9 month old is having a temper tantrum

[mama_kass]

So I'm talking on the phone with my non-AP friend. Her 9 month old is screaming in the back round and she says "I'm not picking him up he's just having a temper tantrum. I know you don't believe me but I know my child and he is having a tantrum."

I said nothing. This is so hard for me to control myself. I don't want to come across to her like I know better and am a better mom. I just want to say "Please hold your baby."

What do you do when similar things happen? I unfortunatly find our friendship dwindling after 23 years because we parent so different. It's hard.

[AnnaReilly]

Is it possible that her DS WAS having a temper tantrum? I know it sounds far-fetched but my DD starting having tantrums a month ago (at about 9 months)... By tantrum I mean, I take away a potentially dangerous item and she screams and cries like she is seriously injured. I handle the tantrum by telling her that I know she wants to play with X but it is dangerous and I will not allow her to play with it. Then I direct her to an appropriate toy but she still sometimes fusses for awhile. In those instances, holding her just makes her more angry.

So I'm not saying that your friend was necessarily "right," but she may not be as "wrong" as you think she is. KWIM?

[VenalAnatomica]

By tantrum I mean, I take away a potentially dangerous item and she screams and cries like she is seriously injured.

my 9 month old just started doing this as well.
Holding her definetely does not make her happy at those times either.
She's a busy girl....

[1boy1girl]

My Ds started having tantrums about that age too. And as someone else said, holding him made it worse.

[artgirl]

I just want to add that my dd started having tantrums at about 10 months. She'd be crawling toward a plant and I'd pick her up and the screaming and body jerking would begin. She also did not want to be held. She was mad at mama and just wanted to get it out. I'd also tell her that I knew she was frustrated that she couldn't touch the *cactus* but that it would hurt her hand if she grabbed it...
You never know.....

[laralou]

nevermind I misread the post

Ya'll don't scare me! I have two easy to console 8 month olds right now! I hate to think of what is to come.

[mama_kass]

I understand what you are saying about taking something and dc getting upset. You just take the object and redirect the child as has been posted. I wish this were the case with my friend. His temper tantrums involve wanting to be held by his mama and her not wanting to.

I have been on the phone with her and she has let her baby cry for 20 minutes straight. The baby cries because he wants to be picked up not because she just took something from him. He wants to be held. She says he'll realize he can't just get what he wants all the time and stop crying soon. She says that he needs to understand that she has other things to do other than sit and hold him all day. Believe me, I have tried to get her to use a sling. I have explained to her that you can do almost anything in a sling. She likes the idea of the sling but she says if she does that he will want to be held all the time and she is not going to do that. So, she pops a bottle in his mouth and walks away while he screams.

I don't know. I really don't like the way she parents. I think babies need to be held as much as they want. I give my baby whatever he wants because what he wants is what he needs.

It is hard for me to see her parent in this way because this is not my style and I in fact feel the oppisite towards parenting. It is also hard because we had our babies together and our differnt styles are pulling us apart.

[AnnaReilly]

I see what you're saying Mama Kass...

Crying because you aren't getting your way and it makes you angry is a tantrum. Crying because a need isn't being met is a whole different story.

Unfortunately there is a lot of bad information out there that makes people think that being held and loved isn't a need.

I don't really have any advice about the friendship... Maybe it's closed-minded of me but I would have a really hard time maintaining a friendship with your friend if I were you. There are lot of things I can agree to disagree with people on, but there are also some things that are really important to me that I can't compromise on... especially if it's something that comes up all the time.