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Parents who do things differently (no "sigh") - Page 11

post #201 of 235
I absolutely do know crunchy birthers and bfers who let their kids have 'junk'. I wrote about my friend --with the gorgeous teenage daughter- earlier in the thread. That child nursed for over 5 yrs (This friend probably breastfed for toal of 19 years). Her kids ate lots of healthy foods, but she also bought plenty of un-naturally blue foods. She bought whatever the kids asked for.

She is in fact wealthy, and basically the kids put whatever they wanted in the grocery cart. When I first met her I was *shocked*. (How can she breastfeed that baby and then let her have gummy bears??!) If her kids lost one shoe, they didn't even have to find it. She'd buy them a new pair. It was crazy...I thought for sure the four of them would become criminals or something. The 18 yr old is the youngest, and her oldest is over 30. They are all fantastic people. Generous, kind, smart. Healthy, even.

I learned a lot from her, and my subsequent kids have benefitted.
post #202 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmlp View Post
Sigh. Can you just tell your friend that you don't approve of your own children eating sugar and artificial sweeteners and so her kids please stop offering them?
That seems about as reasonable as saying the OP should just teach her kids not to accept treats from others. The children are toddlers, and the parents are not there to intervene when the sharing is taking place. So what is the point in even talking with the other parent about the problem?

If this school has parents provide their children's snacks, then each parent has the right to do his/her own selection. It's on the teacher to make sure no sharing takes place, so any conversations about this need to happen with the teacher and director.

When I worked in childcare years ago, it was rare for parents to provide snacks unless there was a special party. Parents did send their children's breakfast cereal each morning, and no sharing ever happened with this. All other meals and snacks were provided by the center.

If it's too hard to monitor the sharing, then maybe this center needs to raise its fees and start providing all the food rather than having parents send any.
post #203 of 235
Thread Starter 

I changed the title of the thread.

Sorry for not posting this post earlier today when I made that change.

I kept the original post the same so that people can see the process of the thread.
post #204 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
We can never be friends :


:
post #205 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipmummy View Post
Take the Darwinian approach. "Survival of the fittest" Step back and worry about your own children.
Truly.

Unless kids are being abused or outright neglected, I don't interfere.

Also, to all you mamas of toddlers and infants....if MDC is still around in 12 or 15 years, pop in and tell us what your kids are eating. I don't know one teenager who gives a rat's butt about what's healthy. You can feed 'em all the organic fruit and homemade yogurt you want, but when they're at school, out with their friends, or visiting somewhere, they're going to eat what tastes good, even if it's full of corn syrup and Red 40. Because they believe they're invincible.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't give our kids healthful foods. Just that they will, at some point, make their own choices. Especially when they start to carry their own money. And when people are so concerned with someone else's preschooler eating blue applesauce, I can only imagine the heart attack that will ensue when their own darling child is chomping on Doritos and Dr. Pepper.
post #206 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by kidspiration View Post
let me get this straight.

in order to not come across as criticism/judgement, it is necessary to bring yourself to another person's level by being self-deprecating, and a little white lie in the face of a social interaction (ie...pretending to have given my child some sugar/artifical color etc laden food with a negative result) is all good.

what is it with this sugar coating and false humility. how is it truly humble and kind to yourself and others to put oneself down in order to not possibly hurt someone else's feelings. stating a fact without posturing is rude? i'm sorry, but this kind of insincerity and reverse judgement is something that i don't want my daughter to internalize as an acceptable social convention. i think it's entirely possible to be kind, humble and helpful without having to resort to the utter insincerity of telling lies about myself or being self-deprecating. isn't THAT the definition of true social grace and tact?

and it seems from the advice given here that what it means to be a tactful, socially graceful person is to be non-confrontational. what i'm hearing is that the op can think and vent about these things, but if she actually does anything about it on a personal level by approaching the other mother..she's JUDGEMENTAL. but if she goes to higher ups and organizes policy change regarding food at the school, and compels the powers that be to have a car seat safety check...then she's being a good little citizen and it attenuates her judgement because she's doing something for the greater benefit of her community.
when was the last time any of YOU did something like this? :

