Mama of one expecting number two

[lyttlewon]

These last few days with DD seem so meaningful. Is anyone else noticing that? I keep thinking little things when she sits on my lap about how much life is going to change for her and hoping she enjoys being a sister. There is so much stuff I still haven't figured out like where to sleep! DD still sleeps in her crib side car so I am not sure where to put a baby. I am sure DD will want to sleep with the baby but she is such a snuggle bug. Is sleeping with a sibling considered any more of a risk than sleeping with a parent? DD keeps waivering back and forth between saying she is a big girl, which was such a big deal before, to saying she is still a baby. We have such a close relationship it is hard to imagine what it will be like with a baby attached to me all the time.

[mamamoo]

Aww...I remember vividly those weeks before having Maddy, and with each kiddo I think about how things will change(it's never been as much as from 0-1 and 1-2).

I just wanted to chime in on the co-sleeping thing. I have always just added the new baby to the bed. Usually I will have the baby on one side(with no one else next to him/her), and everyone else on teh other, but really I have baby in my arm all night long(on one side or another), and have felt totally safe, even with my super deep/moving sleepers. When VIolet was born we often had Travis, me, and all four of the kids in bed with us, half of them at our feet. LOL King sized bed. It was cramped, but everyone was happy(ok, me, not so much all the time, but good memories). This time VIolet is usually the only one in bed with me in a KING and I don't even use half the bed because I am so used to be squished to one side or another. LOL
I really think even kiddos have an instictual feeling about their surroundings in sleep, and I really feel ok it all...

[mama2walden&luna]

I know what you are saying, Aimee, I keep thinking of not being able to pick up dd for the first several weeks because of the risk of hemmorage and then just to be safe. I pick her up all the time, sometimes playing, sometimes kicking and screaming because she doesn't want to come inside for her nap. I worry that she'll get so used to me not picking her up, she'll stop wanting me to. Also the snuggling thing, she snuggles up to me in bed a lot and I worry that she'll feel left out with me having to sleep facing the baby. I'm worrying about a lot of things really. I do hope there's not a lot of jealousy issues and that she enjoys being a big sister. I loved it, but then again, I was 6 when Kate was born, so I didn't need to be held and was sleeping in my own bed by then. I just wanted to change her diapers and feed her.
Like Marah Jade, Walden is vascillating between baby and big girl. Some days she wants a diaper, other days it's panties. She's been insisting on riding in the infant stroller when we take our walks, and wants nothing to do with her umbrella stroller. She even holds out her arms and says, "wha!" She even carries around her straw cup calling it a bottle. I don't know where she got that from, since she never drank out of one. I just hope she doesn't find the adjustment too difficult. And I am trying to play with her as much as I can and cherish our last few days alone. It's sad, really, makes me feel pretty melancholy.

[Cujobunny]

I have been thinking about this too the last few days. It struck me that I may only have a couple more wks left that Trent is my only child. I am making special efforts to have fun with him. I just have to keep reminding myself that a sibling will add to his life. I do think he will like being a big brother.

[dantesmama]

As the birth gets closer I find myself second-guessing our decision to have another child so soon. DS isn't even two yet, and I'm feeling very guilty that I'm not going to be able to give him 100% of my attention anymore. We wanted our children closely spaced because we both grew up with siblings very close in age, and felt it was for the best. I still think it's the best decision for our family in the long run . . . but I feel so bad about taking away DS's only-child status. I feel like a traitor, almost! He's still my baby and I want him to be able to stay a baby for as long as he needs to, kwim? :

[artgoddess]

I second guessed the decision for so long we waited to get pregnant until later than we initially planned. I still worry about it daily, my son is 3.5. I love our time together, I love being free to just slowly wake up and cuddle and say good morning to the sun.

[mom22girls]

I'm really lucky. My transition went fairly smoothly. We had a couple of issues in the beginning, but now to see the girls play together or snuggled up on the couch together - is really great. I always tell my girls that no matter how big they get, they will always be my babies!!!

[artgirl]

I remember feeling the same way as I was about to have #2. Looking at my dd and just thinking about how much I was going to miss our time. BUT things turned out great. We all adjusted and this morning as I left for work my dd said to her little brother (now 2.5) "come and snuggle with me... I'm just like mama." And he DID! The sibling relationship has been such a wonderful blessing.

As far as co-sleeping... we also just added babe to our bed, even though our dd was still sleeping with us. I had her on one side and ds on the other. I personally wouldn't let the two sleep right next to each other until your second is bigger. My dd kicks a lot in her sleep and I just don't think they are aware enough in their sleeping to be next to a newborn. They pull covers around... it just scares me. But I think keeping everyone in the bed helped to alleviate any displaced feelings.

I also tell my kids that no matter how big they get they are still my babies and always will be. Once your new baby arrives you won't have time to be too melancholy about the loss of time with your first. I just made sure when the baby was napping to play with my dd. Also, naptime... I nursed ds while dd was falling asleep so I could still be with her then also. Most times ds fell asleep too and I'd very carefully lay down and enjoy holding my two. Those are such nice memories!

[lyttlewon]

Kelly that is good to hear. I have heard so much negative so far. My mom warned me the other day that DD was going to regress more into being babyish. I understand people want you to be prepared but sometimes the negative is too much KWIM?

Alexandra I too had a second child more for DD to experience a sibling than I did simply wanting more children. Maybe that is a bad idea : but my siblings are so important to me.

