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Parents who do things differently (no "sigh") - Page 7

post #121 of 235
Look at the title. Yes, you are being judgmental, not to mention... get over yourself, please. "Low standards"? Good gravy.

However, if you feel like being judgmental you will always be in very good company. There's nothing moms like to do more than point out how the other moms are doing it all wrong. :
post #122 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowMom View Post
Look at the title. Yes, you are being judgmental, not to mention... get over yourself, please. "Low standards"? Good gravy.

However, if you feel like being judgmental you will always be in very good company. There's nothing moms like to do more than point out how the other moms are doing it all wrong. :
You know, now that you mention it... the title is exactly the reason why I got defensive over this post. The thread title is very offending and judgmental. Especially given that we're talking about apple sauce and apple juice.

post #123 of 235
I saw the thread title for a few days and decided not to click on it. I figured it was another sad story of parents abusing or neglecting their children.

I just finished reading every page....

I agree with the majority of posters who are a little put off by the thread title and assumptions made about the other Mom.

There have been so many times in life and Motherhood, when I'm just doing the best I can. If someone approached me to point out what was wrong with my actions, it might have been the last straw.

OP: Your thread title asked people, WWYD? Your OP asked for opinions. You now have over 120 responses with varying opinions. I hope you don't feel attacked for people doing what you asked.
post #124 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
Well....I didn't say anything about this at first, because I always seem to be the only mama who cares about kids running around with food.

My kids were raised to eat sitting nicely. They don't have to be quiet or solemn, but they were not allowed to run around, lie down, or be raucous during meal/snack times. I would expect the same rules at daycare.

Honestly, I think the odds of a kid choking on their food is higher than being hurt by an old-fashioned carseat.
2tadpoles, I know this is off topic but how do you accomplish this? I ask only because my DS loves to walk around and eat... He walks all around the house eating (raisans, animal crackers, goldfish and pretzles and "sharing" his snack with the dog... If he has to sit and eat he often will not eat (I think he gets bored sitting to eat). Anyway, do you have any tips for 'raising children to sit and eat nicely"? TIA
post #125 of 235
raising "happy well adjusted" kids is SO much more of an accomplishment than raising kids who only put "good" food in their mouths or who never use a swear word. i might ask her how she gets her kids to live their lives well and in harmony with others. if she feeds them lots of junk she's probably busy.

of course, i'm always feeling like i fall short on both counts so i might ask you for some advice too there were times in my life where i just bought the kiddo something frozen so that i could play with him at all in a day. some mothers don't have low standards but all of us only have 24 hours in a day!
post #126 of 235
Yep it annoys me. Sorry they're "ripping you a new one".

It also irks me when parents are so lax when it comes to car seats.
post #127 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by m9m9m9 View Post
Sure, go ahead and tell a mom with 3 small kids she is doing it all wrong. After all you have 1 kid and you know all about parenting.
post #128 of 235
Also - the idea that we "right-minded" moms would like to do something about other people's parenting is a little, ummm, I don't know, judgey?

Have we beat this horse to death yet?http://www.mothering.com/discussions...lies/winky.gif
post #129 of 235
I'm usually the 1st one to judge, lol, but you're going too far. Geesh! Cut her some slack.
post #130 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowMom View Post
Look at the title. Yes, you are being judgmental, not to mention... get over yourself, please. "Low standards"? Good gravy.

However, if you feel like being judgmental you will always be in very good company. There's nothing moms like to do more than point out how the other moms are doing it all wrong. :
Wonderful post!!!! Totally agree!!!
post #131 of 235
Well... carp!!! I consider myself to be fairly well educated. We used a carseat with an overhead shield up to a couple of weeks ago. It is 5 years old. My oldest used it, then my younger one. I know they still sell them here, so I didnt really think about it. ( I find them annoying to use though) We have been car free for about 8 months now and use a car share once a week. My oldest son just turned six and just hit the 40 pound mark, so we bought him a booster seat. Our old vehicle only had lap belts,. We werent quite sure what to get for him as all of the boosters I have seen require a shoulder belt... ( and we didnt know if we would be able to just fix the vehicle we had or get somthing else)now that we know our new vehicle will have them we switched the carseats over. Even the other" good" seat we have is probably considered to be really crappy here and close to its expiry date.
I " knew" that there are really good seats out there. I didnt open any of the threads about carseats after a while to be honest. I couldn't afford any of the seats that are recommended as a " must" around here... let alone two!!! I didn't want to get myself all wound up about it! In my neighbourhood though, we have some of the better carseats around! ( shield and all!) Except one other mama... who is an MDC mama! So, no, it isnt rocket science.... I dont know why I feel all defensive!!! But some people are just plodding through thier day to day doiing the best they can!
post #132 of 235
OP, I agree with the other posts that say the thread title is perhaps inflammatory.