I love all of what you've said so far in this thread, Kidspiration...just wanted to say that. :

Maybe it's just a cultural difference or something but I really don't get why westerners/Americans take these type of comments between friends/acquaintences/whoever so seriously. Maybe I'm just used to the Asian style of everyone getting in your business so that it doesn't bother me. But I'm noticing a lot of "If someone said that to me, I'd be offended" stuff. Which I think leads people to be fake when they interact with others because they're always fearing to offend...what's so wrong with saying things directly and straightforward, no beating around the bush needed, no judgment implied?

Now if someone told me about the sugar thing, if I cared I'd be glad she informed me. If I didn't I'd just say, "Yeah I know there's a lot of sugar but at least she's eating something, ya know?" and forget about it.
post #207 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
Also, to all you mamas of toddlers and infants....if MDC is still around in 12 or 15 years, pop in and tell us what your kids are eating. I don't know one teenager who gives a rat's butt about what's healthy. You can feed 'em all the organic fruit and homemade yogurt you want, but when they're at school, out with their friends, or visiting somewhere, they're going to eat what tastes good, even if it's full of corn syrup and Red 40. Because they believe they're invincible.
*sigh*
Too true. DS1 used to take green pepper strips, pieces of kiwi fruit, broccoli florets, etc. to kindergarten as snacks. He loved them all, and would ask for them as treats.

Now? He's 14. If we had it in the house, I'm pretty sure he'd drink a 2 litre of pop every day. He ate 8 bags of Skittles on the ferry on his way to a gifted field trip. We do what we can, but he loves his junk...a lot.
post #208 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by poetesss View Post
Which I think leads people to be fake when they interact with others because they're always fearing to offend...what's so wrong with saying things directly and straightforward, no beating around the bush needed, no judgment implied?
See, I don't think that you either have to be in the other person's face OR fakey-fakey. I am a direct person, I don't beat around the bush with people. I also don't really censor my judgement either. However, I also acknowledge that when I am obviously looking down at someone or lecturing them that they're probably going to tell me to go UA violate myself, so really I'm bringing it up for my own benefit. Because I feel like I want to poke the bear, because what they're doing is a pet peeve of mine and I don't feel like just internalizing it and doing my zen breathing, because I'm feeling like a UA violation myself that day, or whatever.

It's cool to be blunt (at least I like to think so), but like everything else it's got consequences. To be blunt and then bat one's eyelashes behind "I was just trying to save the children" or "I just want to share my wealth of knowledge" oh my gracious why would anyone think I was being mean/nosy/judgemental is a tad facetious to me. That's part of the territory when you like telling things "like it is"...when you're wrong, or people disagree with you, they're likely to project it onto your bluntness and not give you any quarter.

It seems to me that in the original case though, the "judgement" was more than "implied".

And good gravy, it's always different with friends. A friend can go jiggle my kids' carseat straps all she likes. I might tell her to get out of the way so I can close the door, if I'm grumpy, but especially if that's just how she is...that's just how she is, and if she's my friend I love her and her faults just as she does mine.

If, however, some strange woman barges in and starts pawing my kids in their carseats in the middle of the parking lot, she's either going to be on her butt by the side of the car or going to have a complaint filed against her.

