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Parents who do things differently (no "sigh") - Page 4

post #61 of 235
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post #62 of 235
I don't think it is a matter of low standards, but maybe more of an matter of being ignorant. She thinks applesauce is healthy, so doesn't realize the swirly kind is probably not the greatest choice. I know a lot of ppl who think things are, "healthy" that are awful. Like those fruit snack things (they come in a pre-sealed baggies, are similar to gummy bears, but not as chewy), I have a friend who thinks she is very healthy, she gives her kids those fruit snacks, which are IMO basically just candy and says how healthy they are b/c they are made from juice. I've looked that nutritional info on the back of those pkgs before at the store, and it is NOT a healthy snack.

As for the car seat, I don't know about the area you live in, but where I live, ppl will use the same carseat for multiple children for over a decade. I am not exaggerating. In general I have found that in my area my DH and I are the most knowledgeable ones about carseats. Seriously, so many ppl are so clueless and the # of ppl whose carseats are not install correctly, or those who should be using car seats, but don't... it's really, really bad around here. One couple from church, cares for one of their granddaughters who is the same age as my preschooler. I happened to mention to her that target had carseats on 50% clearance. She said, "oh, I just plan to use her mom's carseat (her dd is over 20 yrs old!!!)." I kind of looked and her and said, "you mean x's carseat?" She said, "yeah." I said, you know car seats typically have a life of only six yrs, you can't use it, b/c the plastic deteriorates and becomes brittle, it is very dangerous, x's seat is over 20 yrs old! She was completely shocked. Not upset at me at all, but she honestly did not know this info and I think the thought that she had put her grandkids in danger from using old carseats really dawned on her. She told me it made sense, how she had some appliance that she loved, but after 10 yrs, the motor still worked, but the plastic deteriorated. I kind of had an idea that they did not know this, b/c a wk earlier my DH helped out with the church's rummage sale and told me that the husband had bought a really old looking, used carseat for his other grandchild. I told my DH, "why didn't you educate him about car seat safety, he obviously doesn't know???"

I honestly think that some ppl are just really clueless, and if they were aware that what they were doing was not safe/healthy for their children, they would be very upset at themselves. In cases like this, I think some gentle suggestions would work well. I'd address the car seat issue first.
post #63 of 235
I think it is nice that you are concerned. It is admirable that you want to educate. when we know better we can do better. lats face it, unsafe carseats and inadequate nutrition are things most parents just aren't aware of.

however it is possible to get carried away. i see a lot of carseat snobbery and people going over board on this forum. however if the carseat is truely unsafe and it is within your means to help her get a better one by all means do so. Outside of planing to have the carseat safety people come to a school sponsored safety day (ooooo!!! Maybe you could plan and carry out a whole saftey and health fair at your school. get people in the community to come and talk about nutrition and care seat safety etc. that way you are not signalling anyone out but ioffer a chance for evryone to share in the education you have been fortunate enough to recieve) there isn't much yu can do.

It would probabl;y not be recieved well if you approached her directly but I think you can inform her in a sweet and non-judgmental way. talk about your experiances and how it relates to her comments, for example "I heard the safest carseats were 5 point harness modles, when we needed a new carseat I did a lot of research, if you would like I could share what I found and save you some time" be sure to include some cheaper but safe models (under $100). or "that applesauce looks really fun. Its good that they are eating so much fruit! My kids can't eat that stuff though. it makes them crazy. i didn't believe it was the food coloring at first but we did some experimenting and it looked like that really was the culprit. The more research i did the more horrified i was. we have tried to completely elliminate it. its tough though." A good alternative to that stuff is the fruit squeezes. it is apple sauce, it is prganic and has no added sugar and even better from a kids perspective it comes in a tube (good frozen or regular) and is PURPLE (natrually of course). It is spendy though.

