Bedtimes for 6 or 7 yo and parent alone time

[NaturalMamma]

What time does your 6 or 7ish go to bed?

For our almost 7yo, many nights it's been 10 or later.
We've had a crazy couple of years between moving and surgery.... so she is sleeping in our bed (which isn't the big issue here). We're trying to get back to some sort of rhythm of bedtime, though.

We homeschool, DD doesn't have siblings, so our schedule is flexible and most times she will sleep in.

However, DH and I need some alone time too, so it would be wonderful if we could get her to sleep by 8/8:30 most nights. Sometimes DH would like to see a TV program or rent a movie that isn't appropriate for DD to see. Or how about some intimacy.

What happens is we'll get her on a rhythm where she's asleep by 8:30. But then, if we let her stay up late one night (she plays w/neighborhood kids outside or we go to a festival...), then it takes us several nights to get her back into that rhythm. We parent her to sleep (stories, sometimes a little backrub or singing, etc.) and then stay w/her until she falls asleep. Oftentimes the one who is doing this falls asleep w/her and that's the end of the evening.

How do things work at your house?

cindi

[AngieB]

My 6 and 8 year old are in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 most nights. I'll read to them for a little while and then say good night. I don't make them go to sleep, they may stay up in bed and read for as long as they like, they just can't be up. Usually they fall asleep soon after. Sometimes they get to stay up late to watch a movie or we are out late at a friends but that doesn't seem to effect there schedule.

[HarperRose]

By 8:30 it's lights out. Not EVERY night, of course, and when it doesn't happen that way it does take a few days to get back into the routine, but most nights. It works out pretty well.

We start them getting ready for bed about 8, brush teeth, change clothes, get water, get animals, etc, so that at 8:30, prayers have been said, hugs and kisses have been shared, night-light is on, Bible Story tape or instrumental music is on and lights are OUT.

We do get little dumplings popping out of their room from time to time but we just deal w/ the issue and send them back to bed.

[ABand3]

My 7 year old goes to bed at about 9. How late does she sleep in? Maybe she's getting enough sleep by sleeping in and needs to wake up earlier in order to be tired earlier? My 7 y.o. wakes up between 7-7:30 in the morning, and by 9 p.m. he is wiped out, falls asleep within minutes of getting in bed. If he's been cranky we'll push bedtime back to 8:30 for a couple nights and he catches up.

Would your DD be content to read, listen to an audiobook or music, or just play quietly at night if she's not sleepy and you & DH wanted to be in another room?

[Terrilein]

We start our bedtime routine usually by 7:30 so that dd is in bed and lights are out by 8 pm. She watches Sponge Bob, gets her pj's on, we brush teeth, wash face, give the cat a snack, say goodnight to my DH and then it's off to bed. I refill her water cup, put on music of her choice and turn on her nightlight, snuggle a little and then it's good night. We keep up this rhythm even during breaks/weekends because yeah, if she's up too late one night, the cycle gets really whacky. When she visits her dad I KNOW she's up until 10 pm nights - she so cranky when she comes home, over-tired and is hard to wake in the morning - and usually I don't have to wake her! We do have party nights here, too. We get our pj's on, I make popcorn and we watch a film, paint our nails, etc. But I still make sure she gets to bed no later than 9 pm.

[burke-a-bee]

Now that it is summerr my 7yo has been going to bed at about 11. On school nights usually around 9:30 or 10. About an hour before bed time he gets in bed and reads a chapter book or two. Eventually I have to ask him to stop reading and go to bed. After about 2 or 3 reminders I have to turn off the light and sometimes take the book away. Otherwise he will turn the light back on and read all night.

[CarrieMF]

My kids are 5, 6 & 8. During the school year they go to bed at 8 unless there is no school the next day then it is 9 or 10. My 8 yo will stay up till 11 or 12 & pretty much has pushed her bedtime to 8:30 now.