It's annoying but cute when a friend does it. Kind of weird and threatening if a stranger does it.
post #209 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
...so really I'm bringing it up for my own benefit. Because I feel like I want to poke the bear


I love your honesty!
post #210 of 235
I guess this whole thread just upsets me.. Im not any less caring of a parent because my kids eat white bread, american cheese, juice, fruit snacks, and canned foods. Sure, in a perfect world Id love to serve only organic, whole foods.. but guess what, My family wouldnt eat it.. and we cant afford it. Our grocery budget is $200 a month (food stamps) and that has to feed a family of 5! I cant change the fact that DH is super picky cuz he grew up on hamburger helper (HOW DARE HIS MOTHER???) and corn as a veggie. Our 5 yr old (whome we have temp. gaurdianship of) was raised on TV dinners and fast food.. try getting her to eat "healthy".. Id rather the child eat (even if its not the healthiest than waste a plate full of healthy food. Yes, I feed my kids fresh fruits and veggies, but they get grilled cheese, and pb&j too. Oh Ive even bought that "artificial" applesauce in question. Heck.. my kids even had sugar.. and guess what they are still HEALTHY! You can control what you feed YOUR child, but its unreasonable tyo expect everyone else to do the same.
post #211 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by SativaStarr View Post
I guess this whole thread just upsets me.. Im not any less caring of a parent because my kids eat white bread, american cheese, juice, fruit snacks, and canned foods.
I don't think you're any less caring of a parent.

A relative of mine is very, "oh my god, that mother sent cookies to school for snacktime!" and yet, when her son won't eat all his spinach, she tells him he'll never grow up to be big and strong...I don't get it, make him eat the healthiest of healthy, but warp his identity? Of course *I* would never poke that bear as ironic as I think it is.

We're all mothers with opinions to spout off and my toddler just doesn't seem very interested in mine. So here I am.

P.S. I dread the day my daughter is old enough to realize that my bowl is full of ice cream and hers is full of peas. She has already learned that crackers are not actually cookies. But wait, I guess I am warping her in my own special way.
post #212 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmlp View Post
Sigh. Can you just tell your friend that you don't approve of your own children eating sugar and artificial sweeteners and so her kids please stop offering them?
I think it's already been fairly hashed out that friends are different than strangers and that you can absolutely say all kinds of things to a friend that would be inappropriate and rude to say to someone that you didn't have a personal relationship with.

I guess it comes down to how well do you know the person you are thinking of commenting to? If you don't know them well enough to be fairly sure that the child doesn't have BLANK (some issue that would make the actions understandable) then you really should MYOB.

A tactful person doesn't make assumptions about other people based on her own personal point of view. She don't assume that just because she wants to know something that any other reasonable and intelligent mama must want to know the same thing.

Some things I think are safe assumptions. "That person doesn't want to be run over by a car" is a pretty safe assumption so you should feel free to shout "LOOK OUT!"

"That mama wants to be told she is giving her child too much sugar" is not a given, and unless you know the person fairly well, you run the risk of offending someone by making the assumption that they want your opinion, information or advice.
post #213 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post

Also, to all you mamas of toddlers and infants....if MDC is still around in 12 or 15 years, pop in and tell us what your kids are eating. I don't know one teenager who gives a rat's butt about what's healthy. You can feed 'em all the organic fruit and homemade yogurt you want, but when they're at school, out with their friends, or visiting somewhere, they're going to eat what tastes good, even if it's full of corn syrup and Red 40. Because they believe they're invincible.
I never understood this argument. I harbor no illusions that my children will eat junk when they are older and I have less influence in their lives. I still feel a responsibility to feed them the best foods I can while I can, while their nervous and reproductive systems are forming. You can also breastfeed your children all you want and someday they'll eat junk, but it's still a good idea to breastfeed them if you are able. And a lot of mamas care about what they eat while they are pregnant, and care about their diets when they are trying to become pregnant. So what's the big deal with continuing through the early post-weaning years, if you can afford it and there aren't developmental issues?

And I do know teenagers who care about what's healthy. What can I say?

