night weaning - any insight?

[blue_salsify]

it seems my 14mo co-sleeping DD isn't reducing her nighttime neediness. if anything it's increased (possibly the heat and her molars coming in). so we're thinking hard about night weaning.

problem is i don't think she's 'ready'. she detests falling asleep. letting go and relaxing is very hard for her, and she usually needs comfort nursing to get to/back to sleep. not infrequently she won't even nurse to sleep well, she'll pull off and flop around the bed (ah! baby is kicking : ) and sometimes has to be worn to sleep.

i do plan to tandem nurse, but i'm having a hard time imagining the energy required at nighttime if my second child is like my first regarding sleep. so i'd love to hear people's experiences w/ night weaning.

one concern i have is that she'll still wake up a lot in the night and my husband will have to bear the burden, which he is perfectly willing and capable of doing, but i feel since i'm the stay-at-home parent, that i should do it. do most kids that night wean also stop waking so much and needing elaborate lengths to get them back to sleep throughout the night? and do they go down for naps the same way? TIA!

[susanrc]

I wish I had some advice but 14 mon. is a really tough age to nightwean. Your DD sounds exactly like mine and around that time she did go through a phase where she wanted to nurse around the clock: It was very frustrating we even tried at that time to put her in her own crib and not nurse for a night- WOW that was NOT a good idea. I think we both got about 2 hrs of sleep because I slept in her room w/ her thinking that would comfort her more. Alls I can say it does get better. I know this has to be harder for you because your pregnant. Maybe someone out there will have some good advice for ya My DD only nurses now at naptime and bedtime and sometimes once or twice throughout the night. I honestly do not know if she will wean b-4 this baby comes or not. I do not think I have any milk supply left so she is just sucking for comfort. Only time will tell. Good luck to you

[ohiomommy1122]

this helped us we went from 8+ feedings a night to now 0-1 times a night

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

[crsta33]

I used a modified Dr. Jay Gordon method to nightwean my high need dd. I ended up doing it without dh's help though...he just couldn't do much to calm her anyway, so I would turn her back to my tummy and pull her in really close and hold her until she fell back to sleep.

She really slept better and longer after nightweaning, so did my ds. I nightweaned him basically the same way and he still falls asleep cuddled up with his back to my tummy.

Good luck.

Christa

[starry_mama]

I nightweaned Julian about a month ago, and he was 14 months. He was nursing more than 10 times a night (more like 15) and I couldn't take it anymore. The only way we could get nightweaning to work without serious tears was to have the boys move into their own room. Now they sleep together (their room is RIGHT next to ours, and they are welcome to sleep with us if they wake at night).

Basically, DH got up with Julian for a couple nights in a row and gave him a drink of water or a snack or whatever, and by day 3 or 4, he was sleeping all night. Well, he gets up around 4am, and nurses now, but I consider that sleeping through the night. He also goes to bed MUCH easier now, although that wasn't a goal specifically. He doesn't need to nurse to sleep anymore, DH or I just read the boys a story, give them their cups of water and leave the room. They fall asleep on their own now. Its amazing.

[SheBear]

13-14 months is about the time I started night-weaning each of mine. I mostly used my own intuition and a few tips from Pantley (No-Cry Sleep Solution) and looked at it as a process, not an event.

HOWEVER. I've never been able to co-sleep that long....my back problems (arthritis) have forced me to give up actual co-sleeping much beyond 4-5 months. I just find myself guarding more at night while cosleeping, and it puts too much constant strain on my already taxed spine. Anyway, I do still keep the babies close by--in a pack-n-play right by the bed. This time around, I'm hoping maybe to invest in an actual co-sleeper, hoping that might give me more time and closeness.

But all that has nothing to do with your question, LOL! Sorry! Anyway, from my experience, yes, nightweaning does cut down on night wakings, and the night wakings that do still occurr are much briefer and not fraught with screaming (you or the baby, lol!) I found sippy cups of water by the bed helped most--I think so often why they really woke was not because of hunger, but because of thirst!

Also, try giving yourself tiny little goals "okay, tonight we're gonna try to make it until midnight without nursing" then add another hour every couple weeks...I found this MUCH better for my stress level than thinking it had to be all or nothing. Because I tend to be a very black-and-white person, much to my detriment at times.....starting out with a "we'll see how this works" attitude helped me to keep things in perspective and not internalize it as personal failure when things got rocky.

And of course, keep in mind things such as teething, colds, separation anxiety, etc...all those things will likely affect the process.

Best of luck with it! I can't imagine how difficult it would be to be "on duty" during the night for two! : It was bad enough for awhile there, when ds2 was tiny, ds1 was transitioning from overnight training pants to real underwear, and I was up once or twice a night helping him use the potty! It was rough! Which reminds me that I've got to get busy making that same change with dd NOW, so we aren't in the same spot when this baby is born! I'm thinking it will be easier with dd, as she already stays dry through the night prolly 95% of the time.

Again, that has nothing to do with your thread--sorry! And good luck!

[Beppie]

I wish I had advice, but like someone else posted, I can't imagine my dd night-weaning at the age of 14 months. She nursed all night long until she was well past 18 months, and didn't night-wean until I got pregnant when she was around 21-22 months. But I'm sure it's possible!

I think it was easier to encourage my DD to night-wean when she was 22 months b/c already then her speech development was so much improved, and she understood my words better when I said in the middle of the night, "ga ga is sleeping, we'll have ga ga in the morning," or "mommy is here with you, go back to sleep." She was reassured by my words since she understood what I was saying.

I hope the night-nursing does manage to lessen for you! I know it can be tiring, especially with pregnancy.