PAL ~ Pregnant After Loss

[rosie29]

I couldn't find a PAL thread here, so I started one. If another exists, please direct me to it. :

(Cross-posted in PABL).
I had a m/c in November and now I'm about 13 weeks pg. I'm just finding myself worried that I'll lose this one. It's kind of amazing how one m/c can really mess with a person's confidence. With my first pregnancy, m/c hardly crossed my mind. Now I find myself touching my belly and wondering if it's still growing and if it's still as big as it was a week ago.

We did hear the h/b at 10 weeks. Have an appt next week and hope to hear it again. That should help. Just thinking out loud here...not sure what I'm looking for from you all.

ETA: It's odd, it seems like my anxiety has increased in the past few days. Well, I think pretty soon I'll be out of the woods...right?! Odds go down after 13 weeks or so?

[impromptukiss]

same boat here, almost exactly. we had a (very early) m/c in october, and my dh didn't even tell people at work until right before he deployed last week we were pregnant again because he was paranoid, too. i'm 13w today, so i'm starting to feel a little better about it all, but i don't think i'll feel 100% until baby is in my arms.


my mw couldn't get the hb at 10 weeks, and her assistant came in who "always gets it at 10 weeks" and nothing. i felt horrible. my gf owns a doppler, though, and found it for me the following week. it helped me breathe a little better.

my first two were completely easy care-free pregnancies, and i'm just so worried after the m/c. i have gotten a little better the past couple weeks, but i'm just counting the days until that middle line.

(((((())))))

[mb122]

me too :(

i have two wonderful kids and had a m/c back in january at almost 13 weeks. the baby died somewhere there between 10-11 weeks. i had seen the heartbeat twice before then - so we had announced it to everyone over the holidays.

it was a tough experience. i had a tiny bit of brown spotting at first for a few days. of course *everyone* was telling me brown spotting was "normal", etc. well, it wasn't. i knew my body was preparing to labor/pass the baby. i demanded an US where we saw no more heartbeat.

i passed the tiny baby at home. he/she looked perfect. so incredibly perfect. we placed the baby and the rest of the remains in a little bag i knit and buried it under a special tree in the yard.

i'm increibly anxious with this PG. scared of everything. i wonder if it's still alive, whether it's growing okay, etc. i worry and worry and worry. i wish i could relax more and feel things were going to be okay.

[kati_kati]

I'm here too. I had one early m/c at 4.5 weeks and then one at 13.5 right after. The second one was of course way worse - turned out to be a blighted ovum and wouldn't pass naturally so I ended up with a d&c at 20 weeks which was horrible. That was in Jan/Feb this year. But anyway.

Happy to be here now. I'm 13weeks(+2days) too! I alternate between feeling really confident and totally not. I'm bigger this time so it's a good sign that things are going ok but I'm finding plenty of things to stress about... I have not heard a heartbeat yet - don't want to do doppler, so I'm trying to be patient.

s to all.

[geck_07]

I haven't really posted much in a while......I think a lot of it has to do with just wondering if everything will be ok. I've never had a miscarriage, but I did lose my baby girl last May at 37.5 weeks, it was (and still is) really devastating. I am just being overly cautious with EVERYTHING lately (I'm 12w5d), and I have decided to get induced at 38 weeks this time around. I know the chance of it happening again are slim to none, but once you go through that you know that the chance is still there.

On to happier thoughts..... I'm pretty sure I felt bean yesterday, and I heard a heartbeat at 11.5 weeks. Being optimistic is hard for anyone who suffered a loss.....but it sure seems like the rest of the world disappears for that moment when you hear that little heart pumping!

