S/O: How to let a Doula know you have chosen someone else...

[sunshine's mama]

So, I've interviewed a few doulas..clicked with all of them...some more than others. Have 1 last meeting this week and then will make my decsion...

All of them I've met with so far have been great..I felt comfortable with all of them and the interviews went well....

Doula A I think is more technical than I think I will need...more advocate type than the hands on I know I am going to need. We met in my home. She was very informative and to the point and it was a very comfortable meeting. She is also going on vacation a few days after my due date so I would end up with her back up (whom I haven't met yet, not someone I interviewed bc her rate was $$$$$$$) if I went past the EDD.

Doula B I think may be too hands on for what I am looking for but I felt a nice comfortable warmth while we chatted and although she was just as informative it wasn't so direct......We met in my home.

Doula C I think may not be hands on enough...but seems to be a decent mix of both Doula A and B but I just didn't feel as comfortable with her.....We met outside my home and had a casual lunch so maybe that's why.....I don't know....

Doula D I met with, liked alot but her children came and ran through the house and she didn't do much about it and it was too distracting. She was really nice though...We won't be using her.

The last person I am meeting with this week....we've had some nice talks and chats and such......

I did meet with another briefly and we clicked really really well but she is more of a homebirth doula and although I am open to the idea, I don't believe Dh is open to it at all and I don't think I have the energy to wage that battle with him with 6wks to go and then find a homebirth MW and all that cost.....but she seemed to come across as more of a homebirth kinda gal....

I just don't know how to choose.....I thought it would be easier...and who knows, the doula I meet with this week may just be THE ONE......I just know I need to come to a decsion soon so I am not either holding someone up or lose the one I really want bc I was all floppy trying to decide and took too long....

SO, in this post that got longer than I planned for....I spose I have 2 questions...

A) How to choose and narrow down....
B) How to let the ones I don't choose know.....not really good at that....I always feel bad....

It doesn't help that they all work together out of the same local organization...

TIA if you are still reading......

[BensMamacita]

As for deciding, you should go with your gut instinct. Who makes you feel the most comfortable?
And, they are all professionals, and they will understand when you say "thank you for meeting with me, but I've decided to go with another doula."

[sunshine's mama]

thanks....

my gut likes 2 of them more than the rest.....almost as equally.....just need to sit down and figure out what i am using for the difference in my brain.....

i have a hard time deciding what to have for dinner........

[mamallama]

What does your partner think? Ultimately, I think it should be up to you, but if you're having trouble choosing, it might help to get his opinion.

[crsta33]

When I was interviewing midwives during my last pg, I wrote and mailed a thank you note to the ones I didn't choose. I wasn't comfortable calling. I talked to one later and she said she really appreciated the note. Which is cool since she did some backup care for the midwife I did end up using and now they are partners which means she will be at this birth.

Christa

[sunshine's mama]

what a great idea.....and i make homemade notecards to boot!!!! thanks so much!!!!!!

dh likes the ones i like for the same reasons.....

waiting to make the decsion until i meet this last one this week bc she may be the tiebreaker!!!

thanks so much!!!

[1stimestar]

You could ask for references. Pick those that you feel the most comfortable and ask. I have a list of previous clients from a variety of types of births that have given me permission to give their contact info out for those clients wanting references. I also have some fantastic dads who are willing to chat with prospective clients, namely the dads.

And yes, please do let the ones whom you don't choose know that you have decided on someone else. Thank them for their time in meeting you. You can let them know that it was a difficult choice if it was. You don't have to give a reason but it does help us to know how we can improve.

[tinyshoes]

I think it's easier to tell a doula to be more hands-off, than to expect a hands-off style doula to all-of-a-sudden become more hands on, if, during labor, you decide you need that.

An important part of being a doula is providing the woman with continuity of care....of course, we all have lives outside of doula-ing, and vacations happen, and we arrange back-up, but there is something so reassuring about knowing that Your Doula will be ready for you, when you are ready to have your baby.

Let your interviewees know asap if you are not going to choose their services--I know I would not take it personally, and a quick phonecall or email or note stating the obvious: thank you for your time, we've decided to choose a different doula, we were glad to have met you.