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Parents who do things differently (no "sigh")

post #1 of 235
Thread Starter 
There is another mommy in DS's school who has 3 kids. The kids are all well-adjusted and she's a caring mommy.

However, there are certain things she does that really irks me:

She send the kids (even the 18 m.o.) to school with pure junk i.e. instead of normal applesauce, she sends berry berry swirl applesauce with lots of artificial colors, etc. (And that is hardly the worst). Her toddler guzzles bottle after bottle of apple juice all day. You get the idea.

Well, it's hardly surprising that with eating habits like that, all the kids have weight problems (the mom doesn't).

And today, I saw her loading up the baby into the car with a carseat that was clearly very old and was the kind with the pull-down bar - you know, the ones that meet minimum safety standards, but most experts don't consider these safe anymore? (I think it's called an overhead shield).

Am being too judgmental? What do you do?

I am thinking of gently speaking with the mother about the carseat, but I won't touch the kids diet with a 10-foot pole.
post #2 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavelamomela View Post
There is another mommy in DS's school who has 3 kids. The kids are all well-adjusted and she's a caring mommy.
If her kids are happy and well-adjusted and her carseat does meet safety standards what exactly, is the problem?
post #3 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavelamomela View Post
Am being too judgmental?

Yes, you are.
post #4 of 235
I wouldn't touch the diet issues. I learn best from other people when I see from their example, not from them trying to tell me how to do something. On the other hand, I think that you could safely mention that her carseat only meets the minimal standards and that there are better ones out there for just as little money (if there are). I actually quite like it when people tell me about good products that I can buy.
post #5 of 235
Thread Starter 
The annoying part is that when she sends junk to school, all the kids share and me (and all the other mommies) hate when our kids get such junk.

I guess this is just one of those things that we can't do anything about...
post #6 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavelamomela View Post
Am being too judgmental?
Put yourself in her shoes: if you found out that she was posting on the internet about what an uptight parent you are, would you mind? What if she said something like, "her kids are happy and well-adjusted, but she lets them sleep in her bed! And they never get to drink juice. With habits like that, it's hardly surprising that her kids aren't like the other kids at school."

Would that bother you?
post #7 of 235
Yeah too judgmental IMO.
post #8 of 235
Yeah, I think you'll have to leave that one alone. I don't use one now, but I really loved my pull down car seat when my 7 year old was a baby. Come to think of it, I have a friend that I saw put her daughter in one just yesterday. I would never, EVER, criticize her parenting because I know that she's good where it counts.

Just bite your tongue and improve your own parenting...there's got to be SOME room for improvement, right?

Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)
post #9 of 235
She probably thinks she *is* feeding her kids healthy stuff... you know, applesauce and juice, instead of twinkies and cokes.
post #10 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavelamomela View Post
There is another mommy in DS's school who has 3 kids. The kids are all well-adjusted and she's a caring mommy.

However, there are certain things she does that really irks me:

She send the kids (even the 18 m.o.) to school with pure junk i.e. instead of normal applesauce, she sends berry berry swirl applesauce with lots of artificial colors, etc. (And that is hardly the worst). Her toddler guzzles bottle after bottle of apple juice all day. You get the idea.

Well, it's hardly surprising that with eating habits like that, all the kids have weight problems (the mom doesn't).

And today, I saw her loading up the baby into the car with a carseat that was clearly very old and was the kind with the pull-down bar - you know, the ones that meet minimum safety standards, but most experts don't consider these safe anymore? (I think it's called an overhead shield).

Am being too judgmental? What do you do?

I am thinking of gently speaking with the mother about the carseat, but I won't touch the kids diet with a 10-foot pole.

In regards to the carseat, maybe she can't afford a better one?
As for the diet, I see your point, but why is the DC provider/teacher allowing food sharing to go on? This could be dangerous if dood allergies are present in any child and it simply isn't sanitary. Skip the mom and go straight to the teacher. Food, no matter how healthy, should not be shared among preschool friends.
post #11 of 235
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by siennasmom View Post
Put yourself in her shoes: if you found out that she was posting on the internet about what an uptight parent you are, would you mind? What if she said something like, "her kids are happy and well-adjusted, but she lets them sleep in her bed! And they never get to drink juice. With habits like that, it's hardly surprising that her kids aren't like the other kids at school."

