Do you mind if we have a little conversation about being a birth professional and being pregnant? I'm a little freaked out at the idea of being pregnant now that I know "so much." I'm also a little bit unnerved at how much of a pregnant woman I seem to be, rather than a midwife, IYKWIM. I'm shocked at how much I want to just be pregnant and have a midwife and not worry about anything else. And I'm only 5 weeks, so I don't know how it'll be in a few months...does it get better?
Things are so slow for me right now that I'm not terribly worried about the mechanics of being pregnant and having clients. I had pretty much decided anyway that I was going to stop taking clients and focus on legislation until next June. I'm still going to do that and I only have three clients this fall, most of whom are doing unassisted pregnancies for various reasons. I am concerned because I want all of them to have GREAT births so that I feel strong and able going into my birth. I'd really hate for a client's birth to throw off my "vibe" for my birth, if that makes any sense at all. But at the same time, I really hate putting any selfish desires onto anyone's birth. Even if I'm hoping for them to have a good birth...it's for selfish reasons, so then I feel guilty for putting my emotional needs into their birth
:.
I also don't have anyone to midwife me, which really stinks more than I thought it would. I'm the only midwife in my area and my apprentice is far from done. Even if she were done, I don't think we have the kind of relationship where she could/would midwife me through a pregnancy. Right now I'm seeing an OB (because of my history of early losses) but I've already told him that if everything's normal, I don't plan to birth with him, and of course, even if I did plan to birth with him, he wouldn't "midwife me"
. So I'm a little bummed about essentially having a UC. I wish there was a strong and supportive birthing community in this area. I'd love to be supported by my colleagues during my pregnancy, but there aren't really any here 
.
The progesterone is kicking in and I can't seem to keep my eyes open and I'm sure none of this makes any sense, but I just feel really, really ALONE in this. And I'm really surprised by that feeling, too, because I've been thinking this through for the entire 2 years that we've been TTC and its working out pretty much how I expected it to, except for the seeing an OB for the first part of the pregnancy.
So how have you ladies coped with being a pregnant midwife or doula?
Things are so slow for me right now that I'm not terribly worried about the mechanics of being pregnant and having clients. I had pretty much decided anyway that I was going to stop taking clients and focus on legislation until next June. I'm still going to do that and I only have three clients this fall, most of whom are doing unassisted pregnancies for various reasons. I am concerned because I want all of them to have GREAT births so that I feel strong and able going into my birth. I'd really hate for a client's birth to throw off my "vibe" for my birth, if that makes any sense at all. But at the same time, I really hate putting any selfish desires onto anyone's birth. Even if I'm hoping for them to have a good birth...it's for selfish reasons, so then I feel guilty for putting my emotional needs into their birth
:.I also don't have anyone to midwife me, which really stinks more than I thought it would. I'm the only midwife in my area and my apprentice is far from done. Even if she were done, I don't think we have the kind of relationship where she could/would midwife me through a pregnancy. Right now I'm seeing an OB (because of my history of early losses) but I've already told him that if everything's normal, I don't plan to birth with him, and of course, even if I did plan to birth with him, he wouldn't "midwife me"
. So I'm a little bummed about essentially having a UC. I wish there was a strong and supportive birthing community in this area. I'd love to be supported by my colleagues during my pregnancy, but there aren't really any here .The progesterone is kicking in and I can't seem to keep my eyes open and I'm sure none of this makes any sense, but I just feel really, really ALONE in this. And I'm really surprised by that feeling, too, because I've been thinking this through for the entire 2 years that we've been TTC and its working out pretty much how I expected it to, except for the seeing an OB for the first part of the pregnancy.
So how have you ladies coped with being a pregnant midwife or doula?
