Help!! Situation with my mom and a bounced check

[KentuckyDoulaMama]

My mom sent me a check to purchase items for my dd's bday earlier this month. I deposited it, the amount was credited to my acct & I purchased the items.
On the 12th the bank took out the amount from my account due to the check from my mom bouncing.

I didnt have the whole amount they took out in my account which made it in the negative. After that, a whole bunch of items went through my account over the weekend which, of course, all bounced.

My account is now 650.95 in the negative.
Its a $35.00 fee for each bounced item plus a fee for the check that bounced from my mom plus a daily fee assessed for each day the account is in the negative. I got the bad check in the mail yesterday.

As a result we are driving around on no car insurance as it is taken out electronically and it bounced. Our rent check is going to bounce anytime now too.

My mom, to her credit, is VERY stressed caring for my stepdad who is dying by herself and was placed on Hospice care last week.
I can see how she got things screwed up BUT it really caused a huge problem for me when the check didnt clear.

I emailed her about it and got a response today. Basically she apologized, said if my bank would have put it through twice, it would have cleared (I think they did) that she is very stressed and overwhelmed with caring for my stepdad and she didnt make a deposit to the bank on time.
She said she would resend me a check for the amount of the bday money.

Okay......well, the issue is so much more than just the money for the birthday stuff being reimbursed!!!!!

I explained in detail in my email about how it had bounced our account and everything afterward, the $35 fee for each item bounced after that, the fee for the bounced check from her, ect.....

Am I wrong for being upset? There is NO WAY in the world we can come up with the money to get our account out of the hole. No way.
Its hard enough right now just paying the basic bills and buying groceries, my mom knows this.

I expected her to tell me she would reimburse me the cost of all of the fees we acquired in the account once her check made it all bounce.

They took the amount out of our account on Thursday, we had a paycheck direct deposit on Friday. However we had no idea the amount was taken out on Thursday and wrote checks and used the credit/debit check card all weekend, meanwhile it was all to bounce.

I dont know what to say to her next.

P.S. my husband has no idea.....he is going to hit the roof, big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[phatchristy]

You need to call your bank. Likely, if you have a good history with them, they should at least waive/credit those fees.

I would try that first. Also...I would seriously be worried about cashing a check from her again.

And, yes, you SHOULD be upset! I would be.

[starry_mama]

Seriously - call your bank. They will waive the fees. Insist that they waive them, in fact. You are a customer and there was a mistake made that WASN'T your fault.

[thriftyqueen]

When I was in high school something like this happened to me. I went to the bank and explained the situation. I was a wreck about it and they waived the fees. I think they also helped me contact some of the stores where the checks had bounced and got some of those fees waived.

I hope you can get this resolved quickly. I know how you are feeling and it is not a fun place to be. Hopefully your mom will reimburse you for any fees you end up having.

[KentuckyDoulaMama]

Called the bank. Spoke to manager, no luck. :

Should I ask her to pay all of the fees? Gosh, I dont want to cause I feel guilty for bugging her about this while she's taking care of my dying stepdad but at the same time we are in a *really* bad spot here.

ETA: I know she has the $$ to reimburse me the fees as she inherited my grandpas estate last year when he passed, she will have a fit though!

[starry_mama]

Well, when this is all straightened out, you should switch banks. That is ridiculous. This was OBVIOUSLY not your fault. I can't believe they won't waive the fees!

[caricandothis]

Oh I have so been there. Bank fees on bounced checks make me ill. And I just got the mail and noticed those all too familiar envelopes in there again...

But anyway, if I were you, I'd totally call the bank and beg, plead, cry, whatever for them to reverse the fees. They can and they will (or so I've heard, ours have always been our fault so we haven't tried) if you can prove (which you can) that it wasn't your fault.

I'm so sorry, mama. I hope you can get this resolved. As for your mom...I really don't know what to tell you about that. Maybe wait to see if you can get the fees reversed and then see what your gut tells you to do?

[Sheal]

There are two things I would do in your shoes...

1. get your mom to write a letter to at least the insurance company stating the problem that occurred (maybe your landlord as well) and is in the process of being rectified.