hey here is an idea if you really want to educate without pointing fingers. Contact companies and grocery stores to donate sample stuff or buy samples of snacks etc that are healthy and hand them out "goodie bags" to everyone. You could also put some information about healthy snacking etc in it. People dig free stuff and if they try and like it they may be more willing to pay the higher prices. Its hard to risk $5 on 6 tubes of apple sauce if your kid might not like it, ya know.

if you really are concerned and want to help educate there are ways to do it without offendeding.
post #64 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by mags View Post
Like those fruit snack things (they come in a pre-sealed baggies, are similar to gummy bears, but not as chewy), I have a friend who thinks she is very healthy, she gives her kids those fruit snacks, which are IMO basically just candy and says how healthy they are b/c they are made from juice. I've looked that nutritional info on the back of those pkgs before at the store, and it is NOT a healthy snack.
Those things are my biggest nutritional pete peeve. When they first came out they were actually located in the candy isle. They are not healthy. they are not even neutral. they are probably one of the worst things a person could eat. not that we never eat them but when we do we are under no healthful delusions.

sorry.

rant.

couldn't help it.
post #65 of 235
Quote:
Those things are my biggest nutritional pete peeve. When they first came out they were actually located in the candy isle. They are not healthy. they are not even neutral. they are probably one of the worst things a person could eat. not that we never eat them but when we do we are under no healthful delusions.

sorry.

rant.

couldn't help it.
And I know it.
But my son eats about 3 packs a day. Because it is only one of the foods he will eat. And I find them better than chocolate bars.
post #66 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by polka hop View Post
Could you give this as a reason why you don't want your kids sharing food? Even at my DD's Jewish preschool, where everything has to have a reliable hechsher, kids aren't allowed to share food because of differing levels of shomer kashrus (Cholov Yisroel, Pas Yisroel, etc.). It seems like if you let the teachers know, and ask the other parents to let their kids know not to share with yours for that reason, you might be able to solve the problem without singling anyone out.
This is what I was going to say. I do not find it acceptable that a Jewish school (actually I don't know if this is a Jewish school, I'm just assuming you'd be really upset about food sharing if it weren't) allows children to share food. One of the reasons I decided not to send my child to a particular Jewish school is because of the possibility of food sharing, although I was strongly assured that food sharing was not allowed. People have widely different standards of kashrus and health for food, I would flip if my child was allowed to share I-don't-know-what food.

I have tons of friends who feed their kids food I consider junk, but I don't say anything. If we a talking about food, I might say, "Oh, I try not to buy product x, because it has sugar." That's it. There are so many things to judge people for: whether kids are clean enough, if the mother dresses nice enough, how religious a family is, how clean the house is, how often they use babysitters, it never ends...
post #67 of 235
I've been following this thread, trying not to jump in. But I can't help myself.

How rude. I mean, to assume another parent has "lower expectations" based on the snacks she sends to school and the carseat she chooses/uses is just ludicrous. A very close friend of mine with four children has chosen to use her overhead shield carseat for their infant, b/c they cannot afford to buy a new one. I've shared with her the potential dangers of smaller children using boosters, but they're not in a position to buy a Britax Regent for both boys who are currently in boosters, and I'm certainly not going to hold her in contempt b/c of that.

Truly, if the measure of a parent is the type of snacks we serve our children, and whether or not we shell out for the single most expensive, highest-performance carseat on the market, then we're all in trouble. What really matters here is if that child is loved, sheltered, cared for and kept safe. It really doesn't matter if her mom chooses to serve her fruit flavored applesauce with flourescent stripes in it, nor does it matter that you are offended by that. She's not your daughter, and it's no right of yours to say anything about it other than to the preschool/daycare supervisor who is the ONLY person responsible for keeping the kids from sharing snacks. The other mother has every right to send her daughter with whatever she wants unless the school specifies otherwise.

