I dont like my 13yo right now.

[Strong Mama]

I dont. Ok, at least I am honest.
Hes not a bad kid. Hes not into drugs, or stealing or beating up people.
But hes so lazy. And selfish. He does not care about his little brother, he picks on him all the time, makes fun of him, doesnt really play or spend anytime with him. I ask him to do things with us, like swim, or go to the store, and hed rather now. But then he complains afterwards: we never do anything with him.: He shirks off his family, his little cousins come over to play with him, he ignores them. His older cousin who is 23 came over to see us the other day, he ignored her, but later on in the day, he asked her for a ride behind my back. He used her. His granpa was out in the 90 degree heat picking up sticks to mow, and ds was sat on his backside playing a game, didnt even offer to help. He backchats me with attitude, and it really hurts my feelings. I let him do fun stuff, he can go out and hang out with his friends, he goes places. I give him lots of freedome to grow and explore the world. He does not care about anyone but himself. I am really sick of it, and find myself yelling at him more and more. I called him a smartass the other day. I just dont like being around him right now. ANy ideas? Suggestiions, or hope??

[cocopop71]

All I can do if offer some s and those just seem so crummy....I totally know where you are, what you feel..I've been there AND I'm going through it all again (lord help me). It's just a hard age! The only thing I can offer is I try to tell myself that *I* too was at that age.....what I call "unloveable".
I try to find the positives in my kids..especially at that age..the fact they don't run off, run with a bad crowd, do drugs, smoke, because I know there are so many that do.
The lazy thing...I hear ya. It's a constant battle.
Hang in there.

[Arduinna]

sometimes teens are annoying, even if they are good kids. It's ok to be annoyed with them. I guess the hope I will pass on will be that even though they can be selfcentered, in noticing or caring about stuff around them, they aren't always and won't always be that way. It's really hard to make the transition from kid to adult and I think everything going on in their heads distracts them. That doesn't mean it's ok to ignore your grandfather out in the heat picking up stuff.

[SusanElizabeth]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

sometimes teens are annoying, even if they are good kids. It's ok to be annoyed with them. I guess the hope I will pass on will be that even though they can be selfcentered, in noticing or caring about stuff around them, they aren't always and won't always be that way. It's really hard to make the transition from kid to adult and I think everything going on in their heads distracts them. That doesn't mean it's ok to ignore your grandfather out in the heat picking up stuff.

YES!!!! I agree. My daughter was very moody and difficult a year ago, but seems to be feeling much better than she did last summer (fingers crossed).
My older daughter also went through difficult times at around 14 or 15, but is now a happy 20 year old. You'll get through this! They all go through these phases.

[Susie1]

A strategy from another post really helped me when I was getting annoyed with too many teens in my place. I hope it is okay to copy and paste from one thread to another when it applies.

mamakarata wrote:

I will only add this perspective too. If you think of the tiny slice of your life spent with your kids, and how even tinier this teen stage is, that they are still home with you, and how important it is that you get to share this with them, remember in time, you will live to be thankful of the chaos. It helps me. I actually really enjoy their antics and how they relate. It's fun if you think about it.


I was grateful for this reminder. I still get kinda annoyed and bitchy -- but the above is a good thought to use when that happens, and then I get in a better place to let some of the small stuff go. People are forever evolving.

[Kerlowyn]

I hear you OP....

I also have a young teen. Much of your post describes him as well, both the good and not so good. He can be so selfish, so self centered, non helpful, picks on his little brother :

But, he is a good kid, and well liked by his teacher and his friends. He is just so darn.....well......unlikeable at times!!!

He has been staying with his bio dad for the last 2 weeks (it is the longest he has been with him his whole life I really miss him, but I admit, it has been a bit nice having time apart

[UUMom]

Did you talk with him about the situation with his grandfather? I can put up with a lot, but something like that is most likely beyond my patience level. i would have spoken to my child at the time about it , and explained to him that helping his grandfather would be the respectful thing to do, and as a personal favor would he get up off his buttocks. Sometimes kids don't understand what decency is until we tell them. I would probably have pretty insistent about it, if it was my FIL involved, (who was a wonderful man my kids adored. He died a a little over a year ago).

