until I had kids. I do think porn is degrading to women. I was at a friend's house when I was 12 and her father had left a porn in the VCR. I had No sex education and it was how I first learned that a penis penetrates the body........only two penises were penetrating her.......it was awful! I remember feeling terrified. She was screaming and making faces I couldn't tell were pleasure or pain. Then I recall the guys getting up high fiving and leaving. That was not a good start. I was so confused and of course had no one to ask! I thought sex must be the most painful thing. And it was for me for quite some time. I remember not wanting to tell a guy he was doing something that hurt me........it either came from my initial view of sex or from my need to please syndrome..........probably both.

Now when I read about porn and psychology. Considering 1 in 4 of the general public has been sexually abused, the number of women is the sex industry is significantly higher.......can't remember off hand exactly. They are allowing themselves to be revictimized. When my husband and I were dating he once showed me a pic of a gatorade bottle (big one) being "used" and I was so sad for her. I told him how much pain that probably caused and how she was being bought and sold in the sex industry and giving men an unrealistic idea of how to treat women and he was shocked. He never even thought that would have hurt her. So desensitized. I think early exposure to casual sex and pleasing men at all costs is negative. I think giving young people the idea that sex is over when the man cums is wrong. I do think there are some porns made by women that are more realistic and done with more feeling, but seeing people paid to have sex just isn't my cup of tea. I think young people have enough to deal with from young girls performing random acts of oral sex, to the latest trend of having anal sex to preserve "virginity." (this tid bit I got from my brother-in-law who teaches and coaches at a high school and sees it all). We have to protect our girls and give them self esteem and educate our boys. Porn is an example of what not to do in my opinion.

[embers]

I am under no illusion that my young teen geek boys have looked at porn. They have the access and the privacy (both have laptops and their own rooms). Shoot, do a google image search for rather innocuous things without "safe search" on, and you will find porn (I had to have a LOOOOONG talk with my 8 year old daughter about this after she was google searching for screen shots from a cute website calls "curious kittie".... yikes).

As parents, we are open, approachable, understanding, and real. We speak openly and listen carefully. Both my husband and I talk about the "industry" behind porn, the real concerns about addiction (our family is riddled with all sorts of addictions, so there is a possible predisposition to consider), the escapism aspects, the moral issues (those are real people... moms, daughters, sisters, etc), and how you can put yourself into a sense of shock and as sensory seeking junkies (again, our whole family), there can be problems in willingly subjecting ourselves to shocking images (using my son's computer, google auto-fill search showed me that my 11 year old was looking at midget porn, poop porn, etc). We use no shaming, no alarmist reactions, etc... just very open and honest conversation.

My husband has talked to the boys about some appropraite alternatives to supporting the porn industry, even online. He has suggested erotica and "Henti" (Japanese comic pornography) as possible substitutes for images and videos online.