Seriously, folks. MDC is a great place, but since when does it become ok to post about other people's food and carseat choices when they're not actually doing anything wrong?
post #68 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I don't think so -- I've noticed a major trend that when people come here to tsk tsk about the way someone else is parenting, pretty much everyone steps in and calls out the OP on being judgemental.

You're right that most people here probably *don't* think that the best way to parent is to feed junk food and use cheap carseats, but that doesn't mean they have to join in on condemning someone else for doing so. I mean, what can people really say? "Oh, what a bad mom! I'm glad we're not like her!"
I think that is the point, people want to validate their own parenting by putting down others. I don't think junk food and old carseats are the best choices either, but at some point the "bad mommy" posts get to be a little old.
post #69 of 235
Quote:
There is a war going on...there are gangs, poverty and bullying. This snack and carseat business is just too petty.



post #70 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by jorismom View Post
I think that is the point, people want to validate their own parenting by putting down others. I don't think junk food and old carseats are the best choices either, but at some point the "bad mommy" posts get to be a little old.
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post #71 of 235
I'm glad at my kids' preschool, they have class snacks. On your snack week, they give you a specific list of how many, which kind, which brands are acceptable, etc. Half of it is usually fresh fruit that the teachers will cut up themselves.

This past year, they started asking for more and more organic foods. In the past, they'd already had a no artificial colors rule, and a no sugary snack rule (including cupcakes for birthdays--muffins are acceptable, and honestly, the kids don't know the difference! A treat is a treat at their age, and if it comes in a paper cupcake wrapper, it must be a cupcake. Even if it doesn't have icing.)
post #72 of 235

The title of this thread

is starting to remind me of the song

"Friends in Low Places"

post #73 of 235
I think that if another parent from my kid's daycare came up to me because they were concerned that my car seat was out of date, I'd be terribly embarrassed.

If same parent then addressed concerns regarding my child's diet, I would get a little mad and probably not mince words.

I don't think it's advisable, and yes I think you are being waaaaay too judgemental.
post #74 of 235
I'm always amazed when other parents of small children have time to notice what kinds of carseats other people have for their kids. I'm always so occupied helping my own children in and out of the car in parking lots, that kind of stuff just doesn't register.

But I WILL notice if you haul your babe around the store in her carseat with a bottle propped in her mouth, rather than snuggling her in the sling so she has free access to your breast, as I do.

But I'm glad I learned about the plastic disintegrating after 6 years (in the carseats, not my breasts), so we won't try to save our dd's carseats for our grandkids ... but it's good to know we can still make a profit on them at a garage sale, since most people are so ignorant (just kidding -- seriously I'd never do that).
post #75 of 235
Actually, when I read the post, I was quite impressed with the mom. Juice and applesauce sound like pretty healthy choices to me.

I guess it is because I see so much worse - I have seen countless mothers pour diet coke into a bottle and hand it to their seven month old. And even then, I'm happy the child has a mother, because I've seen so many babies who didn't even have that.

So, my advice? Work in the pediatric ward of an inner-city or rural hospital for a few months. You'll start to think blue applesauce is the epitome of healthy perfection

Seriously though, I would have a problem if it was my child who was eating the blue applesauce - and it sounds like it is, because all the kids share. But I don't know how you could enforce it with a three year old and the teacher you described.

As far as the carseat, I really don't see the problem. But once again, it's all relative. After you've seen a few hundred pickup trucks driving at sixty miles an hour with two year olds hanging over the edge of the bed, an outdated carseat is pretty impressive.
post #76 of 235
Oh, and if you visit the lactation section, you'll discover there are some bad mamas who feed their babies bm, exclusively for the first 6 months of life. They advise other moms to do it, too, and go on and on about "the wonders of bm" -- as if it could actually be better than mother's milk!

I mean, I'm sure human waste is probably good for the garden (if it were even legal to do that) -- but feeding bm to a baby? That's taking the recycling concept a little too far!
post #77 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
Oh, and if you visit the lactation section, you'll discover there are some bad mamas who feed their babies bm, exclusively for the first 6 months of life. They advise other moms to do it, too, and go on and on about "the wonders of bm" -- as if it could actually be better than mother's milk!