[mamamoo]

Aww...I hope my horror stories are not scaring you. LOL I would not have it any other way...even though my kids fight and stuff, I know they love each other, and I think a sibling(or 2, or 4 ) is the best gift I could ever give them. Many of our transitions were smooth, the easiest being Sam inot the family. Maddy was going on four yrs old, and I think that was an awesome spread. Just perfect for understanding and her being able to be involved, very little jealousy there. Marah will be an amazing big sis.

[Alohamelly]

My DD is a lot older and she's really excited about the baby, but I still worry about what having a sibling is going to do to her really. She's been an only for so long and we're so close now, I don't want her relationship to change. I know that it will, but I hope it's not too traumatic for her.

[sagira]

I feel a special connection to my sweet boy too. He's so loving, is so excited about his new baby sister.. he falls asleep hugging my belly and wakes up first thing in the morning wanting to "kiss the baby". He's also very proud to show her (my belly) off to anyone who's around.

Now that he's almost 4 (September 2) I feel much more of a special connection with him. We have meaningful conversations, share love, fears, ideas.. I am wondering how everything is going to be with her around too.

I'm excited, but at the same time I'm mourning a certain loss of exclusivity with ds. I think I feel it especially keenly because I'm an only child. Not knowing anything else and being an alien to sibling relationships, I feel a bit apprehensive about it, but especially sympathetic with ds. Dh too, since he's a firstborn. My mom, who's the youngest of two, sympathizes with her already and tells me the intricacies of her pain. Oh man :

Going back to ds, I'm treasuring these last few days/weeks, and I hope for a little longer to go so I can enjoy it with my beautiful little boy I'm going to post a belly pic with him posing next to it in the belly pic section.

Update: I just posted my pictures. Feel free to check them out in the belly pics sticky

[mamameeyah]

It's like you mamas have been reading my mind! I've been feeling like this is the end of an era, worrying that ds and I won't ever have the same close relationship again. I've been wondering whether I was just being selfish by deciding to have another child, when I can never give them both what I give ds right now. I feel like I'm cheating on my son. It's encouraging to know I'm not the only one sorting through these feelings. I'm also trying to figure out how to have the same connection with a daughter, when all I know is how to love a boy.

[danotoyou2]

I have mixed feelings about it all... because while I know that having a baby will take time and attention away from DS now, I also know that having a brother so close in age will be a huge gift to him. My nephews were 20 months apart, and were close throughout childhood and their teenage years (the younger died at age 18), and really, were best of friends. I hope that DS and his new brother feel the same way about each other, because I really think that it's the way to have a family.

On the other hand... two boys!!! Eek! I'm trying to spend more time with DS in these last few weeks. Luckily, he's a daddy's boy, so I know that as long as daddy keeps paying lots of attention to him, he'll be content. It would be harder if he were so attached to me.

I'm also worried about the co-sleeping thing. We'll be sleeping with both boys, and it's going to get cramped!

[Cujobunny]

Originally Posted by mamameeyah

I'm also trying to figure out how to have the same connection with a daughter, when all I know is how to love a boy.

:

I just keep reminding myself that I'm glad I'm not an only child. I loved having brothers.

[Mearaina]

When I was expecting R I made M and I a special dinner and we ate all fancy. It was fun and gave me a special memory with her. With each child, though, it seems to mean less, though . Maybe I am just getting used to a group.

[artgirl]

I know these are all normal feelings to work through... everyone in their own way and in their own time BUT I want to reassure you from someone who's BTDT that it all works out fine. I had a dd first and wondered about mothering a boy.... there was SO nothing to worry about! I worried about the loss of one-on-one with my dd and our exclusive relationship...
Again... SO nothing to worry about. It all worked out beautifully for the better I think. I wouldn't go back for anything.
I'm not saying there weren't challenges at times but on the whole... I've found it to be SUCH a joy to have more than one child in so many ways that I never would've imagined!
I still take each of them out separately on "dates" sometimes but mostly we just have fun together.
Love is an amazing thing. It expands without limits and the more you give the more you receive. Because you love one doesn't mean you can't love another just as much. I can look at my dd and think "there's no one in the world that I love like I love her" and then turn and look at my ds and think the SAME thought... and know that they are both true without being conflicting if that makes sense.
So keep processing through those feelings because it's part of your growth but be at peace about it mamas. You're going to end up in such a happy place with your beautiful families!

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by artgirl

I know these are all normal feelings to work through... everyone in their own way and in their own time BUT I want to reassure you from someone who's BTDT that it all works out fine. I had a dd first and wondered about mothering a boy.... there was SO nothing to worry about! I worried about the loss of one-on-one with my dd and our exclusive relationship...
Again... SO nothing to worry about. It all worked out beautifully for the better I think. I wouldn't go back for anything.
I'm not saying there weren't challenges at times but on the whole... I've found it to be SUCH a joy to have more than one child in so many ways that I never would've imagined!
I still take each of them out separately on "dates" sometimes but mostly we just have fun together.
Love is an amazing thing. It expands without limits and the more you give the more you receive. Because you love one doesn't mean you can't love another just as much. I can look at my dd and think "there's no one in the world that I love like I love her" and then turn and look at my ds and think the SAME thought... and know that they are both true without being conflicting if that makes sense.
So keep processing through those feelings because it's part of your growth but be at peace about it mamas. You're going to end up in such a happy place with your beautiful families!

Very well said.