feeling detached

[kirk_heidi]

Does anyone else feel this way. This pregnancy just seems so unreal to me. I have never felt this way before and I don't like it. I wonder if the reason I feel so detached is from fear. My daily emotional stress is so high that I wonder if the baby will be ok. I just want to be attached to my baby. :

[miss_nikki]

You are definetly not alone. There are times where I STILL have to remind myself I'm even pregnant. Honestly I do think it's partially based on fear due to a previous miscarraige. I also worry about emotional stress effecting (affecting?) the baby, because I've been dealing with a lot of it lately. so no you aren't alone at all in how you feel. I haven't felt this way before either.

[starry_mama]

Yes,totally. I had no morning sickness, I haven't felt any movement, and I haven't gained any weight. I sometimes wonder if I'm even pregnant.

[wife&mommy]

I feel that way too this time. It wasn't so bad until I found out the gender and now I feel even further away. I think if it was a boy I would think of it like my DS and that would make it easier but for a girl I just don't know what to expect! I'm THRILLED to have a daughter, don't get me wrong, it's just making it all seem unreal and hard to get attached.

[*MamaJen*]

Originally Posted by starry_mama

Yes,totally. I had no morning sickness, I haven't felt any movement, and I haven't gained any weight. I sometimes wonder if I'm even pregnant.

I know what you mean. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm making the whole thing up. It's also hard to remember that the end result of pregnancy is a baby. That's just bizarre.
I think it'll get more tangible as we start to show more and feel the baby more. Until then, it's sort of life as normal, huh?

[DucetteMama21842]

Yeah. It takes me awhile every time. Until the kicking starts happening/becomes much more frequent, and until I'm showing and such. I do think it's hard for me to get super attached because I'm always so scared of miscarriage.. Hang in there mama- it'll pass soon!

[Belleweather]

Originally Posted by kirk_heidi

Does anyone else feel this way. This pregnancy just seems so unreal to me. I have never felt this way before and I don't like it. I wonder if the reason I feel so detached is from fear. My daily emotional stress is so high that I wonder if the baby will be ok. I just want to be attached to my baby. :

I think it's really hard to be attached when you have a bunch of other things you've got to be thinking about. I know I'm feeling the same way -- I'm so busy worrying about money and houses and cars and insurance and DS and DH and all the other balls we're trying to keep in the air that the baby is really getting last place and I'm not feeling bonded, especially not in the same way I felt with DS. I'm trying to take a few moments at night and in the morning to focus on just the baby, which helps some -- at least on the days when I'm not wrenched out of bed by a bad dream or a crisis.

[kirk_heidi]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

I think it's really hard to be attached when you have a bunch of other things you've got to be thinking about. I know I'm feeling the same way -- I'm so busy worrying about money and houses and cars and insurance and DS and DH and all the other balls we're trying to keep in the air that the baby is really getting last place and I'm not feeling bonded, especially not in the same way I felt with DS. I'm trying to take a few moments at night and in the morning to focus on just the baby, which helps some -- at least on the days when I'm not wrenched out of bed by a bad dream or a crisis.

That sounds about right. My midwife mentioned spending time focusing on the baby too. I need to get in the habit. Thanks for all of the responses, it is nice to know I am not alone in feeling like this. I mean, I love this baby, I just feel so seperate from it. It really is like I am imagining the whole pg.

[AGlimmeringHope]

Definitely not alone. At this point with dd I was starting to feel kicks, and I still had constant morning sickness- undeniable reminders that I was in fact pregnant. This time I'm done with any nausea for the most part, I feel compartively great from the last pregnancy, I'm not worried about miscarriage anymore. Pretty much the only time I'm reminded that I'm pregnant is when I lay flat on my back (getting hard to do, and I can see exactly where my uterus is), on my tummy, or happen to use our doppler to hear the heartbeat. No movement yet, which kind of worries me but I know it's normal. I just hope it means I'm growing a baby who WON'T be incredibly high needs and have colic for 6+ months that involved at least 4-6 hrs of crying each night. I've earned my easy baby, dang it!

[sophi4ka]

starry_mama I feel exactly like you said. Couldn't put it any better

[blue_salsify]

i feel this way sometimes too. at first i found it very alarming, but have gotten more used to it. i think all pg's but the first are likely to be less obsessively absorbing.

i started going to prenatal yoga to give myself some Mom & Baby time to focus. it's fun to be w/ the other pg Mamas to get my mind around it, even though i didn't even have a belly for a while and could have been in a reg. class. that just wasn't the point though. it did help.

[MCKH]

I feel this way too, even though my baby is very active and I am feeling a lot of kicks. I think for me it is a defense mechanism - a not counting my chickens before they're "hatched" thing. I always try to protect myself from disappointment by not becoming overly invested in something before it is a sure bet. This pregnancy is going beautifully so far, but I think I will be able to get more into it and bond with the baby inside once an ultrasound confirms that all is well. Not that I wouldn't be crushed regardless, but at least in my crazy brain it makes sense not to get all gaga at this point!