[kehliouise]

i also had a miscarriage last november at 7 weeks and am now 13 weeks. i finally went to the midwife today and we heard a heartbeat. it took a while to find one and i was sort of freaking out, then there it was, but the baby kept moving away from the dopler, so we didn't get to hear it for very long. it was still reassuring. then i read the post on the i'm pregnant section about how bad dopler is. so now i'm paronoid about what dopler is doing to the baby. i'm paronoid about eating soup out of a cans. i'm paronoid about the fact that my husband has to wear bug spray at work and he might be exposing me to the chemicals when he comes. i'm paronoid about everything. i don't want to be. and i especially don't want to be paronoid about doplers because getting to hear the heartbeat was one of the only things that has sort of helped. when i was pregnant with ds#1 i never really worried about anything, but after our loss last year i feel like everything is a threat to this baby. i just want to enjoy this.

[AngelaB]

I really have to work on my anxiety levels since my mc in 04'. I lost babe at 13 weeks and had to have an emergency d&c due to blood loss. It was awful.

I have since had a baby who is now 15 months old but I still worry about this babe. I am 13 1/2 weeks and have heard the heartbeat but I worry about everything under the sun happening.

I dont want to feel that pit in my stomach and whole in my heart again and having to carry that around forever. I could not imagine having a still birth and worry about that too. I can talk myself out of the fear and take some deep breathes and relax for a while. Its just the fears that sneak up and come out of nowhere when Im thinking about something totally not baby related and then "oh god what if I loose anouther one"

My middle son also has autism and still doesnt talk at 5 and that feels like a loss of sorts too so I worry that my subsiquent children will have issues as well. Thank the gods for deep breathing!!!!!
Angela

[Twocoolboys]

I've got some anxiety, too. I have two boys, who are five years apart. In between boys, I had 2 mc's, one at 8 weeks, one at almost 17. So, though I am 13 weeks now, feel great, have had an ultrasound that showed the little baby right on schedule and heard the heartbeat on the doppler at the app't after that, I still get a little freaked out.

It's funny, because I've been pretty calm up until a week or so ago. I do think everything is all right though. I'm sure I've felt movement already. It's just those late at night thoughts that I can't seem to get a grip on. Sigh. I'm looking forward to 20 weeks.

You never get over that fear once you've had a loss.

[geck_07]

I felt bean move today!!! (13 weeks tomorrow) It wasn't just like a little bubble, it's hard to explain but for about 20 min bean was just bouncing around in there!!! I'm so excited. It makes it so much more "real".

[Mama_Bear]

for all you mamas.

[matey]

I m/s last november at between 9 and 10 weeks. I am now pregnant again and atg 15 (almost 16) weeks. So far, so good. I did have to go on progesterone this pregnancy and had a scare early on with the possibility of losing the baby. All is well now though.

There is a PAL thread under Pregnancy Birth and Loss.There is a new one for each month. It is full of women who have been through this. It is really great and primarily where I spend my time. If you cant find it, let me know and I will try to give you better directions. It is hard to do right now because I am on a super slow computer.

[Surfacing]

to all the Mamas who are crossing their fingers and aching in their hearts. I had a m/c at 5 wks before becoming PG with dd#1. It was very disappointing and a definite loss. It was highlighted by the fact that my girlfriend was PG at the same time (also 5 wks along), and she kept on being pregnant but I did not. 'Why why why?' I kept asking myself. 'Why her and not me?' But these things don't always have an answer.

Then when I was PG with dd#1 I was nervous but after the first trimester things felt better. When dd#1 was born, and after (up to this day), I am GRATEFUL for her life and her presence. I realize that had the first PG been viable and that child would have been born, we never would have had dd#1. We would've had another great kid (hopefully ) but not dd. And we are so glad she's here.

This time the m/s is so much stronger and I feel it's a strong viable PG, but I keep my fingers crossed still because you just can't take things for granted! Blessings on all our bellies!

[K's Mama]

We lost our baby girl during the final stages of labour at 38 weeks, 5 days in September '06, likely due to a cord accident, although that couldn't be confirmed by the autopsy. So, although we have had two easy and healthy pregnancies (including my 4 year-old son's, who was born healthy at home in 2003), my fears are now more directed to labour itself.

