Do you sometimes stay up late?

[granola_mom]

My DD is not even a year old yet but I already know we'll be unschooling and already consider myself as haven started (it's not traditional school, so we can start when we like!). My question is: do you sometimes end up staying up late? Even though DD is too young to fully get it, I do enjoy bringing her to local activist and intellectual events and discussions, but sometimes they start around 9 and can last late. I can see this being an amazing thing in the coming years, but just wondering how many of you do something like this and how do you handle judgemental people?

I know I'm less likely to be judged by this certain crowd, but there are people telling me she should be in bed by 7 or 8 and that the hours before midnight are the most important... is that true? And if so, why is that true? During the summer months here, it is light out until 10:00... so if daylight has anything to do with it I don't see how it would be a problem in the summer. I don't know, I just sometimes feel a bit weird when every other parent puts their baby to bed at 8 and DD stays up with us until 10 or 11 and then sleeps in with us. So far it's working out fine but if it's harming her in some way I'm not aware of I'd like to know before we do it for too long!

[elizawill]

my children go to sleep early and have always had a bedtime, but that's what works best for us. my best friend's children are 11 and 8 years old, and they have always gone to sleep late and have never had a bedtime imposed. it works out great for their family. she homeschooled up until last year, so now during the school year they may go to sleep earlier...but for obvious reasons. i think you should just follow your dd's lead....if she's fine staying up late and sleeping in, then that schedule is working for her. don't be too concerned with what others think of you. if you plan to unschool (or homeschool at all for that matter) or vaccinate different or co-sleep...or **fill-in-the-blank** then you will have lots of judgment all of the time.....so just get used to it...and learn to show your better side to those casting judgment

[TheJoyfulMom]

My girls tend to stay up. They follow their clues and go to bed when they're ready. They do go into their rooms when I go to mine if I am tired before they are. The little one comes with me- he is almost three and when I lay down he lays down and nurses and usually falls asleep.

They are night owls... they sleep in until they've had the amount of sleep that they need. If I know we're going to get up for something earlier in the morning that usual, I let them know and sometimes they go to bed earlier and sometimes not.

Its what works for us. I ignore other people. It's really none of their business anyways!

[NannyL]

The kids I nanny for definitely have a bedtime. (They are 2 and 4.) I think early bedtimes are important for young kids, who tend to get up at the same time everyday no matter when they went to bed. They need to go to bed early to get sufficient sleep. And in our case, bedtimes (usually between 7 and 8) are important, as their parents are always in bed by 9.

That being said, I do think it is great that we can stay up late for special occasions (and I think it is especially great that the kids can sleep in if they ever want or need to), and I think as kids get older, they can set their own bedtime. My mother was usually in bed by 8, and my father never enforced a bedtime, so I learned how much sleep I needed and what was a good bedtime. (I usually stayed up late and then napped after school. It worked well for me.)

I do see being able to set one's own bedtime and daily schedule as one of the advantages to homeschooling.

[incorrigible]

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[NocturnalDaze]

My 5y.o. dd rarely goes to bed before 11pm. She's been staying up this late since she was born. I sometimes bring her shopping with me late at night. People used to give us looks when she was younger. I could care less.

We'll be going to a Harry potter book release party on Friday. She'll be up well past midnight...

[Chinese Pistache]

Our kids (6, 4, 2) have an early bedtime. They get up at the crack of dawn no matter what time they go down and they feel much better when they get enough sleep. That said, they usually have no problem staying up for special occasions. I've actually had more people judge me for giving my kids an early bedtime, along the lines of us being too controlling. But I really don't care. The kids go down happily (usually!) and we get a few sane hours alone.

[vac70]

My dd's have always had a bedtime, 8:30, starting at around 2 1/2 years of age for each. My older dd really needs to get 10hrs. When she doesn't she has a really hard time with everything. I have seen Mary Sheedy Kurcinka speak a couple of times and she really made it clear, to me, that many problems children have can be caused by not getting enough sleep. Her latest book is called Sleepless in America and it is really great.
I've never forced my kids to go to sleep, we have a whole ritual; bath, books and bed. It really helps them get ready for sleep and I do lay with each of them for a few minutes each, once the lights are out. They both fall asleep within minutes. I have many HS friends that let their kids stay up very late, their kids seem to do fine with it.