2. Ask her, in the most polite of ways possible, to cover the fees. It's her responsibility because she bounced the check (and from what I am reading it seems it bounced twice or am I wrong?)

I am all for trusting family when it comes to finances and what not but I expect that a family member would rectify a problem if it came down to it. It doesn't have to be a nasty situation, adults should be able to come to an agreement in this type of situation. It happens, it was accidental but now it's her responsibility to fix the mistake.

Sheal

BTW: Never heard of a bank being so hard arsed about something that isn't someone's fault for a third party bounced check. I'd call back and ask for a supervisor or manager and tell them to waive the fees and send them off to the bank your mom deals with. Not ask, demand. Then switch banks too. That's nuts.

Even if your mom would get ticked I think you still should ask for a letter for your landlord and insurance company. That's the least she could do for you. If she has the money I don't see why she wouldn't want to rectify the situation that she caused? That doesn't seem very fair at all, it's only natural to ask for the person who caused the mistake (as innocent as it is) to fix it. Wouldn't she want you to do the same if it were the reverse of the situation?

[choli]

I always wait for a check to clear (apart from my paychecks) before using the money. You can ask your mother to cover the fees, but it's not really her fault. If she can afford it, I'm sure she would prefer to help you out, though.

[blessed]

Originally Posted by Sheal

Ask her, in the most polite of ways possible, to cover the fees. It's her responsibility because she bounced the check..

Actually, no. At least not from a legal standpoint, and not from the standpoint of the bank.

You should never write checks which are drawing on funds that haven't cleared yet. That's basic management of a checking account, and is also supported by the law. OP would not be able to recover any of these charges from her mother in court, if she tried.

[KentuckyDoulaMama]

Originally Posted by Sheal

2. Ask her, in the most polite of ways possible, to cover the fees. It's her responsibility because she bounced the check (and from what I am reading it seems it bounced twice or am I wrong?)

I dont know how to word it.....
"thanks for sending me another check for the birthday money but what about the hundreds of dollars in fees this caused?"

I'm kind of amazed she didnt offer in the first place.

BTW, the amount was credited to my account the next day, I thought that meant it did clear? I didnt realize they would credit it to your account before it cleared, especially since its an out of state check. It was credited to my available balance, rather than just sitting in my account balance.

[Caneel]

A former banker

I worked at a bank for 7 years and my advice is to keep riding their butts. If you don't get any satisfaction with the branch manager, ask for the email and phone number of the next in line and contact them.

At the bank I worked at, things like this happened all the time.

The branch managers hands are tied because they are likely held accountable for all waived fees (meaning it is a mark against their branch profitability if they waive the fee as the bank looks at that as lost income.)

Often, when someone squawked loud enough and it got noticed at the next level, all fees would get waived. Sometimes they would compromise and just charge the first day's fee.

Call as well as put your request in writing. If possible, copy the bank's
customer service department. (Check the bank's website as you may be able to find the email address of the customer service area)

Getting as many eyes on your request as possible is the key.

Keep your email short and to the point. Give them the facts, including your years of history with the institution (good account standing and the like) and tell them you would like to see at least all but the first overdraft fee reversed.

Good luck and keep at it! I would be happy to help with any questions you may have.

[MissMommyNiceNice]

I actually had this happen with a paycheck!

I'm sorry your situation is so bad! Is there someone else at the bank to talk to? A teller you know well? Someone you know outside the bank on a social level? I think actually going in will be your best bet. Go to your best "bank friend" and explain the situation. In person, it is a lot harder to say no. Bring the baby. Look sad, explain dying "dad" someone will feel sorry and fix it for you. When I have trouble with the bank branch I normally go to, I often find if I go back to the branch where I opened the account, I get better results. In my bank corp, the opening branch essentially "owns" your accounts and makes decisions.

Good luck, momma! Do you have any ebayable items? Emergency Yardsale? My heart breaks for you!

[Sheal]

Originally Posted by KentuckyDoulaMama

I dont know how to word it.....
"thanks for sending me another check for the birthday money but what about the hundreds of dollars in fees this caused?"

