What will they become

[Tinas3muskateers]

I am struggling with my teenaged daughter. She isnt on drugs, staying out all night, getting into trouble with the cops or any of that stuff. She is however incrediably lazy, has no drive, has no goals, has no passion for anything, sits at home and eats, watches tv and goes online. The only social time she gets is when her boyfriend is over here or she is at his house or the mall with him. She rarely goes with her girlfriends, not that I mind because most of them she doesnt hang out with for good reason. The girls she always hung out with in middle school and the early years of high school are now into drugs, and other things she has no interest being around. Which is awesome but I wish she would find a new group of friends, a hobby, a job, volenteer some where, get out and walk or job, something anything. I always hate asking her for help around the house because I get such additude from her. Its like I am asking her to make peace in the world and stop world hunger. Its such a big deal to unload and load the dishwasher, now I only as her to unload just so I dont have to hear the huge sigh, or the grumble, or the whine coming from her. I ask her to watch her brothers sometimes, and its basically the payment for her cell phone she promised to pay after May of this year and she has yet to make one payment. So in return I ask her to watch her brothers if her father and I go out a few hours, or if I have a doctors appointment, or right now we are trying to help my father sell his home and we have a lot of owork that needs done on it they need my help and when I ask her to keep an eye on them its like I just asked her to loan me her kidneys. She never has plans so its not like I interupting her life, she doesnt have one. Her life is her bedroom, her tv, her pc, food and her boyfriend. Thats it. Not sure what I am asking for here or if I am just here to vent. I worry about her future, will she be this lazy, unsocial and have a lack of passion and drive as an adult? I worry that she wont be all she can be, and she will just watch Maury, eat, talk on the phone and spend no time with anyone but her boyfriend. I like him, he is a nice kid, he is funny, he is nice to her, I dont have a problem with her having him in her life but I wish she had something of her own, a skill, a passion, a goal something anything.... ok now I am rambling lol...

FYI she is 16, going into the 11th grade

[Arduinna]

It sounds like she might be in a transition period? You know outgrowing the people she was friends with and finding herself and where she belongs. Maybe for right now she needs a break? I know we tend to think it's better if people are busy with friends and activities but it doesn't sound like she shutting herself off from everyone.

My dd has been going through that for awhile. Her friends ended up growing into people she doesn't want to be friends with anymore and she hasn't replaced them yet, except her new boyfriend She kinda dumped the last one.

[silly_scout]

There are several shades of "normal" for teenagers. It is "normal" to be an overachiever, it's "normal" to be into drinking and pot (though maybe not acceptable), and it's "normal" to be sloth-like. I know you want the best for your daughter, but I think you need to accept who she is right now (though I think you should still have the expectations that she will do her chores and obligations.) As long as she is not suffering from depression (and you may want to look into this), she is just being a teenager.
I am so opposite of what I was as a teenager. I was self-conscious, lazy, unmotivated, disaffected... I overheard my father say to my mother one night "She'll never make anything of herself at this rate!" Whatever. I'm an English high school teacher (on sabbatical until my children are older), I'm a successful freelance writer, an artist, and I have a beautiful daughter. My life turned out awesome. I'm not a cardiologist living in the Hamptons, but all's right with the world. Your daughter will be fine, too.

[Tinas3muskateers]

Originally Posted by silly_scout

There are several shades of "normal" for teenagers. It is "normal" to be an overachiever, it's "normal" to be into drinking and pot (though maybe not acceptable), and it's "normal" to be sloth-like. I know you want the best for your daughter, but I think you need to accept who she is right now (though I think you should still have the expectations that she will do her chores and obligations.) As long as she is not suffering from depression (and you may want to look into this), she is just being a teenager.
I am so opposite of what I was as a teenager. I was self-conscious, lazy, unmotivated, disaffected... I overheard my father say to my mother one night "She'll never make anything of herself at this rate!" Whatever. I'm an English high school teacher (on sabbatical until my children are older), I'm a successful freelance writer, an artist, and I have a beautiful daughter. My life turned out awesome. I'm not a cardiologist living in the Hamptons, but all's right with the world. Your daughter will be fine, too.

My husband said what your father said to your mother today. "If she keeps up like this she is never going to do anything with herself. She sits around and watches tv all day and goes online. She is mouthy and doesnt ever help around the house and I am sick of it"

Oh and he commented on what a horrible speller she is and her writting is terrible, that is why she cannot get a job anywhere. She has applied for nearly 15 jobs and not one place as called her back. I wish she was intrested in something. Everything she wants to do involves fighting, she wants to box, then kick box, then Thi Fighting, all these things that she could really hurt herself doing. She did take Taekowndo for gee aleast 12 years on and off but she has no interest in it anymore. It wasnt has rough as boxing. I want my baby to keep her nose lol.

[terrordactyl]

has she tried typing her job application or having someone else write it for her it is okay to do that

[oldgirl,newtricks]

She sounds very much like my oldest, who is now 23. When he was 16 I told him that it was time for him to get a job. If he chose not to work, the Internet would be turned off. We didn't have TV at the time.

For my part, I helped him locate a job within biking distance of the house, made sure he had his work permit, etc. If the weather was really bad, then I made the commitment to get him to work and pick him up. He worked about 15 hours a week.

I found that getting him out of the house helped a bunch. I really would have preferred that he been able to participate in sports or something, but that just wasn't his interests. I did explain to him that I was only expecting the same thing that had been expected of me and his dad and that was to do some part-time work and begin saving some money to purchase items he wanted.

[Susie1]

I remember having a lazy period in my teen years when I was not motivated to be "doing". I very much wanted to sleep and lay around, but felt guilty so I constantly fought myself over the urge. I had a hard time with self-acceptance about that. After I turned 19, I became an energetic powerhouse. Actually my 30's were the most energetic I have ever been. Don't worry, stuff changes. Does she seem happy?

[smillerhouse]

Both of my kids are very energetic. My son though did get into a phase around a year ago,no maybe longer year and half???? All he wanted to do was game and sit arond and eat. He souldn't partipate regularly in the acitivies he had been doing for years (scouting and fencing and paintballing) He was going throuh a transiton. He was not ready to start college. Around last spring,he seemed to have processed out of it-got tired of being in the house and aming a lot. He went back tko scouts and is alsmost done with is Eagle. He is helpin so much at fiencing I get concerned aobut him-he has helped with the feincing class 5 days so far this week.
He is excited aobut starting cc in the fall. He will be 17 Sept. 5. In June, he took all the tests needed to get in and came clse to pssing Cleps in Western Civ and Macroecnomics. He will take Sociology on Thursday.
I tried to be understanding and supportive and still insisted that he do a certain amount of sutff in the home.
There are a lot of phases and it is important for me to be patient,supportive. Sallie