[Ceinwen]

Does anyone else feel this way. This pregnancy just seems so unreal to me. I have never felt this way before and I don't like it. I wonder if the reason I feel so detached is from fear. My daily emotional stress is so high that I wonder if the baby will be ok. I just want to be attached to my baby.

Me too.

I felt like such a pregnant goddess with my dd. It was like pregnancy and the baby was *all* that existed, kwim?

This time, I honest to goodness forget I'm pg some days. Until I suddenly feel queasy, and I'm like WTF?

I'm hoping as I get bigger it'll start to be more real.

Totally hearing everyone else on stress, etc. My dp is working out of province for the summer; gone four - six weeks, home for one. We just purchased our first home last November, and all the bills, work, etc. is falling to me.

It's mind boggling sometimes. I'm looking forward to autumn when he'll be home, dd is starting JK and I have part time classes. Maybe then I can focus on me a bit more.

[f&p'smama]

Yeah, I feel pretty detached, too, and I don't like it. I've been thinking about, I don't know how to put it other than technical aspects about this baby, such as how and where and with whom the baby will be born, but I haven't felt connected to an actual human who is growing inside of me. I've seen the baby on ultrasound, seen it move and have felt it here and there. I've got the belly.

For me, honestly, I think it's that I am somewhat ambivalent about having another child. I want this baby, but I am also really scared about what it will be like with my two wild monkeys plus a newborn. I am so connected to my girls, it's hard to imagine having someone new take something away from them. I know a sibling gives a lot, too, but the reality is, they're going to get less Mommy.

Also, our twins are from IVF and were conceived after trying and trying and trying to have a baby and this happened on its own, making it seem somewhat less real.

I don't like feeling like this either -- I was aware every second that I was pregnant with twins & I sometimes forget about this baby.

[kittywitty]

Me, too. This was completely unexpected. I had morning sickness, I am feeling movement, it felt real when I had the u/s...but it's still so strange and it doesn't feel real most of the time.

I have placenta previa and my midwife has been a bit scary about it not being viable yet, etc., so I think that I am kind of detaching myself with everything we are going through because I have been so concerned about losing the baby. Does that make sense?

[crsta33]

I feel detached and ambivalent about the pregnancy and even possibly about the baby. We found out today that it's a boy and I so wanted another girl. DD is disappointed too...she wanted a sister. I'm trying to look at positives, and there are plenty, and I know I will love the baby. But today, I'm feeling sad and disappointed and I felt detached during the ultrasound, even before she said it was a boy.

I worry so much b/c I didn't want to be pg...but I never want this child to think he wasn't wanted.

Christa

[HappyFox05]

Now that I've started to pooch out a little (well, a lot), it seems a lot more real to me. Prior to, say, a few weeks ago, I daily had to remind myself that I was pregnant.

My stress is high too. I'm trying to take some time in the evening to find something to laugh at. That seems to help me sleep, & I'm sure it's good for both of us.

[cravenab00]

i can relate to this. Mostly because, this pregnancy is still a secret. NO ONE knows. just a couple select friends.
My family sucks. They have done nothing but criticize me with the announcement of every pregnancy. Its always "your insane" "stop having kids, so you can go back to work" " stop having kids so you can have a life"
etc....
Not to mention, i dont want to deal with the "dont try to kill yourself this time, have the baby at a hospital!"

So we just decided, not to tell anyone this time. I dont need the negative energy around me.

Also, i look around my house at the chaos, and i'm thinking, how in the world will i fit another child into this? As excited as I am about this baby, part of me is really scared. I am starting medical transcription school in less than a month, we NEED more income than just my DHs. My DH is a full time nurse, and the wage he gets is truely shameful. Damn near everyone we know did not go to college, and they make twice what he does.
I'm overwhelmed.

[zjande]

Originally Posted by zoesmummy

Me too.

I felt like such a pregnant goddess with my dd. It was like pregnancy and the baby was *all* that existed, kwim?

This time, I honest to goodness forget I'm pg some days. Until I suddenly feel queasy, and I'm like WTF?

This is exactly how I have been feeling, too. And I feel so so very weirdly guilty about it!! I mean, with my last baby, I was so over the top with absolute excitement & joy & just radiated gratitude that I was getting to do this baby having thing again (I had recently divorced & thought I'd never get to do it again), & it was just about all I ever thought about. But now, I too forget that I'm even pregnant!

We planned this pregnancy, I'm extremely happy that we're having another baby, & I really have no stress in life. Everything is pretty much perfect. So WHY do I feel so much more detached than in my last pregnancy??? I totally don't get it.

Now that the baby is moving regularly, & I suddenly feel it squirming around even when I'm not thinking about it, I am definitely feeling like I'm slowly coming around & feeling those bonding feelings I think I felt with my last baby like the moment the sperm entered my body. And the couple times I've felt this baby with my hand from the outside have been magical- it's almost like I'm touching my new baby. I know the bonding feelings will come to me, but it's bizarre that's it didn't happen instantly like last time.

I LOVE hearing from you all that you feel similarly. I feel SO weird about it.

[mama_b]

Yes, I have felt that way the whole time because I've been afraid of losing my baby. You are not alone.