[NocturnalDaze]

Just want to add that we sleep late as well....we usually get up around 10am. just another bonus to HSing!!

[branwyn]

each of my children sleep differently - they go to sleep when they are tired - whenever that may be. my 11 year old can sleep for 4 hours or 20 hours - i let her body decide. my 5 year old sleeps normally about 9 hours and my almost 3 year old sleeps whenever i put her in bed (so we usually read a story and put her in bed around 9 and she wakes about 1130am).

now my natural clock runs from about noon to normally 2-3am (it's 240am where i am now and sleep doesnt look likes its coming anytime soon - ah menopause). when my mama was homeschooling me we worked on things after dinner, because she knew - anything before that and my brain just wouldnt retain it. daytime was for fieldtrips, reenactments, living histories, etc.

so to clarify - they sleep whenever. sometimes they might be awake at midnight and we might make a trip to the store, or take a walk around the neighbourhood, we might be over at a friends house until 2am. the only thing i am a stickler for is a nap/quiettime (one doesnt actually have to sleep, but it is a rest period). we all lay down at about 330 for about an hour. its just habit in my southern family

how do i handle judgemental people? fortunately i havent encountered many in the last 11 years (well not judgemental about my kids sleep patterns - the only time people have really mentioned it is when they express envy that my children sleep so late, but the fact i am covered in tattoos and piercings - thats another story in judgement lol)

[tamagotchi]

It's midnight here and my DS (22 months) still isn't in bed. He goes to sleep when he's ready and then sleeps as long as he needs to. It's not always convenient for us, but he sleeps well and he gets enough sleep.

[UnschoolnMa]

It's 1:39 am here right now, and my kids and I are all still up.

Dd is in her bed reading and mostly asleep really and Ds and will head to bed in an hour or so. We almost always stay up this late. Well, Dd goes to bed earlier some nights. Unless we have a reason to wake up early, we sleep in until we feel like getting up. (Or the phone rings, or the dog has to pee, or the cats want food, and so on lol...)

We run into the idea that we are irresponsible, lazy, or negligent here and there. Usually it comes from folks who follow the (common) line of thinking that people sleep from 10 pm - 6 am or something similiar and then are awake the rest of the day.

Now that I think of it I am getting sleepy!

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by granola_mom

... there are people telling me she should be in bed by 7 or 8 and that the hours before midnight are the most important... is that true?

No matter what you choose to do there will be people telling you you need to do something else. I think if you're happy with your choices, those people won't bother you.

I personally believe that it's important for people to follow their own body's needs -- to sleep when they're tired and wake when they're ready. I don't believe that certain hours are better for sleep or that certain age groups need a certain amount of sleep--there are just way too many variables.

My kids have each gone through periods where they were routinely ready for bed at a particular time, and got up about the same time every day. However, they were capable of staying up later for special events or getting up early for morning events. It's never been a problem. Over the years, these times varied considerably--for instance, at one point, my youngest was sleeping from 8 pm until 6 a.m. while my teen was sleeping from 3 a.m. until noon.

I can't see how it would be harmful for a person to follow their own rhythm. I wouldn't impose a bedtime any more than I'd force a tired child to stay up late.

[zonapellucida]

are you kidding? My HSers stay up until 2 in the morn! I am in bed before them, LOL

[FiddleMama]

My son goes to bed at 8 most nights but he comes with us to rehearsal one night a week and we don't get home until almost 11. He also comes with us sometimes when we have family friendly gigs. Honestly, it's never been a problem for his sleep pattern. He is one of the best sleepers of all of his little friends and he never gets sick. He often falls asleep at events and then transfers easily to his bed when we get home. If it was causing him health problems, I would stop doing this but I think he benefits more from attending these things with us than he does from having a rigid schedule.

We know a family with a toddler my son's age who never goes to anything past 5 pm because it interferes with their bedtime routine. That would never fly in our family. To each his or her own!

[Drummer's Wife]

we don't have a set bed time here. My kids go to sleep when they are tired and wake up when they are ready. They do get enough sleep though and to me that is what is important.