But really, kids can't read our minds, and they don't always understand what loved ones find important. It's hard to balance this with not pulling the 'guilt' card, but ime, it can be discussed in honesty and respect

[Bestbirths]

I hear you. Mine 14 yr old has played halo all day today. But she has a double ear infection and still loaded the dishwasher and folded some laundry. I put her into counseling and their goal was to decrease oppositional behavior. One day last week (after two counseling sessions) I'd had it with her crappy stress creating attitude so I tried to drop her off at a teen home run by CPS. They wouldn't take her though, but did talk to her for 2 hours. They had her and myself sign a mediation agreement and sent her home with me. She's been fairly nice since. She's making a lot of progress in her attitude in many areas...really...one of the two counselors she's talked to must have gotten through to her....

[smillerhouse]

I really try to choose my battles and stay the psitve encouraging gentle mom as mucha s I possibly can. My dd is 14. Yesterday was challnging as she had a very intense voolyball camp all week. I just wanted her to chill at home and said next week I could take her to a movie (during day) and also to work out. She wanted to go to a movie becasue it was Friday night. Brother, nearly17 ended up taking her and her 14 year old friend to 8:15 movie. I said there could be no more than one friend going. I think another friend met them at the movie.
At this age and stage,it seems very difficult for h er to not be on the go -that is what the a lot of the battles are about. She has always been extremly high energy and I understqnd that and respect that and porvide many channeles for that. There are limits though to my energy and to her dad's and it is not her brother's job to constantly transport her placers. P:lus,where she goes needs to have proeper supervison. I find this age and stage very exhausting. She is sleepin now and it is not realsistic for her to go anywhere today. Sallie

[smillerhouse]

I really try to choose my battles and stay the psitve encouraging gentle mom as mucha s I possibly can. My dd is 14. Yesterday was challnging as she had a very intense voolyball camp all week. I just wanted her to chill at home and said next week I could take her to a movie (during day) and also to work out. She wanted to go to a movie becasue it was Friday night. Brother, nearly17 ended up taking her and her 14 year old friend to 8:15 movie. I said there could be no more than one friend going. I think another friend met them at the movie.
At this age and stage,it seems very difficult for h er to not be on the go -that is what the a lot of the battles are about. She has always been extremly high energy and I understqnd that and respect that and porvide many channeles for that. There are limits though to my energy and to her dad's and it is not her brother's job to constantly transport her placers. P:lus,where she goes needs to have proeper supervison. I find this age and stage very exhausting. She is sleepin now and it is not realsistic for her to go anywhere today.Freinds are very,very important at this age but I find she does better in doeses of about 2-3 hours at a time. She is an introvert and that camp was veryoverwhelming for her-12 hourss a day with coaches and irls that were unfamiliar to her. I do try to limit her time to the "gorup" out here to a once a week movie ,on Friday night. Sallie

[fek&fuzz]

My boyfriend's daughter is 14, and I can still remember being that age, and when my older sister was that age. It's such a difficult age. You think that everyone else in the world is doing something cool and you are stuck with your loser family. And the boredom - why is everything "boring" at that age? I can remember sitting around with my friends for hours on end being bored. We'd put suggestions in a hat of things to do, and then just reject them all as "boring."

My landlady's grandson is visiting from Germany, he's 14, and he's bored. He's signed up for sailing lessons and he doesn't like it. He doesn't want to play basketball, the beach is boring. And yet, last summer he loved all these things.

I think that the boredom and sleeping is just the mind and body preparing for and dealing with all the huge changes they are going through - physically and mentally. It's like the cocoon stage before they turn into butterflies.

And the lashing out and back talk is them testing their boundaries, separating from their parents.

It does suck though, my sister fought so much with mom my when she was that age, but now they are very close.

[mtiger]

Huh. I don't have a 14yo at the moment, but I'm straddling with a 13 and a 15. They're great kids. We all have our moments, which I try to remember when I ask things of them. But overall, they pitch in as needed.

Yeah, they can be moody. And mouthy at times. But ya know..... so can I.