I guess I'll just start over and say this:

--I don't think it's okay to judge individuals. You usually don't know their situation, such as in this case. Sometimes it's hard and we judge anyway, as evidenced by the millions of MDC posts about SILs or MILs who love sleep training and formula, who would never nurse because their breasts are for their husbands, and had elective c-sections so they could "stay tight down there". I think the rolleyes face was made for these posts.

--I think it's totally fine to judge foods and their quality, regardless of whether others eat them or not, and whether they feel defensive that you would not eat some of the same foods they eat.

--I think it's fine to judge a society by what food it finds acceptable. I do this with the fact that our society accepts formula and bottle feeding as a default (regardless of individual situations, some of which warrant formula feeding), and continues the trend of artificial junk throughout the rest of people's lives. To me the situations are parallel, but the humans are older. In the same way mamas rail against default formula feeding I rail against feeding children after they are weaned the same oils, sugars, flavors, dried milk, synthetic vitamins, preservatives, etc. found in formulas. I think the default food given to children in our society is sad. Sometimes it's warranted (like formula is) for health and economic reasons but for the most part it's just the unexamined default. As a society that we've been misled and removed from our nature (like formula companies do to us) by being told we should eat these foods. And I'm not apologetic about feeling that way, although I would never say that aloud to anyone whose situation I didn't know well.

So, IMO, since you asked, I do think you're being judgemental. Judge the food and the society, but not this particular mama. It's not snobby or judgmental to think this food is junk. The phrase "junk food" has become so overused it fails to register anymore. And I'll throw in my unsolicited advice to not say things to people because as you've seen (even before I chimed in earlier) people can get quite defensive about food.
post #133 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by avent View Post
So, IMO, since you asked, I do think you're being judgemental. Judge the food and the society, but not this particular mama. It's not snobby or judgmental to think this food is junk. The phrase "junk food" has become so overused it fails to register anymore. And I'll throw in my unsolicited advice to not say things to people because as you've seen (even before I chimed in earlier) people can get quite defensive about food.
ITA with the above. And would add, no matter how well you think you hide it, when you've got the attitude of "Oh, sigh, here let me FIX you" it shows through loud and clear. Really.

I think some people *can* mention food things, ect. and make a difference, but it tends to be the people who first care about the individual person or are able to remain neutral. Just based on the tone of the OP, I would say that probably nothing said is going to make an impact on this individual. I think that probably you could make a case for stricter policing on sharing. If you work with the school on that, you'll be doing them a huge favor in the long run...because sweet as the teacher is, if she doesn't bother to watch out for that then that might prove fatal to a kiddo with allergies or uncomfortable to one with sensitivities.

And if you hold a carseat fair, which I think is an awesome idea, hopefully some of the people who have safer carseats that have been rendered only partially effective because of incorrect installation will get corrections to things that could be similarly injurious but are less obvious.

Both of those things will take considerably more time and energy and effort than tsking at an individual mama, but I hope the OP will consider doing them...because they'd benefit the school community as a whole, and would take care of some of the problem without unnecessary hurt.
post #134 of 235
Well fiddlesticks...my ped recommended the over the head type for my escapee daughter. (It did work by the way) I had no clue that they were "sub-standard" And here I thought that I was doing it "ALL RIGHT"....lol

I know that we all judge but, I see people without kids in carseats all the time and it would thrill me if my only "complaint about my neighbors were their "low standards"
post #135 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama2Bug View Post
Dude. Word.
Maybe your kid will drink organic goat's milk and eat sprouted bread sandwiches. Lucky you..
: well, i'm lucky then. ds1 has been eating toasted alfalfa sprout sandwiches since he was 2 and will ask for them sometimes (when we're at the store, he'll ask if we can get sprouts so i can make sandwiches w/them)

eta i know that i'm lucky wrt this. my son enjoys junky food too, but he will eat more healthy foods than many children, so i'm blessed
post #136 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by avent View Post
--I think it's totally fine to judge foods and their quality, regardless of whether others eat them or not, and whether they feel defensive that you would not eat some of the same foods they eat.