My 6 yr old generally goes to sleep between midnight and 2 am and will wake up between 10-11:30 am ish. My 2 and 4 year old fall asleep between 10-midnight sometimes earlier though if they haven't taken a nap. They get up between 9-11 am. It just varies and luckily my kids do not wake up the same time regardless of when they went to bed like some do. If they go to sleep late, they wake up late. If they go to bed early they tend to get up earlier but never before 9 am unless I wake them.

Because we are unschooling and don't have anywhere we have to be early in the morning this works well for us. Also my DH doesn't get home until 6:30 or so at night so I couldn't imagine putting the kids to bed at 8. They'd never get to see much of their dad.

We also tend to be out late in the evenings with them and I'm sure some people think we're bad parents but it's just our lifestyle and I'm glad my kids aren't tired and grumpy by 9 pm because we'd miss out on a lot of evening activities with friends/dh's band/family ect. if we had to rush home to put them to bed. It's what works for us and like I said the important thing is that they are getting enough sleep.

[cottonwood]

My friend was telling me a while back that there is a biological reason that kids tend to start staying up late when they reach adolescence... can't remember what it was though. It made sense at the time.

Anyway, I know you're asking about young children. A good healthy rule of thumb, assuming you don't have to get up at a certain time to go to school or work, is follow the sun. Which obviously means that bedtimes will fluctuate throughout the year. My kids generally follow my cues -- they don't like to go to bed without me, and don't like to stay up alone. So we go to bed together. But they need more sleep than I do, so they sleep in while I am up alone usually for an hour or two in the morning.

[Midnightowl]

Just another "what works for us" post:

I work odd hours, and the children keep my schedule. I get home from work about 12:30-1 a.m., and we try to be asleep by 4 a.m. We usually wake up about noon when my husband comes home for lunch. It's odd and makes it next to impossible to have outings in the mornings, but what matters most is that we are all happy and well-rested.

Lisa

[aran]

Originally Posted by NannyL

I think early bedtimes are important for young kids, who tend to get up at the same time everyday no matter when they went to bed. They need to go to bed early to get sufficient sleep.

nak

That's a pretty broad and, ime, inaccurate generalization. The possibility of late bedtimes is a great side-benefit of hs. If my DS did't have a late bedtime, he would miss out on lots of great daddy-time. It doesn't matter what bedtime is chosen as long as everyone gets enough sleep. DS1 has always gone to bed between 9:30 and 11 most nights and occasionally earlier or later. He makes up any shortfall by sleeping late or during his nap, as long as I am conscious about when he's had a shortfall at night and making sure I give him a chance to make it up. Some people probably do better with a regular (i.e., rigid) schedule, though.

Originally Posted by DrummersWife

We also tend to be out late in the evenings with them and I'm sure some people think we're bad parents but it's just our lifestyle and I'm glad my kids aren't tired and grumpy by 9 pm because we'd miss out on a lot of evening activities with friends/dh's band/family ect. if we had to rush home to put them to bed. It's what works for us and like I said the important thing is that they are getting enough sleep.

Yes!!! Same here!!!

Originally Posted by vac70

have seen Mary Sheedy Kurcinka speak a couple of times and she really made it clear, to me, that many problems children have can be caused by not getting enough sleep. Her latest book is called Sleepless in America and it is really great.

I am halfway through the book and I do think it is helpful in pointing out warning signs of when a child needs more sleep, and ways to make sure s/he gets it. But she describes an "ideal" that is so rigid, that sleep would take priority over all else. Interestingly, she notes that being a real night owl means that you actually have a genetic difference, and you (or your child) is never likely to be comfortable with an early schedule!

Humpf to those who would impose an early schedule on me. I just listen, nod and then say, "This is working well for our family right now. Can you believe the great weather we've been having his summer?" (i.e., pass the bean dip)

[2 in August]

I used to let my dd stay up till 11-12 every day. But she was crabby and I had no alone time with dh. So now she goes in her room at 9pm. She can look at books, listen to music or books on her cd player, draw on her magna doodle or play with her stuffed animals as long as she stays on her bed. I let her stay up for special occassions and she does well with those too. I think like everything, it is a balance and it definately depends on the kid.