Would that bother you?
nope.:

But I do see your point.

There are issues, and then there are ISSUES. This is not one.
post #12 of 235
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
In regards to the carseat, maybe she can't afford a better one?
As for the diet, I see your point, but why is the DC provider/teacher allowing food sharing to go on? This could be dangerous if dood allergies are present in any child and it simply isn't sanitary. Skip the mom and go straight to the teacher. Food, no matter how healthy, should not be shared among preschool friends.
I agree, but these kids are 2 y.o. They share - it's very hard to stop.

And there is a no-peanut rule.
post #13 of 235
Yes, IMHO you are being too judgmental. You say her children are happy and well adjusted, so I really dont think you have anything to criticize. She may be raising her kids differently from you, but we are all entitled to our own choices as far a childrearing so long as our children are happy, healthy and well-adjusted in the end.

About the carseat.. they do still make them like that, and while it wouldnt be your choice, as long as its not expired I dont think you have a right to criticize her.. Maybe money is an issue and it was given to her as a gift?

And about the food choices.. I can think of whole lot worse items she could be feeding her kids.. like kool-aid, ho-hos instead of applesauce and juice. They are her kids and be glad she's feeding them.. some kids arent even that fortunate.
post #14 of 235
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SativaStarr View Post

And about the food choices.. I can think of whole lot worse items she could be feeding her kids.. like kool-aid, ho-hos instead of applesauce and juice. They are her kids and be glad she's feeding them.. some kids arent even that fortunate.
She gives them that too!

I was just using the applesauce as an example, because instead of buying normal regular applesauce, she buys the super-artificial kind.

...forget it.
post #15 of 235
I don't think there is anything you can do.

If she didn't have a carseat then I'd really be concerned.
post #16 of 235
If my son was being exposed to artificial colors, which affect his quality of life, at school, I would ask the school to change policy. I would provide them with some of the research on the food colorings and benzoate preservatives and help them write a letter to give to all parents about the necessity of keeping this stuff out of food sent to school that might be shared with other children.
post #17 of 235
Oh please. I think if you hadn't asked "Am I being too judgmental?" people would have been all over this thread agreeing with you. I'm sure most would also advise you not to say anything, definitely about the food, maybe on the carseat. I might think about telling the mom that the overhead shield seat is out of date, and did you know WalMart sells a good carseat called the Cosco Scenera for $40.

I think all of us can be judgmental in our own heads. It's only when we talk about it out loud (or post online) that it becomes a problem.
post #18 of 235
I think you are being to judgemental, but no more than I would be honestly.

I wouldn't say anything about it, but I would bring up in conversation how I love the fact that there are so many food options for kids now that we just didn't see as much a few years ago. Isn't it great that they have the natural organic applesauce in the little containers now, I love that I'm not feeding my kids extra sugar or fake colors. It isn't calling her out on it, but maybe educating her a little

And I judge other peoples parenting all the time, I think we all do. There is a difference between disapproving of the way that someone does something, and calling them out on it though.
post #19 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendy1221 View Post
Oh please. I think if you hadn't asked "Am I being too judgmental?" people would have been all over this thread agreeing with you.
I don't think so -- I've noticed a major trend that when people come here to tsk tsk about the way someone else is parenting, pretty much everyone steps in and calls out the OP on being judgemental.

You're right that most people here probably *don't* think that the best way to parent is to feed junk food and use cheap carseats, but that doesn't mean they have to join in on condemning someone else for doing so. I mean, what can people really say? "Oh, what a bad mom! I'm glad we're not like her!"
post #20 of 235
Ah, to worry about stuff like this....:

My 3.5 y.o. (who has a feeding disorder and autism, among other things...) eats that fruity applesauce. We're thrilled. We can mix his enzymes in it. It's something that's sort of got texture to it (as in not a smooth puree...which take up about 50% of his diet...) and he actually eats it! Willingly!

When you're dropping wads of cash...as in 5 digits...every year out of pocket to pay for stuff like therapy and weighted blankets, etc., you really don't sweat about stuff like "omg, is this applesauce organic and dye free?" Who cares. Bigger fish to fry, much more important stuff to worry about in the universe.

Priorities. Gotta love 'em.
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