--I think it's fine to judge a society by what food it finds acceptable. I do this with the fact that our society accepts formula and bottle feeding as a default (regardless of individual situations, some of which warrant formula feeding), and continues the trend of artificial junk throughout the rest of people's lives. To me the situations are parallel, but the humans are older. In the same way mamas rail against default formula feeding I rail against feeding children after they are weaned the same oils, sugars, flavors, dried milk, synthetic vitamins, preservatives, etc. found in formulas. I think the default food given to children in our society is sad. Sometimes it's warranted (like formula is) for health and economic reasons but for the most part it's just the unexamined default. As a society that we've been misled and removed from our nature (like formula companies do to us) by being told we should eat these foods. And I'm not apologetic about feeling that way, although I would never say that aloud to anyone whose situation I didn't know well.

So, IMO, since you asked, I do think you're being judgemental. Judge the food and the society, but not this particular mama. It's not snobby or judgmental to think this food is junk. The phrase "junk food" has become so overused it fails to register anymore. And I'll throw in my unsolicited advice to not say things to people because as you've seen (even before I chimed in earlier) people can get quite defensive about food.

:
post #137 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacquelineR View Post
: well, i'm lucky then. ds1 has been eating toasted alfalfa sprout sandwiches since he was 2 and will ask for them sometimes (when we're at the store, he'll ask if we can get sprouts so i can make sandwiches w/them)

eta i know that i'm lucky wrt this. my son enjoys junky food too, but he will eat more healthy foods than many children, so i'm blessed
I am NOT judging, I promise , but just as an FYI, sprouts can harbor salmonella and e. coli, and it's pretty much impossible to wash it off. I happen to love sprout sandwiches, too, but I'm too nervous to feed them to my kids. It's not a huge risk, but I am a big chicken when it comes to e. coli.
post #138 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by siennasmom View Post
I am NOT judging, I promise , but just as an FYI, sprouts can harbor salmonella and e. coli, and it's pretty much impossible to wash it off. I happen to love sprout sandwiches, too, but I'm too nervous to feed them to my kids. It's not a huge risk, but I am a big chicken when it comes to e. coli.
Is this possible to avoid if you sprout your own?

(Sprouts are pretty easy to produce.)
post #139 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryTheres View Post
2tadpoles, I know this is off topic but how do you accomplish this? I ask only because my DS loves to walk around and eat... He walks all around the house eating (raisans, animal crackers, goldfish and pretzles and "sharing" his snack with the dog... If he has to sit and eat he often will not eat (I think he gets bored sitting to eat). Anyway, do you have any tips for 'raising children to sit and eat nicely"? TIA
Disclaimer: My kids don't have eating issues of any sort. I understand in advance that my methods may not apply for those who have trouble getting food into their children. /disclaimer

We ate sitting at the table, and that's it. They weren't allowed to walk around with food, partly for safety reasons and partly because I preferred that their meal-mess be contained to one area.

When they were full (or otherwise bored of eating), they could leave the table and go play. We weren't the sorts who made the kids sit until everyone was finished. The food stayed at the table, and when everyone seemed to be done, the food was put away. This applied to snacks as well as meals.

The way I see it, is that if they are bored with eating, then they're not really hungry.

Now, when I say "sitting nicely," I don't mean prim and proper. My younger son is almost 12 and still has ants in his pants half the time. He would wiggle and squirm in his chair, and sometimes would eat standing at the table....but he'd still eat.
post #140 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklefairy View Post
Is this possible to avoid if you sprout your own?

(Sprouts are pretty easy to produce.)
Yes. It depends on what you grow them in and how you handle them, but you should be fine if you grow your own.
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