I mean, I'm sure human waste is probably good for the garden (if it were even legal to do that) -- but feeding bm to a baby? That's taking the recycling concept a little too far!
Yeah, that always really disturbs me, too.
post #78 of 235
I don't think it is a matter of low standards, but maybe more of an matter of being ignorant. She thinks applesauce is healthy, so doesn't realize the swirly kind is probably not the greatest choice. I know a lot of ppl who think things are, "healthy" that are awful. Like those fruit snack things (they come in a pre-sealed baggies, are similar to gummy bears, but not as chewy), I have a friend who thinks she is very healthy, she gives her kids those fruit snacks, which are IMO basically just candy and says how healthy they are b/c they are made from juice. I've looked that nutritional info on the back of those pkgs before at the store, and it is NOT a healthy snack.

As for the car seat, I don't know about the area you live in, but where I live, ppl will use the same carseat for multiple children for over a decade. I am not exaggerating. In general I have found that in my area my DH and I are the most knowledgeable ones about carseats. Seriously, so many ppl are so clueless and the # of ppl whose carseats are not install correctly, or those who should be using car seats, but don't... it's really, really bad around here. One couple from church, cares for one of their granddaughters who is the same age as my preschooler. I happened to mention to her that target had carseats on 50% clearance. She said, "oh, I just plan to use her mom's carseat (her dd is over 20 yrs old!!!)." I kind of looked and her and said, "you mean x's carseat?" She said, "yeah." I said, you know car seats typically have a life of only six yrs, you can't use it, b/c the plastic deteriorates and becomes brittle, it is very dangerous, x's seat is over 20 yrs old! She was completely shocked. Not upset at me at all, but she honestly did not know this info and I think the thought that she had put her grandkids in danger from using old carseats really dawned on her. She told me it made sense, how she had some appliance that she loved, but after 10 yrs, the motor still worked, but the plastic deteriorated. I kind of had an idea that they did not know this, b/c a wk earlier my DH helped out with the church's rummage sale and told me that the husband had bought a really old looking, used carseat for his other grandchild. I told my DH, "why didn't you educate him about car seat safety, he obviously doesn't know???"

I honestly think that some ppl are just really clueless, and if they were aware that what they were doing was not safe/healthy for their children, they would be very upset at themselves. In cases like this, I think some gentle suggestions would work well. I'd address the car seat issue first.
post #79 of 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by bdavis337 View Post
Truly, if the measure of a parent is the type of snacks we serve our children, and whether or not we shell out for the single most expensive, highest-performance carseat on the market, then we're all in trouble. What really matters here is if that child is loved, sheltered, cared for and kept safe. It really doesn't matter if her mom chooses to serve her fruit flavored applesauce with flourescent stripes in it, nor does it matter that you are offended by that. She's not your daughter, and it's no right of yours to say anything about it other than to the preschool/daycare supervisor who is the ONLY person responsible for keeping the kids from sharing snacks. The other mother has every right to send her daughter with whatever she wants unless the school specifies otherwise.

Seriously, folks. MDC is a great place, but since when does it become ok to post about other people's food and carseat choices when they're not actually doing anything wrong?



Also, blue spangly applesauce with artificial coloring may not be the best food in the world,but it could ALWAYS be worse - - - the child isn't showing up to snacktime with big chunks of chocolate and diet coke!
post #80 of 235
I think it's way harsh to bring that stuff up to the mama directly - I know I wouldn't take to it well if someone did it to me.

I think you should talk to the teacher and see if a better food policy can be put in place and also type up a short info sheet on car seats with some sort of 'latest updates about carseats' header and try to get the teacher let you hand them out or something. (Maybe there's something online already that you can print off??).
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