I'm kind of amazed she didnt offer in the first place.

BTW, the amount was credited to my account the next day, I thought that meant it did clear? I didnt realize they would credit it to your account before it cleared, especially since its an out of state check. It was credited to my available balance, rather than just sitting in my account balance.

It only bounced once then. What happens is when it's debited (taken out of) your mom's account it is then credited (put in) yours, giving you the balance of the account and the amount of fluid cash that is usable (as opposed to cash that is either on hold or say invested and cannot be accessed). When it bounced then it flips the above, it was debited from your account back into her account and then both of you were hit with NSF (non sufficient funds) charges.

On the topic of asking her to cover all the other fees, this is how I would ask my mom (and she's the same way your mom is for things like this):

Mom, I know the bounced the check was an accident but it really put us in a situation that made it very difficult on us. I know you are going through a very rough time with "person's name" and him being sick. I have a bunch of fees on my account now that I cannot cover because of the bounced check and would really appreciate it if you could please write up a letter for both my insurance company and landlord about the bounced check and that you could cover the fees from the bounced check. I really appreciate your offer to cover the birthday money and I am really proud of you for offering. I feel that I am asking for something very reasonable here and appreciate the fact that I can come to you comfortably and ask you to help correct the problem. Thanks mom for being so reasonable about this.

With my mom, even if it's blatantly her fault (and even on purpose) we tend to redirect the blame and suggest it's her suggestion (do I make sense?). She's just the type that needs that nudge and needs to think it came from her rather than being demanded from her...

[mightymoo]

I agree about riding the bank and I also would focus on the fact that you waited until the funds appeared as the available balance before withdrawing them so it is THEIR fault.

[shelbean91]

If the bank won't waive the fees, then yes, your mom should pay. Especially if it won't cause her a hardship but it will you. Maybe see if the bank will waive 1/2 the charges adn have mom pay the rest?

[1growingsprout]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you need to refer to your banks policy. Generally out of state checks take quite a bit of time to clear, the bank may release the funds based on your account history with them but checks can bounce upto 30 days after deposit. Ive worked in the legal dept of a bank as well as DH. Your bank will have a deposit policy and funds availabiltiy policy which is what the branch is required to go by.
Banks now also charge a daily fee for having a negative balance, i know that just makes the problem worse.
I would ask your mom to cover the fees and bills ASAP.

Im sorry this happened and I hope it gets fixed soon.

[blueridgewoman]

Yes, the bank will release the funds to your account since there's no hold on small amounts. So the bank assumes the check will clear, basically, sort of "loans" you the money and then pays themselves back with the actual amount from the check's bank, if that makes sense.

However, bouncing once-- I've never known a bank not to put it through at least once more before you get the big NSF letter. It doesn't make much sense.

[xmysticprincessx]

i'm surprised noone mentioned getting overdraft protection in case something like this happens again.
i'd keep bugging the bank to refund the overdraft fees.

[Naturalyst]

Originally Posted by blueridgewoman

Yes, the bank will release the funds to your account since there's no hold on small amounts. So the bank assumes the check will clear, basically, sort of "loans" you the money and then pays themselves back with the actual amount from the check's bank, if that makes sense.

However, bouncing once-- I've never known a bank not to put it through at least once more before you get the big NSF letter. It doesn't make much sense.

:

I deal with a large bank and still have been able to have fees waived. So, I agree that it might be time to do some bank shopping. Ask people you know about their experiences with their bank and, once you decide upon a bank, make an effort to get to know the manager or the assistant manager so that you have a person who knows you by name, should you need help in the future.

From what you've said, your mom's generally distractedness might have allowed that what you said about the fees didn't register. And, obviously, you are uncomfortable about asking her, directly, to cover them. So, how about asking her to "loan" you the money to cover the fees, stressing that you are not otherwise able to bring your account current and checks are continuing to bounce as a result. If she doesn't jump-in at that point and offer to give you that money, then consider that she might not have it to give. Is it possible that she's short on money herself?