Although what happened was an extremely rare circumstance, it's still hard not to wonder if it might come up again and if so, if there is anything we could do differently this time to ensure a safe birth. At the same time, I know that this is a different birth for a different baby, and I want to go into the experience with joy and excitement, not fear.

I'm glad a pregnancy lasts nine (ten!) months...we need all this time to prepare ourselves for birth and parenting, and this time around, I need to work on the fear and strike a balance between making wise and well-informed decisions, and having faith in the beauty and mystery of birth!

[ShannaW]

We lost dd#3 at 15 weeks, last September. She was 12-13 weeks gest. I was just starting to breathe easier being out of the 1st tri, happy to be feeling much better (kicking myself later for how great I felt), etc. After two textbook perfect pregnancies it was a real slap across the face.

I find I no longer take good, healthy pregnancy for granted. I get peeved at everyone's assumptions that pregnancy always ends in happy, healthy babies (although I rarely voice it). And I find I think about our missing baby a LOT!! More now that I'm pregnant than even before.

I just take every day one day at a time. And yeah, I don't think I will be able to relax until I'm holding this new one in my arms. And I also realize that I will always see the 'gap' in our family.

for everyone else going through this as well!

[Shefalismommy]

Same for me here. I'm almost 13 weeks now, and I lost my previous pregnancy at 12 weeks. My m/s went away 5 days ago so I am very much freaking out right now! I have an appt. tomorrow, so I hope that to hear the heartbeat will be very comforting. Fingers crossed!

Hugs to everyone!

[rosie29]

Update

Originally Posted by rosie29

We did hear the h/b at 10 weeks. Have an appt next week and hope to hear it again. That should help. Just thinking out loud here...not sure what I'm looking for from you all.

ETA: It's odd, it seems like my anxiety has increased in the past few days. Well, I think pretty soon I'll be out of the woods...right?! Odds go down after 13 weeks or so?

We heard the h/b today! I feel so much better! I'm 14.5 weeks and feeling like I can relax. How's everyone else doing?

[Surfacing]

Great news Rosie29!!!

We're growing nicely....though due to a miscommunication with my midwife I missed the first trimester screening. I feel a bit paranoid that we *didn't* do the nuchial fold thing though I'm sure we'll be able to tell at the 18-20 wk ultrasound...right? Right? Maybe not. Maybe too late.

Anyhow, HOORAH for your lovely hb!

[kehliouise]

yes hurray for heartbeat!

i go back again on the 3rd. that will be the first time dh gets to hear the heartbeat. i still have a little anxiety about the use of dopplers...i thought they were fine since they get used every time, but some people seem to say they are worse than ultrasounds. i get paronoid about everything these days. discovery channel had a show on about possessed children or something...i changed the channel as soon as i realized what it was...because now i will be paranoid that i am giving birth to a demon child or something..haha. i hope that there are others out there as irrational as i am.

i just can't wait to have a happy healthy baby...i'm hoping that is the outcome for all of us.

[FelixMom]

Hi Mamas,

Just checking in to say I did not hear a heartbeat at the midwife's appt on July 16 and my fundal height was small. The one thing in my favour is that we don't know exactly when this bean was concieved. I go back Aug 20 and hope this baby's alive and kicking still... Can't have an ultrasound if there's no cramping and bleeding.

And I don't want to pay $150+ and have an ultrasound done privately to find out potentially bad news either...

Nothing was ever the same for me ever since my 2 m/cs. I had a successful healthy pregnancy resulting in DD last year, but I did not relax until she was kicking and screaming in my arms after the birth.

My only symptoms at present are sore breasts (it hurts like hell to nurse DD) and some fatigue alternating with insomnia. I am getting over a cold, and it appears that since my immune system is acting efficiently, I am slightly worried that the pregnancy is not okay. Usually when I'm pregnant, it takes me forever to get over colds and flus...

So here I am, waiting for Nature to take its course, for better or worse... sorry for the long post, had to vent.

[rosie29]

FelixMom,
I'm sorry you have to wait so long till you get some answers.