Hi Mamas,
This will have to be short as I'm needing rest right now.
I was cottaging 7 hours from home on an island with no road access when my membranes ruptured suddenly at 33w4d. I went to the local hospital, then was airlifted to the next hospital that can take 33w4d babies...which also happened to be in my hometown. DP drove home with the kids while I flew. Since then, it's been good news....baby is doing well, BPP good, all NSTs good, I proceeded with 2 shots of steroids, got the 24 hours of abx, continuing oral abx, strep b negative.
When I first got there, they said I should be able to go home the next day after doing all of above if baby was well. Then they realized I am planning a vaginal breech delivery. Here, they "won't" do it. I am not going to go into details now about why a vag breech delivery is safe etc because I'm just exhausted, but I'm confident in my decision. I have an activist midwife who feels strongly about supporting me and is doing all she can to find out which OBs are on call where when so I can hopefully have a more supportive environment for this planned vag birth.
You might recall my previous discussion about me being concerned that the baby was breech because of the fact that no hospital in town is really very receptive to doing vag breech deliveries. Well, being 34 weeks (tomorrow), they really don't want to do a vag breech, and not only that but it's narrowed my options fro hospital choices since not all hospitals can care for preemies.
Thankfully, I have a supportive midwife, who in fact co-authored the BMJ homebirth article, and who has been an activist on the topic of vaginal breech deliveries. I've been in touch with the breech birth coalition in town.
I was totally prepared to fight the vag breech fight, and I think my midwife might have even done it at home against the college practices, but at 34 weeks we agree that we need to have some perinatologists around. I am still prepared to fight, but dear god this has complicated things for me. I don't know as much about premature babies, and so I find myself questioning and even doubting sometimes. It's going to be so hard to fight this to the end.
I do believe it is the right choice, and one I need to fight for. I have good support, and my midwife will be present (and what an advocate she is!).
It's just been so hard. They decided to keep me in the hospital when they figured out that I am planning a vag breech birth...saying if they discharged me that there would be agreater risk of my not making it back in time to get a c-section. Well, since I don't want one ...
: why would I accept that as a reason? Then of course they made other false threats. They've been awful. Every day there it was a new nurse every 12 hours and a new OB resident regularly telling me what horrible things are going to happen to my baby if I have a breech birth, some of them even telling me they just don't do it.
I'm caught up in this drama right now of course, but I'm not missing the subtle sadness that is in the background...some of you may know my birth history...they've all been pretty bad. This one was going to be my first homebirth...uncomplicated, natural, beautiful in every way. It's already tarnished and I'm angry at how I've already been treated, and the birth hasn't even happened yet. But, because of my past experiences and trauma, I know that I have to stand up for myself and do what I know is right. If I give in based on fear and their pressure, I will have a whole lot more anger and trauma coming out of the experience. I also feel I need to take a stand for all women...and for birth. I so clearly see what is wrong...decisions being made without giving the people who need to make those decisions real information to do so. Some fights just need to be had.
I would appreciate even your thoughts at this time, and well wishes for the birth. I don't know when I'll come to "battle" (and I so wish I could have a non-hostile birthing environment), and when baby will come, but I really need your support right now.
I'm also worried that if anything should go wrong for any reason, it will be blamed on me because I refused a c-section. I'm sure that would be the case, even if incorrect. I need to be prepared for that possibility. Being confident in my knowledge that choosing a vaginal delivery is equally safe for baby and more safe for me helps a lot, but when it comes to our children, we are vulnerable to misinformation about anything that we might do that could harm them.
So that's all for now, and I apologize for the jumbled nature of this post. Right now everything's good with me and the baby and I'm just waiting it out. I'll be going in as an outpatient to do NSTs and while I'm there will be speaking to the OBs...which will be hard because now that I've left AMA I'm sure they'll only step up their pressure and hard line threats to try and get me back.
:
BTW, this baby is getting one crazy adventurous name.
