Seriously doubting myself and our choice

[usandthegirls]

to HS our DD (5) this fall. I am not sure if it's just a passing feeling or if it's because it's getting close to time to really start something, but I am freaking out. I have been waiting awhile, hoping this feeling would pass, and it isn't.

I have a 5yo, 2.5 yo and an almost 7mo...All girls. The older two fight a LOT, so I spend a lot of time being a referee. The baby of course, takes a lot of time. Then there is the house, my marriage, and lastly (not surprisingly) myself, which I flat out do not have time for. I am a part-time student and hope to be a full time student within the next year or two. My original goal was to finish my degree (computer tech support/geeky stuff) and start out with an evening/night job so I could still homeschool. We will need the additional income, so not working isn't an option. My husband works a lot of overtime right now as well. A lot of nights until 9pm and lots of weekends. Oh and as an added note, my family lives out of state and his family, while they are near, is not a viable, continuous option for help with anything.

My 5yo is very smart, energetic, social and could spend all day (literally) actively learning. She loves to be around other people, which we do, but so far we don't know anyone with kids her age. My 2.5yo does all the normal 2yo stuff and has needs/interests that seem to be completely different from her older sister. She thrives on home time and my 5yo thrives on out time. Trying to do an activity, aside from crafts, that includes them both is extremly challenging. The baby is still at the point where she is happy to be along for the ride, but her day is coming My days are chaotic.

We need a schedule and I D.R.E.A.D the thought. I am a free spirit and the idea of a schedule is lost on me. It freaks me out and sends me into panic mode. I have no idea how to implement one and actually make it stick. We have had so many attempts to do so and they always fail somehow. We just don't stick with it. I should also note that my oldest has had two years of public preschool and seemed to do well in the environment. The schedule bothered me, but I lived since I had "someone else to answer to" if that makes any sense at all.

A structured approach is what my girls would thrive on and I feel like I am not able to give that to them. I'm scared/worried that I won't even come close to being able to challenge them all enough while still doing other things that our life requires. It is tempting to enroll my oldest in kindy and supplement at home, so I know she is being stimulated in some way (mentally, socially, etc) like she wants/needs to be. She went to kindergarten round up, before we finalized our decision, and really liked the idea of going to school. I would also get some alone time with the other two which woudl be good for me and good for them. The oldest two don't seem to know how to exist apart from eachother because they are always together.

Not sure what i am asking for by posting this...I am convinced that HS'ing is awesome and want to, but the realisitic part of me is thinking I cant do it to the standards that my girls need and deserve, while still keeping the rest of our lives in order. I cannot sacrifice the best interest of my daughter for an ideal that I have, if she would be better off in PS. Make sense?

Any thoughts? Experience? Insight?

[talk de jour]

Just wondering -- why are you convinced that you need a schedule and structured activity?

[LilyGrace]

1.BREATHE!

If you want to do this, it will come together. Looking at your list of problems, I see many solutions, so don't feel bogged down if things don't go exactly right:

- You don't have enough time, between the baby, refereeing and all the other needs of the house.
Ok, that is a big problem, but doable.
Do you have any where in your home you can section off? A baby gate across the dining room, maybe? You can dedicate a cabinet or bookshelves to only school stuff, and have two sets of activities - one a 5yo can do alone and one to work on together as a family. When you don't have time, the 5yo can pick from the 'alone time' activities (Montessori in the home books and Preschool Activities in a Bag have some great ideas for this).

- Structure and a schedule is important

What about a routine? Would that work for you? I'm not a schedule person myself - I fill out lesson plans in pencil and day by day because I'm always changing things. But a routine is a good thing to have and important around here.

- Your daughter is very social and you're afraid homeschooling won't provide her with enough opportunities for that.

It's summertime right now, but I would suggest getting involved in a homeschool group - go on yahoo, find a group, and observe for a few weeks to see what social situations are provided with like-minded people. You may be surprised at what is out there. Our group has a weekly play date, a few monthly activities, and a co-op with a few classes. There's also after hours with friends, zoo classes, clubs and the like.

- You may need to go back to work, and you have school, and your dh isn't home much.

This is harder. If you feel homeschooling is a viable option right now, this is something you would have to sit down and discuss together to come up with a plan on how to make it continue to work on one income.

[cottonwood]

Why do you want to homeschool if you really believe that your daughter will be happier in school? It sounds like you're saying that you think she would be happier homeschooling if you could provide the right environment for her, is that right?

Is a lifestyle change at all a possibility? For instance, moving to a less expensive area or scaling down and budgeting so that you don't need as much income?

[usandthegirls]

Originally Posted by talk de jour

Just wondering -- why are you convinced that you need a schedule and structured activity?

Because i have tried it the other way and it doesn't work. it is chaos.

[usandthegirls]

Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds

Why do you want to homeschool if you really believe that your daughter will be happier in school? It sounds like you're saying that you think she would be happier homeschooling if you could provide the right environment for her, is that right?

Is a lifestyle change at all a possibility? For instance, moving to a less expensive area or scaling down and budgeting so that you don't need as much income?

We live as inexpensive as possible right now. Our only splurge is to eat out 1x/month and we have satellite dish. That's it. There are minor areas we could cut back on, but nothing that would make a big enough difference. We are currently buying a house that will cut our monthly expenses slightly, but if you'd see our budget, living expenses and income you'd realize that it really can't be done any cheaper. We live in the midwest and it's very affordable living here. Most people could not even consider making it on what we do...

I want to homeschool AND I want her to be happier while doing it. What you said is right.... if I felt like I could give her the right environment.

My husband told me I need to get off my pity party and just do what needs to be done. I guess he's right.

[hsmamato2]

I think you can give her the best environment, her family! I think the reason you want to homeschool,is b/c you already know that....
But the reality of starting can feel like a LOT- just remember, you said 2 things in your post,
1st, you yourself are NOT a schedule type person
2nd, that you think your kids are.
Here's something I learned years ago in hs'ing.... if Mama ain't happy,ain't nobody happy! I say this b/c it's usually mama who does the hs'ing and keeping house- as mama, you've learned to adapt your life to what your kids need,and hs'ing is EXACTLY the same, it's just an extension of what you've already done! If you've gotten this far,and have created some sort of routine/schedule that you can all live with,why stress,just b/c this is her fall that she turns 5,and think things will instantly change,and you're going to have to become something you've never been? If you truly don't live with a strict schedule now, being of school age doesn't have to change that,it just means adding new things into your life as you see fit-
The reality is this, things do change,but gradually, you don't go from taking care of a newborn to a 4 year old instantly, likewise, your kids and their school/social needs will change,but gradually!
Remember,just b/c a child is the magic age of 5 doesn't mean you have to pull out all the stops,and prepare them for college ,but you will see, how starting out, you'll do things together,some you'll continue,others you'll change(yet again) and it will all be ok! give yourself 6 months or a year,and then reassess-you don't have to decide it all right now.....

[Max'sMama]

Update for all please~ I know, since I saw you yesterday, but.....no one else does!

[usandthegirls]

Originally Posted by Max'sMama

Update for all please~ I know, since I saw you yesterday, but.....no one else does!

You're a goose

Ok-we decided to take a bit of each world, so to speak. We are enrolling DD in the homeschool assistance program our district offers. I am not quite sure of the details yet, as far as how often she will go there but I am thinking it's two days/week for a couple hours. A very convenient feature of this plan is that the school the HSAP is in is two blocks from our new house. We can walk! Yay!

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am still feeling shaky, but much better about all this.