EAT: Not to mention that later indiscretions may be handled better by people who built strong bones and teeth, for example, earlier in life.
post #214 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by poetesss View Post
Maybe it's just a cultural difference or something but I really don't get why westerners/Americans take these type of comments between friends/acquaintences/whoever so seriously. Maybe I'm just used to the Asian style of everyone getting in your business so that it doesn't bother me.
We can probably do without the ethnic stereotypes.
post #215 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
I don't know one teenager who gives a rat's butt about what's healthy.
Early teens was when both my girls became interested in eating healthy and willing to eat things they never would consider before. They've kept it up right into their twenties.
post #216 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Upside View Post

P.S. I dread the day my daughter is old enough to realize that my bowl is full of ice cream and hers is full of peas. She has already learned that crackers are not actually cookies. But wait, I guess I am warping her in my own special way.


I have the worst sugar jones.

But I hate it when people drink soda all day. I don't like to drink a lot of sugar, but I'll sure eat it.

I limit my dcs sugar intake because I don't want them to grow up with bad eating habits. Nearly all the adults in my family are obese and have been for as long as I can remember. The only ones who aren't either smoke like fiends or are compulsive exercisers, or both. At various times in my life I have worked out for around 3 to 4 hours a day, or smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day, or smoked and worked out. And I didn't see this as abnormal. ( I know) My weight goes up and down with my health problems. I hope my children don't have to deal with this their whole lives, but it really doesn't look good for them since grandparents and doting relatives think they need candy, soda, dessert, and pretty much whatever other cr@p they see.
post #217 of 235
I find food policies for school/daycare acceptable. I worked at a center that stated "healthy" lunches were to be sent, no chips, cookies, candy or pop. (this was for the school age group) There wasn't a definition for healthy but most parents sent in what is a healthy lunch. (meat/meat alternative, fruit, veggie)

Yes, the bright blue applesauce isn't my idea of healthy but it isn't for me to decide.

Mil bougtht the girls lunchables. Personally, I don't think they are healthy but for MIl they were a simple way to pack a picnic lunch. If mil wanted to buy them for home, I would tell her no but for when they are at her house, I let it go.
post #218 of 235
My kids will eat anything. They love all kinds of food, from all around the world, and are not picky at all. They don't eat at fast food resturants, and that's a fact. My 18 yr old won't touch the stuff, and my 13 yr old is a vegetarian. My kids can go anywhere- the fanciest Manahttan restaurant, the most funky dive in the deep south (which we love, so no dis on the deep south!) We are foodies. One of my greatest fears is to raise a kid who rolls their eyes at food kindly offered-- no matter what it is. I know I am raising a few altruistic Peace Corps types, so that is a respectful attribute that should serve them well.

However, they have eaten 'junk' and I will serve traditional teen foods when they have parties and their friends are over. It's so not a big deal. You offer the good stuff and you make allowances for the 'other' stuff.

I think we create a lot of problems when we try to micromanage what kids eat. It *will* backfire if you are freaking out over kids trying soda or whatnot at parties etc. A little balance is a good thing. There is plenty of junk food that is Kosher, Halal etc etc Most cultures have their own version of food crappy.

It's probably good that parents of tiny children can get that happy /I rock feeling because their children haven't tasted ice cream or what. Lets take our bows where we can. :

PS. To those with adults/older teens who did micromanage food when they were small and who have no food issues, and you will post to tell me, let me just say in advance-- That's great! And I really mean that. No snark.
post #219 of 235
Funny, most teens I know are opting for vegetarian diets to some degree. They may crave some junk (yeah, so do I) but are much more conscious of their overall diet. I know I was that way, too, as a teen so maybe I notice/applaud it more.
Takes all kinds
post #220 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMommy View Post
Funny, most teens I know are opting for vegetarian diets to some degree. They may crave some junk (yeah, so do I) but are much more conscious of their overall diet. I know I was that way, too, as a teen so maybe I notice/applaud it more.
Takes all kinds

Ok. But not eating meat leaves plenty of room for non meat junkola. Believe me. I have seen many young vegetarians ( and older ones as well) inhale french fries, pizza,, soda, frakensoy, etc. Many people, in general , are veg for the animals, not for their own health.

Oh no, we don't want to go there.
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