This will have to be short as I'm needing rest right now.
I was cottaging 7 hours from home on an island with no road access when my membranes ruptured suddenly at 33w4d. I went to the local hospital, then was airlifted to the next hospital that can take 33w4d babies...which also happened to be in my hometown. DP drove home with the kids while I flew. Since then, it's been good news....baby is doing well, BPP good, all NSTs good, I proceeded with 2 shots of steroids, got the 24 hours of abx, continuing oral abx, strep b negative.
When I first got there, they said I should be able to go home the next day after doing all of above if baby was well. Then they realized I am planning a vaginal breech delivery. Here, they "won't" do it. I am not going to go into details now about why a vag breech delivery is safe etc because I'm just exhausted, but I'm confident in my decision. I have an activist midwife who feels strongly about supporting me and is doing all she can to find out which OBs are on call where when so I can hopefully have a more supportive environment for this planned vag birth.
You might recall my previous discussion about me being concerned that the baby was breech because of the fact that no hospital in town is really very receptive to doing vag breech deliveries. Well, being 34 weeks (tomorrow), they really don't want to do a vag breech, and not only that but it's narrowed my options fro hospital choices since not all hospitals can care for preemies.
Thankfully, I have a supportive midwife, who in fact co-authored the BMJ homebirth article, and who has been an activist on the topic of vaginal breech deliveries. I've been in touch with the breech birth coalition in town.
I was totally prepared to fight the vag breech fight, and I think my midwife might have even done it at home against the college practices, but at 34 weeks we agree that we need to have some perinatologists around. I am still prepared to fight, but dear god this has complicated things for me. I don't know as much about premature babies, and so I find myself questioning and even doubting sometimes. It's going to be so hard to fight this to the end.
I do believe it is the right choice, and one I need to fight for. I have good support, and my midwife will be present (and what an advocate she is!).
It's just been so hard. They decided to keep me in the hospital when they figured out that I am planning a vag breech birth...saying if they discharged me that there would be agreater risk of my not making it back in time to get a c-section. Well, since I don't want one ...
: why would I accept that as a reason? Then of course they made other false threats. They've been awful. Every day there it was a new nurse every 12 hours and a new OB resident regularly telling me what horrible things are going to happen to my baby if I have a breech birth, some of them even telling me they just don't do it.I'm caught up in this drama right now of course, but I'm not missing the subtle sadness that is in the background...some of you may know my birth history...they've all been pretty bad. This one was going to be my first homebirth...uncomplicated, natural, beautiful in every way. It's already tarnished and I'm angry at how I've already been treated, and the birth hasn't even happened yet. But, because of my past experiences and trauma, I know that I have to stand up for myself and do what I know is right. If I give in based on fear and their pressure, I will have a whole lot more anger and trauma coming out of the experience. I also feel I need to take a stand for all women...and for birth. I so clearly see what is wrong...decisions being made without giving the people who need to make those decisions real information to do so. Some fights just need to be had.
I would appreciate even your thoughts at this time, and well wishes for the birth. I don't know when I'll come to "battle" (and I so wish I could have a non-hostile birthing environment), and when baby will come, but I really need your support right now.
I'm also worried that if anything should go wrong for any reason, it will be blamed on me because I refused a c-section. I'm sure that would be the case, even if incorrect. I need to be prepared for that possibility. Being confident in my knowledge that choosing a vaginal delivery is equally safe for baby and more safe for me helps a lot, but when it comes to our children, we are vulnerable to misinformation about anything that we might do that could harm them.
So that's all for now, and I apologize for the jumbled nature of this post. Right now everything's good with me and the baby and I'm just waiting it out. I'll be going in as an outpatient to do NSTs and while I'm there will be speaking to the OBs...which will be hard because now that I've left AMA I'm sure they'll only step up their pressure and hard line threats to try and get me back.
:BTW, this baby is getting one crazy adventurous name.
: .
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