Becoming a doula when you've got young kids?

[my3peanuts]

Is it even feasible to look into becoming a doula while I've got such young kids? I have 3 kids, they are 4, 2.5, and 11 months.

I don't think it would be hard for me to find help from my dh, MIL, etc. while attending births, but at the same time I can't and don't want to leave them for longer than maybe 8-10 hours.

Opinions?

[nurnur]

sounds like you do have some great childcare support thru family members. That is the toughest part of doing birthwork with young kids of your own. I have had to wait for my season to begin this burning desire to start attending births because when you decide to be "With Woman" in her time of birth you have to be full committed to her, not just physically present. Her birth may take 2 hrs or it may take 36, there is no way to know, she may have a start stop labor or she may fly thru with the intensity of a volcano, you have to be prepared to support her thru it and not be on a timer.

[Mindi22]

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[CMcC]

Well, if you aren't ready to leave them for a longer of period of time, I think you should wait to actually take on a client. But in the meantime, maybe read books, join in the conversations on MDC, join an advocacy group....

Just going to prenatals sometimes my kids seem to think I've been gone too long. Anything over 3 hours and they act like I've neglected them. So when I went to my first birth (30 hours - gone for about 24 hours) things were really hard for me and the kids. So I didn't take another client till about 5 months later. I've only been to 1 other birth so far (gone around 8 hours that time)... So I can't say they have really improved much. My kids were ages 7, 5 and around 2 years old when I attended those births. We're also still nursing, so those long hours away made it REALLY difficult.

My advice, wait till you and the kids can tolerate longer away times.

[DoomaYula]

If you don't feel comfortable leaving them for more than 10h, then I don't think being a birth doula is for you. For now -- you might feel differently as your kids get older. However, have you considered becoming a post partum doula? You can schedule your hours more easily.

ITA that you should read books, read articles, join in discussion, learn, do whatever you can.

It's really hard to predict how long you'll be at a labor. I attended a grand multip last year who had her baby within 2h of calling me, so my kids barely noticed that I was gone. However, the longest birth I've attended was about 36h, with a brief break after about 24h. Even after leaving the kids for that long, the next day I still needed to SLEEP and couldn't spend a lot of time with them. Even a short labor, like say 8h, isn't very convenient if those 8h start at 3am, ya know?

[Veritaserum]

I started doula work when my second child was 1 year old and my older child was 3. I attended births off and on until last year, when I was about 7 months pg with #4. Being on call is HARD when you have kids. It was stressful to be able to go to a birth at a moment's notice and be able to get the kids to the sitter or have dh come home from work. Sometimes you are gone for a short while (I think my shortest birth I was still gone for 4-5 hours and I got there while she was pushing). Sometimes you're there for 24 hours+.

I've decided to stop taking clients until my kids are much older. When they are teenagers I won't have to worry about babysitters and such. I will probably attend a few births here and there for friends (got one due in September who has asked me to come since I was her doula for her last two births), but they all give birth at home and I'll bring my nursling.

Your kids are only small once. I know the passion for birth can be quite strong, but doula work can a major stress as well as a major joy and I think most women are probably best waiting until their kids are a bit older before diving into the unpredictable world of attending births. I really enjoy teaching childbirth classes because those CAN be scheduled and I get to talk about birth.

[MidwifeErika]

Maybe you could find a partner and you could set it up as part of your contract that after x many hours your partner will come and fill in?

Otherwise, yep it is too hard to predict how many hours you will be gone. Even if it is a pretty short labor, by the time you add in travel time and the 1-2 hours postpartum to help with breastfeeding, it is very normal to be gone more than 8 hours for a birth.

[arimama]

I'll offer a different perspective here
I am a doula with a 2 yr old and a 5 yr old. I am always surprised when people say it is SO HARD to be on call with little kids...
I think if you have good childcare, backup lined up, it can be totally workable.
I do tend to get a little more stresed when I have clients due anyday, but its my job and I love it so I make it work.

I actually think it would be more stressful to work full time, even though the hours would be more predictable. My 5 year old could care less how long i'm gone at a birth, because Im still pretty much a SAHM, with them a majority of the time.
I trust that my two year old is well adjusted enough to survives life without me for 24+ hours if nessesary.
To me, birth work is my "calling" and I am not willing to put it off until my kids are teenagers.
If you are just thinking of "dabbling" in doula work because it sounds neat, then you might not feel like the sacrifice is worth it at this point, but if its really what you want to do you can make it work for you