During the summer it's 8 at the earliest, 9 most nights but can be 10 or 11. They usually stay in bed reading for an hour or so with the curtains open to give them light. The sun is is down behind the next house by 9 now so they aren't staying up as late reading. I am trying to get them to bed by 8:30-9 as they're needing more sleep but their rooms all face west, its really hot all the time & uncomfortable to try & go to sleep.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

We start bedtime routines for my 5 and 7 year olds around 7pm, often a little later, but usually by 7:30 at the latest unless there is a special reason. We often read for quite a while, so the whole routine usually takes about an hour. The bedtime parent is back downstairs by 8 or 8:30 most nights.

My 7 y.o. reads for a while after that. I think she turns out the light around 9 pm unless she is especially tired. I don't mind, because she will sleep in if she needs to. (We homeschool also, so this is possible year-round.) However, my 5 y.o. wakes between 6:30 and 7:00 no matter what time he goes to bed, so keeping an early bedtime is important for him, even in the summer. (God help us all when he is over-tired -- he can be nearly impossible to live with!) It's just easier for us to put them both to bed at the same time and let dd read for a while. Plus, I do *need* my grown-up time after they are in bed!

To the OP: If you want to establish an earlier bed-time, the key will be consistency for a while until the habit is established. Summer might not be the best time to tackle it since there are so many opportunities to do things later in the evening and the long daylight is working against you as well. We've been having at least one late night a week this summer, but my kids are so used to the earlier bedtime that they can go back to the regular time without trouble. (I usually have ds take a nap if I know we will be out late.)

Maybe you could try doing the earlier bedtime in the fall, when evening events get less frequent and it's getting dark earlier.

[princesstutu]

9pm. Sometimes 10pm if we're playing a game.

[mich]

This seems to happen to us every summer. Long days and playing outside till dark. The boys stay up so late that dh and I are lucky to get an hour together after bedtime. Most nights now it's lights out at 10:00. Sometimes they are asleep right away, sometimes they are up and down for an hour.

I try to just accept that this is how it is now, and remember that when the days are shorter, we will work bedtime back to 8:00 and dh and I will have lots of alone time.

[tseillis]

Mine are 5 and 7.
We've approached it by laying out marbles to represent each hour of each day in a week. We used different colored marbles to represent day and night and then changed that to show who was awake when.

They usually go to sleep 3-4 hours before we do, and invariably wake up an hour or so before we do :-/

We discussed how many hours of the day we each spend doing stuff we "want to do" versus "have to do" and it became clear that Dave (my partner) has the lion's share of "have to do hours" because he works outside the home.
And that beyond that, mom has WAY more "have to do" hours than the kids do.

The kids have an acute sense of fairness. So they've decided to "give me" an extra half hour per day of their time where they will do things to help the household without complaining (so far, they've stuck to it pretty well, although I do sometimes have to remind them that they did make theagreement).

They asked why Dave and I don't have more "Want to do" hours during the day, and I explained that much of what we want to do is not stuff that we want to do when the kids are up because it's not appropriate for them, or we'd just rather spend the time when we're all awake doing things that we all enjoy.

So they also suggested that they could stay in their rooms after "bedtime" so that Dave and I can do some of our own "Want to do" stuff during those hours without worrying about them. :-)

It's not a perfect system, but it's a lot better than overtired little people and power struggles :-)

[EFmom]

My six year old goes to bed at 8pm. But we use public school, and we have them in swimming lessons that start at 8am for most of the summer. I find that it the long run, it is easier and the kids are happier if we keep the schedule pretty consistant.

[chel]

My dd is almost 7. Her bedtime is around 9pm. We have long summers here and often stay up till 9:30 or 10 in the summer.
dd sleeps till 8 or later, so Dh and I get some time together in the am. Plus dd is old enough we can send her to her room to play while we watch a non-kid movie. We even let her watch TV when Dh and I need to "talk"
Dh and I like to sleep, so dd sleep needs are just a little longer than ours.